Road to Reality | Representation with Karla Cruz Godoy

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[00:01:37] Ich habe ein paar Jahre Zeit und Perspektive auf ihre Erfahrung. Aber ich hatte eine Telefonkomposition letzten Jahr mit der 43. Karla Cruz-Goudoy, über ihre Erfahrung nur ein Jahr lang. Ich war fasziniert und empfohlen, ihre Erfahrung in Perspektive zu stellen, schon seit dem Zeitpunkt.

[00:01:55] Und diese Gespräche ist auch noch ein Jahr später faszinierend. Ich bin ecstatic, dass ich euch präsentiere, die ämbarische, gregarious und adventurous Karla Cruz-Goudoy. So, Karla, wir haben vor der ersten Zeit gesprochen, von dem ich von einem Telefonkauf erinnern kann. Vor einigen Jahren, oder?

[00:02:16] War das vor einigen Jahren? Ja, ich glaube so, ja. Ich war in der Fahrt auf einer Rundtrip, ich habe sie connectiert, ich erinnere mich nicht so, weil unter der Umbrauung, was ist es, um auf der Überraschung zu sein und die Gespräche zu haben

[00:02:33] und die Menschen zu treffen, und dann uns alle durch diese Maschine gehen, auf die TV zu sein und auf der anderen Seite zu kommen. Unkönnbar, in einigen Ständen, aber dann ist unsere Identität so enttäuscht, um die Überraschung zu bekommen,

[00:02:48] um auf die Überraschung zu sein, und jetzt ist unser Show auf der Überraschung, dass es ein bisschen müde ist. Ist das ein Überblick, der Grund, der gesamten Grund, was wir in der Saison haben, und das Konzept, das wir in haben, und die Gespräche zu haben?

[00:03:06] Ja, ich glaube, um ein bisschen mehr Kontext zu geben, ich glaube, ich war wirklich in, und ich bin noch in einem Raum, wo ich wirklich möchte, die Menschen, die das Spiel spielen, wissen, dass es für mich jetzt, ich möchte mehr über was Menschen tun,

[00:03:22] aber es ist wirklich um, wer wir sind, wir sind dann in einer Ausbildung, die noch nicht auf die Überraschung ist. Und ich glaube, dass wir noch nicht auf die Überraschung sind, aber die anderen haben diese Assumtions- oder Idee, der wir sind, einfach auf dieser Television-Show,

[00:03:40] und es kann ein bisschen müde werden, es kann ein bisschen müde werden, wenn die Leute sagen, du bist nicht ich, oder du bist nicht, wasches Verzweifelsen, das haben sie, und es ist so, wenn du die Filme, die du filmst, und wenn du die Show erhältst,

[00:04:02] wir können uns erinnern, was das war. Ja, ich habe die, ich habe die September, ich glaube, September 16th 2021, und dann habe ich die Mai 2022 filmt, die Season 43, die war, um, wo war die, September 2022, und die Ende December 14th 2022. Okay, das war zwei Jahre ago,

[00:04:24] und dann startet es wieder zurück, von der Spiele. Ja, wow, es ist so, dass es damals gewesen wäre. Cool, und wenn wir die Rholerkoaster schauen, wir sagen einfach, das ist in Jahren, und du wirst die Filme und die Erinnerung beenden. Also das eine Schunk.

[00:04:49] Und dann gibt es eine Ehring, die 2021, wir sind durch die Pandemie geflogen. Ja, wenn du zur Überraschung bist, wo bist du in der Welt? Ich war in September 2021 in Karni, New Jersey. Ich hatte nur eine Haltung zu kaufen, die ich gedacht hätte, in Jersey.

[00:05:41] Und ich habe mich gut gemacht. Ich glaube, die Touristen haben einfach nachzumachen. Und ich war am Ende der Überraschung, der Überraschung. Und so glaube ich, dass es in der Mitte, wenn nicht jahr, 40. Seasons 41 war, ich sah Leute, die mich viel mehr sehen.

[00:06:02] Und ich war so, was ist mit Überraschung? Ich kann mich selbst sehen auf diesem Show. Wobei, 40 Seasons vorhin, da habe ich mich nicht auf TV gesehen. Und ich glaube, das ist das, was ich gemacht habe. Ich glaube, es hat uns in sechs Monaten, mindestens sechs Monate, zu sehen.

[00:06:20] Und es ist du und deine Frau? Sorry, ja, es ist sie. Meine Frau und ich, während der Covid-19, waren wir einfach durch die Malle. Und dann war es einfach ... Es war nicht mehr so. Es war mehr, weil ich super adventuristisch war.

[00:06:33] Ich war einfach spontan, ich bin auch impulsiv. Ich war so, lass mich einfach auf die Applaus, ich habe meine Laptop aufgenommen, ich sah, was die Requirements waren. Und ich glaube, dasselbe Tag. Ich habe ein 3-Minute-Video, ich habe dieses Laptop, das ich jetzt habe,

[00:06:48] und ich war einfach auf meinem Wohnen, einfach filmen. Das ist mein Video, ich war wirklich einfach auf meinem Wohnen, und ich musste es einfach aufhören, was ich dafür brauchte. Und also, ich glaube, zwischen dem Casting-Prozess, ich war ziemlich nervös.

[00:07:05] Und ich glaube nicht, dass ich so nervös war, aber ich habe auch mal aufgenommen. Es war ohne die Wim. Ich habe nie gedacht, dass ich immer wieder. Weil ich nie gedacht hätte, dass es passiert wäre.

[00:07:16] Und es war nicht, bis ich die Wälder zurückkam, wo ich dachte, was? Das ist sehr, wie du mich magst. Und dann... Hast du ein E-Mail oder ein Telefon? Es war ein Telefon, und ich erinnere mich, dass ich auf dem Abend mit meinen In-Laws bin.

[00:07:30] Und mein Casting-Prozessor war so, dass Jeff mit dir reden will, und ich dachte, jetzt? Es ist 8 Uhr. Und sie meinte, wir werden eine Wälder setzen. Und ich dachte, okay, das ist weir. Aber ich dachte immer noch, ich habe noch nie was zu tun.

[00:07:46] Ich habe noch nie etwas zu tun, bis es passiert ist. Und ich habe einfach durch den Prozess gegangen. Aber ich hatte auch die Arbeit, dass es normal ist, zu bleiben. Es war nur ein Seiten-Gesicht. Ich habe ein Telefon, und ich habe ein Telefon. Und es war nicht,

[00:08:00] bis sie mich für das 5-Minute-Video fragte. Ich war in Mexiko mit meinen Grandparents besucht. Ich dachte, ich muss wirklich etwas Arbeit geben. Es ist so, dass es möglich wäre. Aber auch meine Social-Media-Präsidentin, es ist mehr meine Adventure. Ich habe rarely Bilder von mir posten.

[00:08:17] Auf meinem Instagram. Es war mehr, dass ich die ganzen Träume mache. Ich liebe die Welt, was ich sehe. Und dann filmen wir. Und dann posten wir. Ich war, ich habe meine Frau über das vorhin gesprochen. Ich kam zurück. Lisa dachte, ihr habt es.

[00:08:34] Ich dachte, ihr habt es. Die Weise, in der ich super verheiratete, war, dass ich so glücklich war. Ich war so glücklich. Und ohne ihr was geben, war ich einfach glössig. Ich dachte, ihr könnt euch nur warten, bis ihr siehst.

[00:08:48] Und sie war so, okay, das ist weig. Und es gibt so viel. Und es muss natürlich auch viel mit Gewicht zu tun. Aber es gab einen Glöten in mir. Es gab einen Tann. Es gab eine, ich bin da, ich fühle gut.

[00:09:02] Und es war auch traumatisch, doch. Ich war auf der Nacht, ich konnte nicht schlafen, ich konnte nicht essen. Regrette, was ich gemacht habe, was ich nicht gemacht habe. Ich sollte nicht das Personen der Gäste vertraut. Oder ich sollte, es waren nur Dinge, die in meiner Hose spielen.

[00:09:19] Und die ganze Kasse ist mit mir reichen. Und wir waren all, was machen wir? Wie machen wir das? Es gibt noch viel zu tun. Ja, was war die Temperatur? Was war die Temperatur? Wir reden nur post- und Merch, weil ihr nicht kennt, die Prämer, vielleicht.

[00:09:36] Ihr seid Teil der Post- und Merch-Gruppe. Was war die Temperatur? Wenn 10 ist, wie im Jahr 46, es scheint, dass alle sich einigen. Ich weiß nicht, ob das wahr ist oder nicht. Von den sozialen Medien, das ist was, was wir hier sind, um die Myths zu stellen.

[00:09:52] Und zero ist, dass alle in perfekter Form. Was geben Sie die Temperatur, aus Ihrer Perspektive des Post- und Merch-Kasses? Das war das erste paar Wochen, das erste Homeschrauber. Das erste paar Wochen, du hast 10, wie der Kumbaya, ich würde sagen, wir waren aus der Post- und Merch-Gruppe. 1,5.

[00:10:15] Okay, du kommst zurück. Du hast die besten Freunde in deinem Leben getroffen. Du hast eine tolle Erfahrung. Erinnerst du dich, was für einen Ort du hast? Fünf. Fünf. Du hast ein bisschen Zeit im Ponderosa, aber nicht viel, aber genug,

[00:10:30] dass du ein paar Nachts dorthin hängst und die Leute außerhalb des Spiels wissen. Du kommst zurück, du bist fast Kumbaya. Da gibt es Fragen, du bist verhäusernd. Wir alle sind. Ich bin nicht prozentiert. Ich habe mich nicht gewohnt, aber ich habe kein prozentiertes Essen.

[00:10:50] Alle sind so, dass ich nicht mit deinem Mund schlafe. Ich bin so, dass du keine Essen essen musst. Also, dass deine Tüte so meines waren, was die größte, die ich noch nie hatte. Ich hatte aufs Kleine-Fern, alles das. Du bist so, du wachst, wachst,

[00:11:02] wieder zu deiner Frau. Lisa und du waren beruhigt, wenn du so gingst. Ja. Deine Frau wacht auf dem Airport und sie ist so, oh mein Gott, du wachst, du siehst wirklich toll. Du siehst wie ein Million Dollar. Ja. Und ich war... Ja, das und ich erinnere...

[00:11:21] Ich habe versucht, ich würde nicht sagen, wo ich sie habe gesetzt. Aber ich erinnere die Nacht und für die nächsten zwei Nachts, Vielleicht war es das Nacht, wir stammten bis um 4 Uhr am Morgen. Und ich war einfach, ich war einfach alles auf sie dampft.

[00:11:34] Und wir waren einfach, ich erinnere mich, wir waren einfach in den Bett, sich zu stören, wie das, dort zu sitzen, nur zu reden. Und sie war so, oh mein Gott! Ja, es war schön, es war toll.

[00:11:45] Und dann im Tag, wir haben uns immer mit uns reden, jeden Tag, wir haben uns nicht stoppen, mit uns zu reden. Wir haben uns gehandelt, wir haben uns gejointed, wir haben uns in August getroffen. Es war toll, bis zum Ende des Jahres. Bis zum Ende des Jahres.

[00:12:03] Okay, also, waren es da die harte Dinge, um zurück in die Welt zu kommen? Ich erinnere mich, dass es so laut ist, dass es so viele Leute gibt. Ich erinnere mich, dass es so viel, ich erinnere mich, dass ich einen knallvollen F 180er

[00:12:25] um die ganze Zeit durch das Video be Zoe. Ich erinnere mich, dass es so viele Leute gibt, die so laut sind. Ich erinnere mich, dass es so sehr viel, große Stimulatione sind, zu viel zu öfter werden. Ich erinnere mich, dass es so laut sein wird.

[00:12:42] Ich erinnere mich, dass es so laut ist. Ich erinnere mich, dass es so laut ist, dass es so groß ist, Ich fand es cool, durch die Erfahrung zu gehen und zu fühlen, dass man starker ist, obwohl man viel Muskeln verliert. Aber ich musste das weiterhalten.

[00:13:00] Ich konnte nicht so gut sein, ich habe mich nicht so gut in der Gym gefahren. Nicht nur auf dem Stopp, ich nehme meine Reste. Das ist nur ein Gehäubchen, das ich picked up. Ich liebe das Adrenalin-Rush, das aus dem Weg ging.

[00:13:14] Das war etwas, was ich nicht lange lang hatte. Ich wollte das weiterhalten. Aber seit wir wieder zurückgekommen sind, sorry, ich bin so nach Tanger. Nein, das ist total... Das ist ein gutes Beispiel für was es so ist, um ein Überleben zu werden. Leben wird Tanger.

[00:13:31] Ist es für einen Überleben verbunden? Ist es nicht so, wie mein Leben verändert? So, es ist toll. Das ist was, was wir hier sind. Keine Apologies. Ich sage das auch und es ist verbunden, um die Arbeit zu arbeiten.

[00:13:43] Die Crew oder die Team war zumindest wirklich intensiv, um uns nicht zu weinen, nachdem wir rausgekommen sind. Und ich erinnere mich, dass, als ich nach Ponderosa kam, ich mich in den Meer angeschaut, weil ich mich über die Zeit von mir zurückgekommen war.

[00:14:18] Und das hat mich verstanden, dass ich jetzt lebe. Und so, dass das Verhandlungen geholfen wurde. Was ich über die 46er-Heroe verstanden habe, war, dass sie uns warten. Und das hat sich gesagt, wie viel Zeit wir verloren haben. Ich war so, dass sie es aufgerissen haben.

[00:14:32] Ja, ich habe nicht verstanden, dass sie es nicht gemacht haben. Für uns war es Teil unserer Ponderosa-Video, um zu sehen, was da kommt. Ja. Wenn du gesagt hast, weil du die Image ausgeliebt hast, was hast du zu sagen?

[00:14:50] Als ich verstand, war es definitiv ein Teil meiner Applikation. Ich bin ein pluses, ich bin ein queer woman. Und das ist, wie ich mich verstanden habe. Ich möchte dir zeigen, dass ich athletic bin, dass ich ein challenge beast bin, dass ich dieses Spiel spielen kann,

[00:15:05] wie anyone else. Ich habe das Gefühl, dass ich, wenn ich lange spielen kann, dass ich nicht in dem Spiel essen kann, wenn ich zurückgefallen habe und die Zeit verloren habe, wenn ich verloren habe, ich wollte nicht, dass ich das Gewicht verloren habe,

[00:15:23] dass es etwas, was ich streife, um zu halten. Auch wenn es so war, dass das Gewicht verloren ist. Es ist verdorben. Ja, in meiner Ponderosa-Video, weil sie so ein hohes % verloren hat. So, sogar wenn ich in totaler Überfluggeber-Mode, so weit weg ist,

[00:15:43] wie ich es auf der Zeit 35 hatte, bin ich noch in der Vergleichsmodelle über mein Körper, und dass ich nicht genug Gewicht verloren habe. Und so, danke dir für diese Gespräche, und für die Gespräche, und von der Perspektive, was passiert zu unseren Spielern,

[00:16:02] und was passiert zu unseren Spielern, was passiert zu unseren Körpern. Das ist ein wirklich großer Deal. Ja, ich glaube nicht, dass ich das noch nie gesagt habe, oder gesagt habe, auf Podcast oder so, aber ich denke, dass die erste Klippe, die Promo-Klippe, die ersten Early-Epsen sind,

[00:16:20] ich bin so, wer ist das? Weil ich mich nicht selbst in den ersten Tagen der Spielern erinnern. Ich weiß nicht, dass ich mich selbst nicht selbst erinnern. Ich bin eigentlich der Show. Und es ist weh. Es ist weh. Das, was ich sehr cognizant habe, während ich filmte,

[00:16:39] war, wie viel Körper ich zu zeigen. Weil ich nicht wollte, jemanden etwas zu klicken, und natürlich habe ich keine Kontrolle, über was Menschen tun. Ich weiß nicht. Aber es gab ein Moment, ich glaube, es war Sammy's Episode, in dem er getestet wurde. Wo ich fahre,

[00:16:58] und ich glaube, ich habe das nur einmal gemacht, und ich habe das letzte Mal aufgedacht. Ich habe das letzte Mal aufgedacht, und ich habe das ganze Mal in meinem Brot gespielt. Das ist für mich sehr groß. Ich war da, und ich habe gesagt, lass mich das machen.

[00:17:11] Aber es gibt noch andere Momente, wo ich mich selbst selbst erinnern kann. Ich habe keine Angst, ich werde das nicht tun, weil ich hier bin. Ich habe keine Angst, was Menschen sagen, ich werde einfach auf dem Brot gehen. Wenn jemand anderes kann, dann sieht man,

[00:17:31] dass das mehr als ein Was du gesagt hast, was so verrückt ist, dass wir uns wieder nach den Interviews von uns sehen können. Nach dem Exakt-Prespekt, und dann haben wir noch drei Monate später einen weiteren Podcast gemacht.

[00:18:09] Wir haben noch zwei Jahre später einen weiteren Podcast gemacht. Und manchmal seht ihr euch wieder und sagt, was? Das ist das, was ich gesehen habe. Das ist was ich meine.

[00:18:16] Es gibt keine Begründung zu behaupten, diese Worte, die du gesagt hast, das ist absolut okay, wenn nicht. Aber es hat mich zu mir geklärt, dass du gesagt hast, ich habe die Realität von mir und meine eigene Welt geïnt.

[00:18:27] Und jetzt sagst du, als du dich zurückgegelt hast, dass du dich nicht selbst erkennen hast. Ja, wow. Wonderig ist, was ich hier bin. Ja, was ist hier los? Okay, so. Ich weiß genau, was ich gesagt habe. So, um was ich meine. Viele Leute.

[00:18:45] Da draußen, du bist da draußen, du bist lohn, du bist lohn. Und wenn du nichts machst, denkst du an deine Familie, du denkst an deinem Zuhause, du denkst an deine normalen Leben. Und ich habe langsam gesagt,

[00:19:01] vergessen die Realität, um meine Meinung in dem Spiel zu halten und nicht fühlen wie ich mich verletzt habe und nicht, wie ich jetzt nur so aufhörte, dass du in dieser Spielmode bist. Das ist die einzige Realität, was passiert, weil ich weiß, dass ich

[00:19:16] eigentlich nicht, was mein Wife tut, was ich hier nicht hier selbst machen kann. Und so, ich denke, das ist was, was ich von der Realität vorhin mit der IID verletzt habe. Und ich glaube, das ist was, wenn wir über die Stichwort-Besitzer

[00:19:33] oder die Lied der Lieben, die Leute sind, die wirklich verletzt haben, sie gehen nicht. Ich war so, ich mag es nicht. Wer ist meine Frau? Ich habe keine Frau, weil das auch so ist,

[00:19:43] Ich habe mir gesagt, dass es nicht so gut wäre, wenn ich zu soft bin. Und jetzt, als ich sage, dass ich mich nicht selbst kenne, manchmal habe ich nicht meine ganze Saison gesehen, aber die Clips, die ich gesehen habe, sind vielleicht,

[00:20:01] weil es so lange ago war, aber wenn ... Es gibt Dinge, die ich da gemacht habe, die ich nie in realen Leben mache. Manche Leute, richtig viele Menschen ... Es gibt Dinge, die ich nicht sagen kann, wer ich bin. Manchmal, als ich mich selbst gesehen habe,

[00:20:18] wie ich mich in eine Körner zurückgeräumt habe, war ich nie in realen Leben gebacken. Es war ein animaler Carla, der vor mir ging. Aber auch eine kleine ... Es ist Spaß, aber es war eine separate Zeit. Ja, das ist eine separate Leben, die ich da lived.

[00:20:38] Das macht Sinn. Ja, wie viel es war? Well, first of all, there is a piece that is designed by production that is disconnecting us from our real life selves in ways like your pregame. Well, maybe yours was covid so might have been different,

[00:21:07] but we were at pregame for like a week. If you're already sleeping in a tent, you already don't. At least I didn't know what time it was. Yeah. You are not speaking to people. You are all walking around one another and not speaking for an entire week,

[00:21:33] which is I think psychologically designed to get you to disassociate from your non-survivor self. You're nodding. Do you agree with me? Oh, was is your spirit? I mean, I didn't feel that at the time. I just thought these are the rules. Obviously we can't be talking

[00:21:57] because that would ruin the game. Like this is about keeping the game pure. And I look back and I think I wonder how much of it is psychologically separating us from ourselves intentionally to get ready for this like game experience. I think people probably have to do it

[00:22:15] to go into the Super Bowl or all this stuff. Where? Oh, where do you relate or where am I wrong? No, I agree even during the game where you know, you go get your med checks before challenges, you know, you're in a tent

[00:22:28] and you're supposed to sit on the ground and stay quiet. And I know the first few times I had some of my cast mates just really upset and like tell production, like this is not OK. You know, like, I mean, it's you're sitting on the ground,

[00:22:41] but it's like, could we have a chair? I think that's why. And you think about it all adds to it. But I think that's, you know, I mean, that's the element of the game too. If you know, you're this if you're removed,

[00:22:55] if you've removed yourself, you're then able to, I think, take more risks and play a little different and. And be more conniving. And at least for me as a woman, especially I think it gives you the more untied you are from the expectations of a living and society.

[00:23:17] The easier it was. I did not do a very good job, by the way. I was very emotionally connected, played an entirely social game. The more time I'm out of it, the even less and less and less and less

[00:23:30] and less strategic I see how I was like my self perception of what my strategy was coming out. I recorded the whole conversation, which I'm thinking about doing an episode here. I have 12 hours of of audio recorded my first 12 hours when I got back from the airport,

[00:23:48] my brother and I stayed up all night and I talked through my entire game and I've listened back and it is insane. Talk about not being connected to reality. My level of like what I thought my strategy was that day

[00:24:06] insane compared to how I feel about it today. So maybe I'm taking us down a different path so much. But how has your perception of your experience and how you lived out the survivor time changed as the time has gone on? If it has.

[00:24:29] Well, I think what the edit and the show kind of does, but not really, and even then connecting when you connect with your cast, you then get all the other points of use and perspectives because similar to you, I came back, I recorded myself

[00:24:44] and I was like, I could have won this thing. Right, like I should have won whatever. But then when you connect the dots and you're just like, oh, wait, actually, I was really dumb. Like I had no control of this, but I thought I did.

[00:25:00] So that's an awakening. So you return and then before the airing, it was a lot of questions, but it was pretty positive. Like I was making a lot of friends. I was having the one thing, though I will say, a lot of it also connects to the ego

[00:25:16] and this can be on or off record. But I think the hard part with a lot of folks. I mean, you've noticed it. The game never ends. And that's the hard part. It can end, right? Like I can just move on with my life. And most people do.

[00:25:34] I think it's the reflection piece. And I think I've given myself enough peace and grace to say. I have a whole last career. Like I have a whole life that to me, Survivor isn't the peak of my life. It is just one little like. It is an adventure.

[00:25:51] It is a side quest. It's something cool that I've added to, you know, my hobbies on my resume. And I've had a lot of time to reflect and sit with it. And I just love. I'm very introspective. But I think I was getting at. The ego, ego.

[00:26:07] Yes, yes. Yeah, between before it airs, it's more like, all right. You're reading a little bit about yourself because our cast was leaked. And so I'm like, what do people think about me? And then it isn't until it finally starts airing.

[00:26:23] And so I think to the airing part. It is. Wow, it is. That's where I feel like a lot of things go down internally with myself, with the cast, with the world, at least our community, not the world.

[00:26:40] And the ego for some, for me in my case was, you know, it felt so good to be liked. It felt so good. I had a lot of confessionals. I was like, wow, I'm feeling myself a little bit.

[00:26:51] But there were moments that I also had to check myself because I knew that it could go sideways at any time or like for others on my cast, they weren't getting the same airtime where they weren't getting the same edit. It wasn't a one person show.

[00:27:05] And I knew that, but you're always on this and that for me was the hardest part. I was holding a phone. Yes, I'm holding up my phone. My wife would look at me and be like, get off your phone. Like what are you doing?

[00:27:16] And there's, I think that's the one part that I really didn't like about the airing experience. As you watch yourself, you're constantly, at least I was, what are people saying on Instagram? On Twitter. I think everyone, I don't know of anyone who has successfully stayed off of it.

[00:27:30] That was in my group. I think some people stay off, but yeah. The Twitter, I'm going to go to Twitter, then I'm on Instagram, then I'm on Reddit, then the death hole of Survivor sucks and then you let go back up again and like go through the cycle.

[00:27:43] Plus there's so much feeding that the ego. There's entertainment. You know, Dalton's putting articles out. Gordon Holmes is putting articles out. I mean, there's the actual press coming out. And I think people who say, well, just ignore the haters.

[00:27:58] It's like, OK, so if you want me to ignore the haters, that means that you would like me to not notice and read when Dalton Ross wrote an article about me. Like let me you go in a closet and don't read an article as a survivor fan.

[00:28:12] You go in a closet, don't read an article that Dalton Ross writes about you. And it's impossible to navigate through the high experiences and the fun experience of watching Survivor without receiving all of the stray bullets of the shit. And the fan quote unquote base

[00:28:32] expectation to just ignore it. Yeah, I have thankfully now seven years later. Carla arrived at your fucking hilarious. Nice try. Like your solution is just don't look at it like. Oh my God, that's so sweet. You've never experienced anything like this.

[00:28:53] As condescending as that sounds, I hear it. It is the most freedom I've found is like, oh, my sweetheart. You haven't experienced the spotlight. Exactly. It's it's something. It's it's something. The only way to describe it is it's something. It's all consuming something. Yo, I couldn't work.

[00:29:17] I I mean, I have to work. I have to work. I think I didn't take any time off. I think I went from two days from filming straight back to work, which is why I did that. But I think that's what kind of got me through as well.

[00:29:32] I guess a little grounded. Yeah, my my they're expecting me, you know, to do these projects and to work. And it was. But then I also allowed myself to have fun during the season. And I traveled a lot. I tried. I know, I'm not going to lie.

[00:29:48] It's not that I tried. I did not try to say off of off of social media. And it wasn't until I think the end where it's finally like my arc is really interesting and cool at a time like I got. I got a lot of really positive portrayals

[00:30:05] or at least you felt good about your edit quote unquote. Felt gut about my edit. And then I think. And of course, there's things that I was like, I wish they would have included that. I mean, so many people do, right?

[00:30:15] Like they should have showed this and this and this. And then I think at the end was right where it was like. And I got I kind of was a little warned that like it could go either way. I mean, I knew I was out there.

[00:30:25] Like it could go either way with at least some of the words that I had out there on the island. I wasn't prepared for the perception or at least the way that folks handled the ending. And I unfortunately, alongside like Jesse,

[00:30:39] we kind of really got a lot of hate. I think I got the most of it, but Jesse was right there with me. And so for me to have both experiences was really interesting to me because my ego was here at the beginning.

[00:30:54] And then at the end it was like what just happened. And I'm kind of not that I'm glad back now. Now to look back. I'm like, well, I'm glad I got both because I couldn't handle how, you know, I needed humble myself a little bit.

[00:31:09] But and it's not the worst thing that's ever happened in my life. Getting all this on my hate. I think I took a few months off, maybe like a few weeks off of social media. And then I came back and I was like, all right, I'm back.

[00:31:19] Like yeah, it's been it's been a cool ride. Now that it's been, I think I came back online and was prepared to see the world. I think January of 2023 or like February of 2023. And all of last year was more of like, OK, what just happened?

[00:31:40] And how do I? But once again, I'm so busy with work. I tell so much about work. But I just tell me about it. Tell me about what we can come back to that. Tell me about your job. What do you do for work?

[00:31:51] You make an impact in the world. Let's hear about it. OK, so I work for big picture learning when education and nonprofit believes that all young people deserve an education of their own that is led by their own interests that are heavily focused on relationships.

[00:32:08] Like you can be the author of your own education. We have schools all over the country. We have schools across the world, but I specifically and I'm an alum of one of these schools. So I was born and raised in San Diego, California.

[00:32:20] And I graduated one of their high schools and I really left feeling like I if for all those four years, whatever I was interested in, I did internships. I took college classes, so I felt really prepared after high school

[00:32:35] to kind of just approach a career that I felt I wanted to approach and be. And so for the organization now, I am a project manager, but I also lead a few fellowship programs. And so we have it's called equity fellows,

[00:32:54] Ache fellows and these are leadership development fellowships for one of them is folks who are in school. So like principal superintendents, we have organization leaders and I do a lot of kind of like the curating of events. So we have national convening slash retreats

[00:33:10] that I alongside our small team, but we we curate we plan we develop we execute these really cool retreats that really have our leaders, our school leaders kind of reflect on their own leadership, but also we incorporate elements of wellness.

[00:33:28] My goodness, we need to take care of our educators. Somebody is doing this work. Have you worked for a big picture like since school? Have you always worked for them? Did you go work elsewhere and then come back to the school? So I started working with BPL

[00:33:45] March of 2020, right before everything, the pandemic started before then I was I started my education or my career in education as a teacher in Washington, D.C. I didn't know that. I'm sure you've said it and I somehow missed that. So what you were teaching what age?

[00:34:07] Ninth grade English. OK, high schoolers. And I loved it so much. But I think that I went into education because I wanted to be a principal of like my high school that I went to and I was like this might do it.

[00:34:22] But I went into a traditional education like way instead of like this school network. And quickly I learned, oh, not all schools are like the school that I went to. And I think I did three or four years

[00:34:34] and I was like, I need to get out of here. This is like not the students. I love the students. The students. Yes, it was just like I had got to get out. And then I went into the nonprofit world

[00:34:44] and I think I was at a different organization for about a year and a half before. Big picture kind of knocked and was like, hey, you know, like. Would you be interested? Yes. And since then it's been it's been amazing. And I love, love, love what I do.

[00:35:01] We have like this really cool, like it's a keynote where we incorporate music and storytelling and vulnerability. And we we've only had like leaders of color take the stage. But we we call it like our traveling. It's called leadership journeys.

[00:35:16] And we go to different conferences and elevate our leaders. And it is so cool. And that's like one of my favorite projects that I'm working on right now. Sounds amazing. So you have this sort of creativity, production, leadership, education, kind of all swimming together. Yeah.

[00:35:38] It works so well with like who I am as a person. I love to be around people. I love like personally like I love hosting like my friends over. I love throwing parties, barbecues, anything like any excuse

[00:35:52] for people to come over to my house and have a good time. That is the type of person I am. But I think that's how I grew up as well, like a really loud Mexican family. Yeah. Yeah. So it's sort of that is something that has led through.

[00:36:04] And I assume while playing survivor being a I heard you talk about that on Friday, spoken about being a people person and all that living. You were survivor, like going to the backyard, having a barbecue or going to the island, having a barbecue, being around people,

[00:36:20] telling stories, hearing stories. This is who you are and you're getting to do that in your work, which is incredible. Since you have hargan back to childhood, your parents were really young when they had you, correct? OK. And you were born in San Diego.

[00:36:38] Yes. I had a few watch parties in San Diego because I was out there traveling for work surprisingly during my season. And I had this big one the week before the finale. And it was really amazing to see like aunts and uncles

[00:36:52] and cousins who I haven't talked to show up because I also left home when I was 18 and I rarely go back. Like it's been a long time since I've really been with my family. So that's OK. Also a time distance. Yeah, like an element.

[00:37:07] But it's really cool to for them to be like, oh, wow. Like, you know, I can't believe you did that to this person. So to see them catch up with it was a really cool experience.

[00:37:16] I think one thing that it did do is I have an older brother and I had no idea that my brother was a huge survivor fan. I think up until that moment when I was like, I'm going on the show and he's like, wait, I love Ozzy.

[00:37:31] I love Boston. I was like, what? It was just wild. And so I think that really brought us closer. I think one cool part about it, though, about being on TV, was that I was able to reconnect with some of my old teachers

[00:37:43] or I had these young kids reach out to me who were like, I'm in Mr. Crawford's class. You know, you went to middle school with him and we're watching you. And I'm like, wow, like to be from the hood,

[00:37:56] but also to have kids from the hood reach out to you and be like, I am watching you and I know I'm at the same middle school that you want to or I know your teachers. That's the one part that I was like, whoa,

[00:38:07] because I feel like the hood and survivor do not. There's no connection really. Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about this because we you've talked about the types of women, the size of women. There is more representation in New Era survivor. Thank God. But in a way,

[00:38:25] however, I have this theory that is the survivor experience is extremely, extremely exclusive to people who have money. Yeah. Already. I mean, not that that's true, because there are some people who who come from less money or need the money more than others.

[00:38:46] But the experience of getting on survivor already is one that requires money. And do you feel that there's like a class? Exclusion among the people who play survivor? Yeah, I wouldn't say money, rather like certain, because I know there's a few folks in my cast who don't have

[00:39:12] quote unquote like money, but they were able to make it work. You know, yeah. I think there's a sense of not even privileged, but there's a sense of yeah, like you have to have the freedom to leave your job or to quit your job. I use my PTO.

[00:39:31] So, like, you know, like even having PTO. The ability to even take time off to do all these interviews and do all these. Yeah. So, of course, there is what I also wonder, though, like maybe that I don't know. Maybe it's just not. I don't know actually.

[00:39:52] I just think that there's still a distinct. There might just be a pool of people who apply every year who fit a certain category and maybe the folks who are watching casually and who might we might want.

[00:40:08] I don't know. I don't know what I'm trying to get at. But yes, anyway, you have to have resources. You have to have so many resources to apply to get on survivor. There's a lot involved in in getting on the show.

[00:40:24] And I just had heard you in the private spoken talk about that, like being from the hood. And that is not the representation. And then what was it like to have kids from where you grew up? Say, hey, I see myself. Oh my gosh, I know that's yeah.

[00:40:44] The way you just phrase it. I don't know why it's making you. I'm going to sit with that. I'm going to sit with that. Why it's making me emotional. But it's cool to see. I wish we could have more. Who you're getting me.

[00:41:11] All right, let me take a minute. Take your time. I think I know I'm getting emotional because I think. It is sorry for the silence. That's what editing is for. There's no I apologize. And at any point you say this is not meant for sharing.

[00:41:33] We don't have this can just be between the two of us. You don't have to. Say the right thing. We can decide later if you want to keep it. OK, OK. It hits at certain like emotional strings, I think, because. I've never. I don't want to let it.

[00:41:59] I've never really seen anyone like me or Jesse. And please correct me if I'm wrong on the show. And even then like since in the last three seasons. And so it's really special to me to pause here. So it's just really cool to talk about. And it is.

[00:42:29] Something that I can say that I can like leave my footprint on and hopefully open more doors and hopefully just seeing the scene. Like if people are like I saw Carla and it made me want to apply. I'm happy.

[00:42:48] But also we need more diverse stories, because not everyone, you know. The amount of people who have degrees on the cast or who have jobs where they can, it's it's not accessible to everyone. And I just wish it could be. And maybe they're working on it. Who knows?

[00:43:07] Yeah, I don't know. It's just something that I've noticed over the last. I don't know. I guess during the diversity initiative that has changed. And to me, I will say this over and over over my dead body. Can anyone argue against that the casting is not.

[00:43:22] I mean, miles better in the new era because of the diversity initiative and the stories that are being told. And there's still so much more every single human being has their own story and to expose viewers, especially younger kids who seem to be watching the show

[00:43:46] to be able to see themselves no matter who they are in someone who plays survivor, like no matter who I am as a kid to see part of themselves in someone is a gift. And that is part of the gift that you have given me.

[00:44:04] It's so sweet when you say, oh, I was in Mrs. Crawford's class and I saw you and I know that. I mean, even if it was just that one child, which it wasn't just that. Yeah, yeah, impact that you had. And does that put into some perspective this

[00:44:20] the reason for the ride of it all? No, well, no, because I know this is so funny, because I'm like, I go from like, look at what I've done. You know, like look at this. But but then no, I think. I the reason I applied honestly, well,

[00:44:42] aside from being like finally we have someone that, you know, like I could I can finally see myself on TV. It really well, you know what? What was the reason? I mean, I wanted to win, but I also wanted to have an amazing time.

[00:44:57] And I also wanted one tab. I just wanted to show that you could be bad ass and not be, you know, a model. But yes, I think at all my life has been just I love my life. It's a lot of I went through so much,

[00:45:17] but I love stop. Don't look at me. We just got this off. I don't know what I'm trying to say. Ask ask ask. Can you ask a question again? Yeah, for sure. Um my question was as we. Happened to. Land on.

[00:45:41] This part of your experience, which is representation. When we think about the entire roller coaster ride, the highest, the lowest, the experience of it all, quote unquote, we're still here. We're still doing it. You're not right now in this moment. We're still in the survivor thing.

[00:45:59] Yes, does the representation piece help give reason and. Purpose to. This may be especially the lows, but to the highs and lows of going on this ride in your already beautiful life that you've created for yourself. Yes, OK, definitely. I like the way you're doing to the side 100%.

[00:46:26] I think that that is the. I mean, I think that's I mean, I don't even know. I don't know if that's the reason why I got cast, but I think that's the reason why I. Kind of told casting that they should bring me on the show

[00:46:41] is to one just be. Be that person for other queer women, queer plus size women. Girls from girls from the hood, girls who struggled. Daughter of immigrants and it is. It's cool to see it's it makes it like when you remove all these other layers

[00:47:07] of. External, you know, social media, editing, whatever. That is still true, right? Like this represent representation piece exists in my audition tapes. It exists in my bios. It exists in this. And so. That's what. That's what's going to stay, hopefully.

[00:47:30] That is what's going to stay. Yeah, it is. It is already written. My on the light side of this. If it is OK to give an example and I'll bring them in here. Hey, Adrian, you want to come in and say hi? Oh, hi.

[00:47:51] Hi, husband, you're your his favorite. She's she's has stuff going on. She's maybe her wife's coming to you. You're his favorite. So. Hi, how are you doing good? Nice to meet you. I love you. Thank you. I don't get that from men a lot, but I appreciate it.

[00:48:15] Yeah. Well, sincerely, I mean. Beside the fact that. I mean, there there aren't that many resemblances between you and my sister, but you have the same name. And that's kind of funny. But I mean, just seeing you in the show. I don't know if Kellen brought this up,

[00:48:37] but you are a fashion icon for me. Fashion icon. Yeah. Why? So you wore a black plaid shirt during the show. Yeah, yeah. And I feel like that. That is a representation of, you know, the Latino culture here in America. Thank you. And I really like that.

[00:49:03] I appreciate it. Yeah, I was. I yeah, there was I had some a few options, but I think I asked one of the castmates or one of the crew members to do my hair too. And I was like, oh, this is looking like. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:49:15] And so I had to buy myself a couple of those after I saw that. You're lying for real? Yeah, I didn't have any surprisingly. Well, I'm a first generation Latino Spanish. So I don't have much like US culture.

[00:49:30] And I feel like that was more unique to US, you know. Yeah, kind of. It's like. Yeah, exactly. So I was just really happy to share in that with you. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that so much. Where are you from? Where's your family from?

[00:49:44] My dad is from Nicaragua and my mom is from Spain. So I've always had a little bit more connection with my Spanish family. But I mean, when it comes to culinary culture, it's always been Latino as well. Oh, OK. How about you? You are you first generation?

[00:50:04] How does it work with you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My parents immigrated when they were in high school. So first generation Chicago, our Mexican American, I was born in the States in San Diego. But yeah, both Mexican. My wife is Portuguese, though.

[00:50:17] And so I get that Portuguese food and kind of like Mexico. When we cook, it's like, oh, both cultures really add like a really cool twist. It sure does. We love Portugal as well, their food. We do. Yeah, we would be at the stores

[00:50:35] and he would like hold up two shirts and be like, is this one more Carla or is this one more Carla? No way. I didn't even know where I got those, to be honest. So I was like, who knows.

[00:50:47] And he would button it because I think you will wear a buttoned all the way up a two. And so then he would wear it all the way buttoned up and like, oh, wait, did she tuck it in? Did she not? So it's been a real journey.

[00:50:56] I'm trying to. Yes, no. Making sure that it was all. And though I think that was a question that I had with the folks around me. I was like button or no button. And if I think they said no button, but I was like, I'm a button

[00:51:09] and because there's just something about like, you know, if you have no button that doesn't. Yeah, it's not the style, not the style. And I had fun fact. I had this necklace that says like Chingona, like gold, you know, in like a little cursive.

[00:51:25] And it was going to hide in the pattern, but you have to get everything approved by the wardrobe. They didn't let me bring it on. And I was like, why? Like, it's people don't even know what it means. Like bad ass. And they're like, no. No.

[00:51:40] That would have been bad ass to wear. That would have maybe somebody was like googling that from wardrobe being like urban dictionary. They're like, no, sorry. For real, I feel like that's exactly what they did because they're like, I have to go ask.

[00:51:55] And I was like, I know what they're doing. They went to go Google it. All right. It's nice meeting you. Yeah. Okay. Well, sorry to interrupt our survivors only talk with a fan, but I suppose I give this one an exception. Nice meeting you. My heart.

[00:52:19] I mean, well, here I am in sweats. So thank you so much for making time and space for my sweet husband. Oh, Adrian, Adrian, right? Adrian, Adrian Martinez. Oh, are you my, are you my, did you take a last name? I know no, I didn't.

[00:52:37] Not with my first husband or my second husband. I've seen. We've been to each other's last names either. So. But he's lovely and loved you as you can tell. So well, Carla, there's a bajillion things I would love to go through with you.

[00:52:53] And we might just have to do a different episode or make an entire series of us going through some of this stuff. Your wisdom around it and your ability to reflect is so amazing. But alas, we do have to get back to our worlds.

[00:53:08] And I have 10 quick questions if you have time to go through them. You can answer them with one word, expand as much as you want. Some of these rapid fire sections have been like seven minutes and some of them has been 47 minutes. So take it as you wish.

[00:53:24] So we already know this one, but how many times did you apply for a survivor? I applied once. One time, one time all the way through. OK, in your survivor bio you alluded earlier, you chose ambitious, gregarious and adaptable as the three words that describe you.

[00:53:39] Are these still three that you relate to? Want to make any changes, additions? Yes, I still relate to them. I think adaptable was more of a game word that I used. But I think in I would change it to adventurous. But overall ambitious.

[00:53:56] That's that's my life has always been my life will continue to be my life. Gregarious, I love social socializing, being around people, being around company and then adventurous. I'm very impulsive. I wanted to use impulsive, but my wife, Lisa was like,

[00:54:12] you are impulsive, but I feel like it sometimes holds like a negative connotation. But I'm very like if you tell me right now come to Chicago, I will try to make it happen. You know, like I'm like all right, let's go. Between September 2021, when you applied and today,

[00:54:26] what was the best part of your survivor experience so far? And what was the worst and hardest part of the survivor experience? The best part of the experience honestly was being out on the islands and being removed from real the real world.

[00:54:49] There was a lot of surprisingly a lot of rest, but a lot of. I really challenged myself mentally to. I mean, there was a lot of reflection and I for those I joke, because I'm like while I was out there, all I kept thinking about

[00:55:06] was I need to be a better daughter, a better sister, a better wife, a better friend because you're so removed from your family. Was like, I'm going to do everything different when I come back. Did I do anything? No, I did not. I'm still saying.

[00:55:21] But at least I thought about it. The thought that counts, Carla. At least I was able to think about it. So just testing my body, knowing that I could win challenges and knowing that like that was just fun. I was out of Fiji.

[00:55:37] I saw so many shooting stars. I thought really, really tan. I all of that was amazing. I loved it. I keep saying that like if I could do survivor, that experience without an airing, I would find a way to do that

[00:55:52] for the rest of my life just because it's maybe not starve. But like and also because, you know, it has a really bad impact on you, whatever. Hey, it's not great on the body. No, this is not or the mind is actually really torturing.

[00:56:05] I say the exact same thing with people. Oh, would you ever do it again? I would play survivor every summer for seven weeks. I would go and do it. Yes, every single time. And if it's going to be on TV. No, I would never do it again.

[00:56:17] Well, I can say that I would never, but. But the worst part, though, is the ego. It's the battle of the ego. If you can, you know, it was just me with myself, just, you know, reminding what like, do I post or not post? Should I respond?

[00:56:34] Do I not respond? Get off my phone, Carla, get off my phone. All of that. OK, that's your answer. Yeah, the self talk, the self arguments that come on are. Du zis. If you could give your go back and give yourself one piece of advice

[00:56:48] on day one of the game, what would it be? I would have told myself to not play it so safe so early, like just have a little bit more fun. I was too in my head and I was a little bit more cautious,

[00:57:04] which I think also threw people off. I think people are like, oh, expecting me to just like go in, which is why I'm like maybe. But I think I would just say have a little more fun with it. It's not, doesn't have to be so calculated.

[00:57:18] Surprising amount of people like I don't know. I'd have to go back and count the answers to this. A surprising amount of us say more fun, which is crazy. Right? Because we all also say it's like the most fun

[00:57:32] that we've ever had in some ways, like the most fun. And then there's this piece of like, could I have mentally had more fun with it at the time, at least for me. That's how I would differentiate it is like a little more mental

[00:57:46] freedom to have more fun. Yeah, yeah. I could have. I could just have more like. But OK. Yeah, right? Like more like I wish I would have played it more like I would have had a more like playing mafia as in high school,

[00:58:06] like playing, you know, I've been playing blood on the clock tower with some people online where it's like these deception and lying games. Like I wish I would have had more fun in that sense of like who who's doing. I mean, I was tracking from an emotional standpoint,

[00:58:21] who is working with who how what is going to happen. I wasn't surprised by the votes, but it was just I stayed to in the relationship of it and did not stay enough in the play the game like as a fun game. Yeah, gotcha.

[00:58:40] I think I also forget that I was injured. So my phone was more like go out and swim, you know, like go out and fish a little bit more, go out and like try to do you know, have fun.

[00:58:49] But I now remember I couldn't do those because the doctor was literally like if your finger gets infected, you're going home. And so I was just like. Now they're going other than survivor. Do you watch reality TV? And what's your favorite reality TV show?

[00:59:03] I was thinking about this question before and I surprisingly do not watch a lot of reality TV. So I don't have any favorite. I dabble with like Shark Tank and Love Island, the UK version. I dabble like I think between I think early last year of 2023. Omar 42.

[00:59:31] Omar recommended I watch Real Housewives. So I kind of started the franchise, but overall not a reality TV person. OK, cool. Omar was a guest last season. So Easter egg there. Where is. One of your favorite places in the world that listeners could visit?

[00:59:52] OK, I'll give you two. I'll give you one that's like super international or whatever. I really love PPI land in Thailand. That's one of my favorite, if not like my top place I've visited in the world. But if we're talking local US, there is.

[01:00:12] I used to live in the Bay Area when undergrad. I went to UC Berkeley and so I Lisa and I would have adventure Sundays where we would leave Berkeley and go across the Bay into San Francisco and just learn about the city.

[01:00:24] And there was there is it's called Point Point, but need a lighthouse in Marin County in Marin, Headlands. And it has one of the really nicest views of like these Cliffs that overlook the Pacific Ocean. And then on the other side, you could see the Golden Gate Bridge.

[01:00:41] And whenever friends would visit, we take them there. And there's like this box. I don't know how to call it, but there's like this place where you can just dangle your feet literally over the cliff. It's all graffiti out, but you just as a sun sets.

[01:00:53] It is one of the most beautiful, majestic views I've seen. Can you just go with your friends and chill and talk? What is a book or article or poem that you've read that's changed your life? Oh, OK.

[01:01:06] One of my favorite books that has changed my life is Gloria Anzalduha's Borderlands. Gloria Anzalduha was a Chicana poet, activist, author, queer Chicana. And Borderlands really it's in her own writing. It's about her experience of coming from like a borderland of being Chicana,

[01:01:29] of owning her own identity as a queer Chicana. But what does it mean to kind of feel like you're in the middle of two cultures? That being like American and Mexican. And there's this she brings in a little history too, like the colonization of Mexico.

[01:01:45] And she kind of uses that knowledge and analogy in a ways, in ways that she has also been colonized, but not, you know, it's like metaphor and symbolic. And there's this piece on there talking about the history of when Mexico

[01:02:01] was colonized by the Spaniards, of course it was all indigenous. They saw the symbol of the eagle eating the serpent and serpent represented everything that was like for indigenous communities, everything maternal, spiritual and the eagle, everything paternal patriarchal.

[01:02:16] And they kind of like as you know, the conquest is essentially happening. They saw that image in there, like we're going to create this into like that's going to be the flag. And so in the Mexico flag you have, there's like in the middle

[01:02:27] like the eagle is eating the snake. And but it's also right, like the patriarchy taking over the matriarchy and my way of decolonizing from like my own culture of saying like, while yes, I am a Chicana.

[01:02:40] I'm also queer, but I'm also never going to be in a relationship or within you know, my home won't ever have that patriarchal like no man is going to live with it, whatever. Right. So like I got this tattoo of it is essentially like the

[01:02:55] it's like an inverted. So like the eagle is being eaten by the serpent and this is similar to what's on the Mexico flag. And so it kind of changed my life. So I put it. Yeah, I made that shift. Wow. Oh, from that book. That is amazing.

[01:03:13] I cannot wait to read the book. What a great description and the discussion around the. I don't know that I've ever seen colonization, flippen patriarchy to matriarchy. Like obviously that rings so true and is so true. But just like in that way.

[01:03:39] Yeah, presented and then that it is a representation within yourself as well and then your life and. That's amazing. What a beautiful story you just put out there for us to witness. Thank you. And it's also reclaiming symbols.

[01:03:53] So I just got this tattoo of a serpent because also in certain cultures like the serpent even like wasn't it Adam and Eve? Like I'm not religious whatsoever, but like the serpent is representative of everything like evil and there's certain

[01:04:06] stories of folklore where like serpents are also very feminine surprise. And they sometimes are so feminine. Me and my acupuncturist slash witch friend. We have been all in the serpent. Cook does this is insane that it's coming up right now. I literally had no understanding.

[01:04:24] And other than I was raised in a Christian home. So the serpent is bad and Eve fell for the serpent and the evilness of Eve talking Adam and eating the apple sort of thing. But this historical imagery of the feminine in the serpent.

[01:04:44] I noticed that on your like literally when you were talking earlier, I noticed on your eyes like she has a freaking snake on her arm. Of course she does like what powerful woman. I was already thinking all this.

[01:04:54] But I have two snakes because it's like we have to also twist. Well, you know, like just reclaiming symbols that have been used to like. I mean, I could talk about this forever, especially just like even like witch hunts.

[01:05:08] I learned about this through like someone who studies history. I won't tell you we can talk about this offline. But yeah, the witch wound, which wound his stuff like that you're being hunted down just because you are a woman

[01:05:21] who has power and how that has taken our power from us and the association with the snake in the feminine with danger and evil and all these things. There any anyone listening right now who's interested. Go go get the books.

[01:05:34] Go do the watch all the things read the articles because there's a lot of freedom to be found in reclaiming some of this stuff as women. Moab shock about that later. I've been looking for other witchy serpent women to talk with about this stuff.

[01:05:52] I'm going to be messaging you. OK, what do you are you a podcast listener? Do you have a favorite podcast or an episode that just lives rent free? Yeah, there's I mean, there I'm so new to survivor to the survivor world, to reality TV.

[01:06:09] Like I so one that I a podcast, not reality to be connected, but it's called what is dissect and it is a music podcast that breaks down or dissects albums and or songs and really like investigates kind of like the symbolism,

[01:06:28] the imagery, even like the composition of the music made provides some historical context of like the artist. And so I started off with Kendrick Lamar's Dan album and then they also have like a season on Lauren Hills, the Miss Education of Lauren Hill and whoa,

[01:06:43] does it make you like really appreciate just kind of like the artistry and it's like sometimes line by line beat by beat of specific songs. So that is I would start with Kendrick Lamar's Dan album, if you're because I think it won. It did win the Pulitzer.

[01:07:00] I think that's the one that or I forget what ward it won. But yeah, are you a music music person? What song do you listen to on repeat right now? You've got a favorite on repeat right now. I am listening to OK, I'm just lately not like us.

[01:07:18] Kendrick Lamar looking at my iTunes right now, something that's very summery and like feels good to my love, the tiny remix by Bomba Stedio. I think that's like a nice summer song. That's on repeat aside from Lady Gaga's chromatica album. That will always which will always be.

[01:07:38] So do you have anything that you'd like to talk about? That's going on in your life, where are your current handles? Anything you want to plug? Yeah, I mean, let me just do quick, quick social media plugs. Yeah, so weird to plug my social media

[01:07:53] because I will just randomly. I OK, side sidebar. I was reading, of course, I browse read it sometimes when I'm like really bored and someone was like Carla, what did they say? They're like, it seems like Carla didn't have enjoy her time on Survivor because she doesn't really.

[01:08:10] Her Instagram isn't about survivor. She doesn't really post about much. And I'm like, I'm doing the opposite because my life has to be beyond more than survivor. And I thought just that it was so interesting.

[01:08:21] I'm like, what you expect me to hang on to this for two years and every post just be about the same thing. Anyway. Yeah, I think they do. I think they do expect that. It's so weird. Yes, my life. My Instagram is yes queer, why a square,

[01:08:36] which is actually from I wanted it to be yes, queen. Was watching Broad City, but yes, Queen was taken. So I was like, yes, queer. And then Instagram, Twitter is I think it's X Carla Cruz Godoy. I'm also on LinkedIn. So let's make some professional connection. Yeah, yes.

[01:08:59] And I think that's it. I'm not really. I don't post on TikTok the way I want to. I don't do YouTube. I oh, and I stream sometimes Fortnite. So if you want to watch some of my streams, they're really dumb, but it's Fortnite.

[01:09:12] Survivor Carla is my username for that or handle for that. Listen, we are so part of my job, event plan, but I also do a lot of conference planning. So right now we have our organization is having our annual conference. It is the end of July, July 22nd

[01:09:30] to the 25th in Memphis, Tennessee. I am like the main stage coordinator manager. So I am really busy trying to get people in and confirm their times, you know, to run a show and stuff like that. So we have that conference.

[01:09:44] If you're interested to learn more about Big Picture Learning and or any of the services or fellowships that we offer, can go to bigpicture.org. If you are an education, if you are, you know, want to learn more about equity and leadership and leadership development.

[01:09:59] We also have really cool initiatives and some apps and things like that that you might want to look into. And personally, I haven't had a vacation in since December. I haven't got a long time, but I'm getting ready to. So I'm going to.

[01:10:12] It's June, that's half the year. We're get that PTO in. I know, right? With work, I'm going to Kenya in about three weeks, which is crazy. But then after that, I'm taking like two weeks off and going to Barcelona and Portugal and like finally

[01:10:26] unwinding because I've been on the go for so many months. And that is. That's a lot to look forward to. It's amazing. And if anyone would like to donate, so you can go to bigpicturelearning.org. If you've enjoyed listening to the podcast,

[01:10:40] consider throwing five bucks, 10 bucks that way to help Carla and her work. I actually want to shout out Planned Parenthood. I think everyone should have access to reproductive health care, health care in general. So do you know that people get vasectomies at Planned Parenthood?

[01:10:57] Do you know that people get cancer screenings at Planned Parenthood? Do you know that you can get all sorts of health care at Planned Parenthood? Anyway, there are all sorts of ways that Planned Parenthood helps people receive affordable, accessible health care, which is so important.

[01:11:17] Folks, it's so important. So thank you for bringing that up. Yes, thank you. I appreciate that. Carla, thank you so much for spending time with me today. I feel like there are a thousand. I think I went through like three of my 15 questions I had

[01:11:32] learned so much and just really appreciate your time and your energy and your willingness to be here just a few years out from your experience. I appreciate it so much. Thank you. Thank you for having me. I really enjoyed this, you know, this

[01:11:50] we've been on for about 90 minutes. It I wow, it just raises a lot of really cool memories. Didn't they I was going to get emotional? I got a little emotional, but I think that's I mean, we're all human, but also there is.

[01:12:04] Not I mean, there's just so much beauty to this experience. And I'm glad to be a part of it. Yeah, I hope that we can continue to do some good in the community within the survivor community, not just with the fans,

[01:12:15] but also within alums and I hope they know that. I hope all the survivor loves of any of you are watching. We were here for you. I'm here for you like if you're going to be don't you have to do this alone? Yeah, you don't do it alone.

[01:12:30] I know that's so true. OK, we'll be in touch. Thank you. Take care. You too. Awesome. I'd like to thank Rob Cesternino and the entire RHAP Team for their support in making this podcast. Jessica Sterling is the editor. Tricky Rice created the artwork.

[01:12:50] To all of my fellow survivors, thank you for showing up for free to give me and all the listeners a look into your lives that we wouldn't otherwise get to see. I'm much gratitude to all of you listening. If you'd like to connect and only if you're kind,

[01:13:05] you can find me on social media at theKellenBee or at kellenbeckdoll.com, where I as a holistic career coach tried to give away as many free resources as I can to help people find more happiness and success in their career journeys.

[01:13:20] May each of your realities lead down a road of peace, Joy and a whole lot of adventure. And now here's Jacob Derwin with Mira from Manhattan. Her name is Mira from Manhattan. Her name is Chelsea from Chelsea. Her name is Christa from Columbus.

[01:13:50] It doesn't matter much to me. Now she's staring out the window. She's turning on the night. She takes a pen to her new novel. And the airplane takes flight. My never knew. My never knew. My never knew. My never knew. My never knew. We're flying out to Dublin.

[01:15:01] Just to stop along the trail. Mira hops from there to Paris. I ride to Belfast on the rail. Now she's cheering in the winery. I'm staring at the sea. Her name is Mira from Manhattan. It doesn't matter much to me. My never knew. My never knew.

[01:15:45] My never knew. My never knew. You. You.