FEED DROP: Road to Reality | Representation with Karla Cruz Godoy

[00:00:08] Welcome back to Road to Reality Season 2. This is a podcast where we talk to former survivor players not about playing survivor, but about being a person who was on survivor. Season 1 was such a journey.

[00:00:19] The 10 episodes are evergreen and would be just as good of a listen today as when they were released last year. So if you're new here and you do like what you hear today, go back and check out some of those episodes wherever you listen to podcasts.

[00:00:32] Today we dive into what some call the new era of survivor for the first time here at Road to Reality. I originally wanted to keep to interviewing people who had been out of playing the game for quite a few years

[00:00:43] to give them time and perspective on their experience. But I had a phone conversation last year with Season 43's Karla Cruz Godoy about her experience just one year out. I was fascinated and impressed by her ability to put her experience into perspective already at that time.

[00:01:00] And this conversation is equally as fascinating another year later. I am ecstatic to present to you the ambitious, gregarious and adventurous Karla Cruz Godoy. So Karla, we spoke for the first time from what I can remember on a telephone call about a year ago, right?

[00:01:22] Was this about a year ago? Yeah, I think so, yes. I was in the car on a road trip, got connected. I don't remember how because under the umbrella of what is it like to be on survivor and have conversations and meet people

[00:01:40] and then have us all go through this machine of being on TV and come out the other side. Unrecognizable in some senses, but then our identity has been so tied into the survivor experience, getting on survivor, being on survivor.

[00:01:55] Now our show is on survivor that it gets a little muddy. Does that sound like an overview of the reason, the overall reason as to why we were connecting and the mindset we were in and having that conversation that day? Yes, yes.

[00:02:11] I think to add a little more context, I think I was really in and I'm still in a space of like, I really want to get to know folks who play the game.

[00:02:21] And for me now, it's more like I'd love to know more about what people do, but it's really around like, who are we? We are then thrown into like this community, this like alumni community.

[00:02:33] But we still hold on to not, I don't know if we hold on to it, but others have these assumptions or idea of who we are just based on this television show and it can get a little muddy, it can get a little blurred when people are like,

[00:02:47] oh wait, you're not mean or you're not, you know, like whatever misconception they have of you. And it's like, no, I'm a human. I'm not this character. But yes, I agree.

[00:02:58] So Karla, let's just recenter on the years in which you went through like when you applied, when you filmed and when your show aired. So we can remember what years that was. Yes. Yes. So I applied, I applied September, I believe it's September 16th, 2021.

[00:03:16] And then I filmed May 2022, filmed season 43, which aired, when did it air September of 2022 and ended December 14th, 2022. Okay. What went two years ago that you got back from playing? Yes. Wow. Yes. It would have been at this point exactly. Cool.

[00:03:36] And if we look at the survivor roller coaster in, we'll just say it's in years of like you return and it's between filming and airing. So let's call that one chunk. And then there's the airing and it's been a year.

[00:03:55] And then now we're in the it's airing and it's been two years. So in those three kind of areas. Mm-hmm. Can you describe a little bit for you the differences in experience of your mental health, your mental experience, your interaction with the world in those three buckets?

[00:04:14] Do you see a difference or do you not? Oh, for sure. I, um, so we're going to even start. Do you want the pre pre applying to her? Yeah. I love to hear that. You, it is September 2021. We're sorting through the pandemic. Yes.

[00:04:33] And you are applying to survivor. Where are you in the world at that time? I was living in September 2021. I was living in Carney, New Jersey.

[00:04:42] Um, I was just kind of saving to buy a house that I thought I was going to buy in Jersey and I pretty doing well in my job. I think a travel had just started resuming. Um, and I was kind of ending a full binge of survivor.

[00:05:00] And so I think it was mid if not early 40 season 41. I saw folks who looked a lot more like me and I was like, what is going on with survivor?

[00:05:10] Like I can see myself on this show whereas, you know, 40 seasons before there is no way I saw myself on TV. And, um, I think that that's kind of what did it after binge binging.

[00:05:23] I think it took us, I don't know, six months less than six months to watch. And us as you and your wife. Sorry. Yes. Yes. My wife and I, um, during COVID we were just going through them all. And then there was just, it wasn't even like bald.

[00:05:37] It was more of like because I'm super adventurous and I'm just like spontaneous. I'm impulsive too. I was like, let me just apply pulled out my laptop. I saw what the requirements were. And I think that same day, I was like three minute video.

[00:05:51] I grabbed this laptop that I currently have and I was just walking around my apartment. Just filming it. That's how my video is literally me just walking around, um, my apartment and just kind of cutting it up to, you know, what I needed to do.

[00:06:05] And so I think between the casting process, I was fairly nervous and I don't think I'd been as nervous as I was, but I also, I applied once. It was out of the way and never thought about it ever again because I never thought

[00:06:21] it would happen until I got the call back where I was like, what? This is serious. Like you like me. Um, and then you didn't email or a phone call. It was a phone call and I remember specifically I was at dinner with my

[00:06:35] in-laws and, um, my casting director was like, Jeff wants to speak with you. And I was like, now it's like eight o'clock and she's like, no, no, no. We're going to set up a call. And I was like, okay, this is weird.

[00:06:48] Um, and then, but I still thought, you know, I never assume anything. I never assume I'm going to get something until it happens. And so just went through the process, but I was just, I also had to keep business as usual with work. Yeah.

[00:07:01] It was just like a side thing. Like, okay, I'm doing a call. I'm doing a call and it wasn't until the, they asked me for the five minute video. I think I was in Mexico with my grandparents visiting that I was like,

[00:07:10] oh, I really have to put some work into this. Like this is actually, it seems like it could possibly happen. Um, but even then my social media presence, I'm very, it's more of my adventures. I rarely posted pictures of myself on T on my Instagram.

[00:07:25] It was more like, look at all the travel that I do because I just love showing the world what I see. And then we filmed and then post filming. I was, you know, it's so, I was just talking to my wife about this recently.

[00:07:38] I came back, Lisa was like, I thought you won. I thought you'd won the way that I was just like super hyped about my experience. I was so happy. I was so proud and without giving her anything, I was just glowing.

[00:07:51] I was like, you're going to like just wait until you see. And she was like, okay, this is weird. Um, and I just there's so much and obviously a lot of it has to do with weight loss too, but I was, there was a glow in me.

[00:08:03] There was a tan. There was this like, oof. I'm out. I look good. Um, and it was also traumatizing though. I was having nightmares on nightmares. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat regrets. Right? It was like, what did I do? What did I, did I not do?

[00:08:20] I should have not trusted this person or I should have. It was just things playing in my head and the whole cast is reeling with it and we're all like, what do we do? You know, like, why did you do this?

[00:08:29] You know, there's still a lot of life. Yeah. What was the, what was like the temperature of, what was the temperature of your cause we'll just talk post merge cause you don't know the pre-merge group. Maybe you do.

[00:08:42] I mean, we, you were a part of the post merge group. Right. What was the temperature? Like if 10 is like season 46, like it seems like everybody hates each other. I don't know if that's true or not from social media.

[00:08:53] That's what it seems like, which is what we're here to kind of put myths too. Yes. And zero is like everyone is in perfect harmony. Like what would you give the temperature from your perspective of the post merge cast?

[00:09:06] Those like that, like arriving home that day, the first couple weeks. The first couple weeks, you said 10 being hate, like zero being kumbaya. Yeah. I'd say we were out of like post merge 1.5. Okay. So you're coming back. You're feeling like you have met the best friends of

[00:09:25] your life. You had a great experience. You remind me what place you got? This fifth. So you had a little bit of time at Ponderosa, but not much, but enough that you had a couple nights there to

[00:09:38] like hang out and get to know people outside of the game. So you're coming back. You're like almost kumbaya. There's questions happening. You're glowing. We all are. I mean, we know have no processed junk. I mean, I barely got to go on reward, but like no processed food.

[00:09:56] No, everyone's like, aren't your teeth disgusting? I'm like, no, you don't eat any food. So your teeth are like so mine were at least like so the widest they'd ever been. No, I had clear skin, like all this stuff. So you're glowing.

[00:10:07] You're walking in walking up back to your wife and you and Lisa were married at the time when you went correct. Okay. And so your wife is greeting you at the airport and she's like, Oh my God, you're glowing. You look amazing. You must have.

[00:10:19] You look like a million bucks. And it was I yes that and I remember I tried. I was like, I'm not going to tell her where I placed, but I remember that night and for like, I think the next

[00:10:29] two nights, maybe it was that night we stayed up to like four in the morning and I was just tell I was just dumping everything on her. I was like, and this and we're just in bad. Remember, we were just in bed like staring at each

[00:10:40] other like this laying there just talking to each other and she's like, Oh my gosh. Yeah, it was beautiful. It was great. And then the cast we talked with each other like all day every day, like we wouldn't stop texting with each other. We FaceTime resumed.

[00:10:56] We met up in August. It was great. Until the airy. Okay. So you were you were were there hard parts about coming back into the world? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I remember just being into the world.

[00:11:19] I remember like just being in LAX it was like there's all these neon lights and it's so loud and there's so many people and my phone is going off and I remember just feeling like a sense of just stimulus like extra stimulus being too much at the time.

[00:11:37] Did you feel that way or you were excited to be back? No, I was really excited to be back. I think for me one of the biggest changes for me in my life and I've been in so many situations where I was like all for sure since

[00:11:51] coming back from the island or from the game was that I and even to this day why I injured myself a lot right on the show on out there and there's just something really cool about going through that experience coming back and feeling stronger even though you know

[00:12:07] you lose a lot of muscle whatnot but I was like I have to keep this going. So I really could be healthy could not be healthy because I was like I'm not just a habit that I've picked up because I loved the adrenaline

[00:12:19] rush that came out of being out there. It was something that I haven't felt in a long time and I was like I want to keep that going so but since returning sorry I'm like going off to know it's totally this is how this

[00:12:31] is a good example of what it's like to have become a survivor survivor life becomes tangent is it connected to survivor is it not like how much did my life change so it's great this is what we're here for no apologies.

[00:12:45] And I'll say this to and it's connected to like the working out the crew or the team was at least really intentional about not weighing us after we got out and I remember seeing once I arrived to Ponderosa I cried when I saw myself in the mirror

[00:13:01] because I was like who the hell is that but also really happy they didn't weigh us because I feel like that is something knowing myself I would have probably that would have been harmful to me just because I knew that that was at least that

[00:13:17] image of me of who I was going of who I was representing. I didn't want to see myself or come back and that impact the way that I now live life and so luckily that transition helped which I was surprised by hearing for 46

[00:13:33] when they were like oh no they weighed us and this is how much weight we lost I was like oh they switched it up. Yeah I didn't realize that they didn't do I mean for us it was like part of our Ponderosa video to like see coming out.

[00:13:46] Yeah. When you said because of the image I was going out as would you speak more to that? When I applied I definitely part of my application was like I'm a plus I is queer woman right and this is how I want to be represented this is

[00:14:05] I want to show you that I can be a challenge beast that I can you know play this game just as anyone else I knew then that if I were to play long in the game or just you know you don't eat in the

[00:14:17] game when I returned and lost weight if I were to lose weight I just didn't want that weight loss to then be something that I strive to keep off even though it was like that weight losses starved weight you know it is starved it is starved weight

[00:14:33] you know like yeah in my Ponderosa video I say he tells me how much I've lost and I say well it's no Kelly Wentworth because she had lost like so a huge percentage of that so even when I'm like in total survivor mode like

[00:14:49] as far gone as I was going to get on day 35 I'm still in comparison mode about my body and that I didn't lose enough weight and so thank you for bringing up this conversation and talking about it and from a perspective of what happens to our bodies

[00:15:11] in this game is a really big deal yes you know I don't think I've ever mentioned this or said this on a podcast or anything but I think the first clip like the promo clip there's still I think the first early episodes I'm like who is that

[00:15:27] because I do not recognize myself within the early days of the game I just don't recognize myself at all throughout actually the show and it's weird it's weird one thing that I was very cognizant cognizant of while I was filming is

[00:15:45] how much body I was going to show because you know you care like I just didn't want anyone to clip something to be like and of course I have no control over what people do they may have I don't know

[00:15:57] but there was a moment I think it was Sammy's episode where he gets booted where I'm walking and I think I've only done this once or twice I kind of did it at the last gasp I take my shirt off and I'm playing in

[00:16:09] my bra that's a big for me like I was just out there and I was like let me do it but then there's other moments throughout the game where I'm like there's just this confidence that I just start building in myself and I'm like I don't

[00:16:19] care I'd rather just do this because I'm out here and I don't care what people say I'm just going to start walking around just in my bra if anyone else can do it I should do it and those were I think those were

[00:16:29] key moments that stand out to me they're small I don't think I've ever repeated them but did it feel liberating oh definitely it definitely felt liberating and no one cared no one was like Carla you know I was just like normal and I was like okay

[00:16:45] that's what I'm here for so when you say that I don't recognize myself watching back another thing you had said in the predispoken is that you detach from reality and created your own world so what you said in your which is so crazy you guys we can

[00:17:05] go back and watch interviews of ourselves after we our exit press and then we did another podcast three months later we do another podcast now here two years later and sometimes you watch back and you're like wait what that's how I saw it that's what I mean

[00:17:21] so I don't want to put attachment to keeping these words that you said true it's totally fine if not but it did stick out to me that you said I detach from reality and created my own world and now you're saying as you watch back

[00:17:35] you didn't recognize yourself yes wondering what I'm yeah yeah yeah what's going on here yeah what's going on here okay so I know exactly what I said so and what I meant a lot of folks out there you know like you're out there you're alone you're lonely

[00:17:55] and you when you have nothing to do you think about family think about back home you think about your normal life and I slowly had to say forget the real world in order to kind of like keep my mind in the game and not feel like I'm missing

[00:18:13] and not you know like I just had to be like cut it off now you are in this game mode this is the only reality happening because I know that if I would have kind of kept going back and wondering what's my wife doing then I couldn't

[00:18:29] you know keep myself here and so I think that's what I meant by I detached myself from reality and I think which is why when we talk about like the sanctuary visit or like the loved ones letters when people are like really upset they didn't go

[00:18:43] I was like I don't care who's my wife like I don't have a wife right now because that's also how at least for me if I got too soft maybe that would be a weakness in the game and now as I say that I don't recognize myself sometimes

[00:19:01] well one I haven't seen my entire season since but the clips that I do watch maybe it's because it's been so long ago but when there's things that I did out there that I would never do in real life um backstab people lie to people you know like

[00:19:17] there's things that I that's not honorable to who I am and so sometimes when I see myself like you know backed up into a corner at the final five I'm never backed up in life you know yeah yeah animal kind of Carla that came out

[00:19:35] but also conniving and like a little she's fun but that's it's yeah it's a separate life that I kind of lived out there that makes sense yeah do you how much of it was well first of all there is a piece that is designed by production that is

[00:20:03] disconnecting us from our real life selves in ways like pregame well maybe yours was COVID so it might have been different but we were at pregame for like a week you're already sleeping in a tent you already don't at least I didn't know what time it was yeah

[00:20:29] you are not speaking to people you are all walking around one another and not speaking for an entire week which is I think psychologically designed to get you to disassociate from your non-survivor self you're nodding do you agree with me here

[00:20:57] what was this your experience I mean I didn't feel that at the time I just thought these are the rules obviously we can't be talking because that would ruin the game like this is about keeping the game pure and I look back

[00:21:09] and I think I wonder how much of it is psychologically separating us from ourselves intentionally to get ready for this like game experience I think people probably have to do it to go into the Super Bowl or all this stuff

[00:21:23] where oh where do you relate or where am I wrong no I agree even during the game where you know you go get your med checks before challenges you're in a tent and you're supposed to sit on the ground and stay quiet

[00:21:37] and I know the first few times I had some of my cast mates just really upset and like tell production like this is not okay you know like I mean it's you're sitting on the ground but it's like could we have a chair I think that's why

[00:21:51] and you think about it all adds to it but I think that's you know I mean that's the element of the game too if you know you're this if you're removed if you've removed yourself you're then able to I think take more risks and play a little different

[00:22:07] and be more conniving and at least for me as a woman especially I think it gives you the more untied you are from the expectations of a living and society the easier it was I did not do a very good job by the way

[00:22:27] I was very emotionally connected played an entirely social game the more time I'm out of it even less and less and less and less and less strategic I see how I was like my self perception of what my strategy was coming out I recorded the whole conversation

[00:22:45] which I'm thinking about doing an episode here I have 12 hours of audio recorded my first 12 hours when I got back from the airport my brother and I stayed up all night and I talked through my entire game and I've listened back and it is insane

[00:23:01] talk about not being connected to reality my level of what I thought my strategy was that day was insane compared to how I feel about it today so maybe I'm taking this down a different path so much but how has your perception of your experience and how you

[00:23:29] have the survivor time changed as the time has gone if it has well I think what the edit and the show kind of does but not really and even then connecting when you connect with your cast you then get all the other points of use and perspectives because

[00:23:47] similar to you I came back I recorded myself and I was like I could have won this thing right like I should have won whatever but then when you connect the dots and you're just like oh wait actually I was really dumb like I had no control

[00:24:03] of this but I thought I did so that's an awakening so you return and then before the airing it was a lot of questions but it was pretty positive like I was making a lot of friends I was having the one thing though

[00:24:19] I will say a lot of it also connects to the ego and this can be on and off record but I think the hard part with a lot of folks when you come I mean you've noticed it the game never ends and

[00:24:33] it can end right like I can just move on with my life most people do I think it's the reflection piece and I think I've given myself enough peace and grace to say I have a whole last career I have a whole life

[00:24:49] that to me survivor isn't the peak of my life it is just one little like it is an adventure it is a side quest it's something cool that I've added to you know my hobbies on my resume and

[00:25:03] I've had a lot of time to reflect and sit with it and I just love I'm very introspective but I think I was getting at the ego yes it is it is between before it airs it's more like alright

[00:25:19] you're reading a little bit about yourself because our cast was leaked and so I'm like what do people think about me mm-hmm and then it isn't until it finally starts airing and so I think to the airing part it is wow it is that's where I feel

[00:25:35] like a lot of things go down internally with myself with the cast with the world at least our community and the ego for some for me my case was it felt so good to be liked it felt so good I had a lot of confessionals

[00:25:55] I was like wow I'm feeling myself a little bit but there were moments that I also had to check myself because I knew that it could go sideways at any time or like for others on my cast they weren't getting the same airtime

[00:26:07] where they weren't getting the same edit it wasn't a one person show and I knew that but you're always on this and that for me was the hardest part I'm holding up my phone my wife would look at me and be like

[00:26:21] get off your phone what are you doing and there's I think that's the one part that I really didn't like about the airing experience as you watch yourself you're constantly at least I was what are people saying on Instagram

[00:26:35] I think everyone I don't know of anyone who has successfully stayed off of it that was in my group I think some people stay off but yeah I'm going to go to Twitter then I'm on Instagram then I'm on Reddit and I go back up again

[00:26:47] and like go through the cycle plus there's so much feeding that the ego there's entertainment Dalton's putting articles out Gordon Holmes is putting articles out I mean there's the actual press coming out and I think people who say well just ignore the haters it's like

[00:27:05] okay so if you want me to ignore the haters that means that you would like me to not notice and read when Dalton Ross wrote an article about me like let me you go in a closet and don't read an article

[00:27:17] as a survivor fan you go in a closet don't read an article that Dalton Ross writes about you and it's impossible to navigate through the high experiences and the fun experience of watching survivor without receiving all of the stray bullets of the shit and the fan

[00:27:37] quote unquote base expectation to just ignore it I have thankfully now seven years later Carla arrived at your fucking hilarious like nice try like your solution is just don't look at it like oh my god that's so sweet you've never experienced anything like this as condescending

[00:27:59] as that sounds I hear it it is the most freedom I've found is like oh my sweetheart you haven't experienced the spotlight exactly it's something the only way to describe it is it's something it's all consuming something yo I couldn't work I mean I had

[00:28:25] to work I had to work I think I didn't take any time off I think I went from two days from filming straight back to work which is wild that I did that but I think that's what kind of got me through as well I guess

[00:28:39] I was surrounded they're expecting me to do these projects and to work and it was but then I also allowed myself to have fun during the season and I traveled a lot I tried no I'm not gonna lie it's not that I tried

[00:28:57] I did not try to say off of social media and it wasn't until I think where it's finally like my arc is really interesting and cool at a time I got a lot of really positive portrayal or at least you felt good about your edit

[00:29:15] and then I think and of course there's things that I was like I wish they would have included that so many people do right they should have showed this and this and then I think at the end it was right where it was like

[00:29:29] I kind of was a little warned that it could go either way I knew I was out there and I wasn't prepared for the perception or at least the way that folks handled the ending and I unfortunately alongside like Jesse we kind of really

[00:29:47] got a lot of hey I think I got the most of it but Jesse was right there with me and so for me to have both experiences was really interesting to me because my ego was here at the beginning and then at the end

[00:30:01] it was like what just happened and I'm kind of not that I'm glad back now now to look back I'm like well I'm glad I got both because I couldn't handle how you know I needed humble myself a little bit but and it's not the worst thing

[00:30:17] that's ever happened in my life getting all this on my hate I think I took a few months off maybe like a few weeks off of social media and then I came back and I was like alright I'm back like I'm I it's been a cool ride

[00:31:32] now that it's been I think I came back online and was prepared to see the world I think January of 2023 or like February of 2023 and all of last year was more of like okay what just happened and how do I but once again I'm so busy with work

[00:31:50] I tell myself about work just tell me about we can come back to that, tell me about your job what do you do for work you make an impact in the world let's hear about it I'm a teacher learning we're an education nonprofit that believes that

[00:32:04] all young people deserve an education of their own that like is led by their own interests that are heavily focused on relationships like you can be the author of your own education and we have schools all over the country we have schools across the world

[00:32:20] but I specifically and I'm an alum of one of these schools so I was born and raised in San Diego, California and I graduated one of their high schools and I really left feeling like for all those four years whatever I was interested in I did internships

[00:32:38] I took college classes so I felt really prepared after high school to kind of just approach a career that I felt I wanted to approach and be in and so for the organization now I am I'm a project manager but I also lead a few fellowship programs

[00:32:56] and so we have equity fellows, and these are leadership development fellowships for one of them is folks who are in school so like principals, superintendents we have organization leaders and I do a lot of kind of like the curating of events so we have national convening slash retreats

[00:33:16] that I alongside our small team but we we curate, we plan, we develop, we execute these really cool retreats that really have our leaders, our school leaders kind of reflect on their own leadership but also we incorporate elements of wellness

[00:33:34] my goodness we need to take care of our educators thank goodness somebody's doing this work have you worked for a big picture like since school? Have you always worked for them? Did you go work elsewhere and then come back to the school? so I started working with BPL

[00:33:50] March of 2020 right before everything the pandemic started before then I was I started my education or my career in education as a teacher in Washington DC I didn't know that, I'm sure you've said it and I somehow missed that so what you were teaching what age?

[00:34:12] 9th grade English okay high schoolers and I loved it so much but I think that I went into education because I wanted to be a principal of my high school that I went to and I was like this is not good but I went into a traditional

[00:34:30] education way instead of this school network and quickly I learned oh not all schools are the school that I went to and I think I did three or four years and I was like I need to get out of here this is like not the students

[00:34:44] I love the students yes it was just like I had got to get out and then I went into the nonprofit world and I think I was at a different organization for about a year and a half before big picture kind of knocked and was like hey

[00:34:58] you know like would you be interested yes and since then it's been amazing and I love love love what I do we have like this really cool like it's a keynote where we incorporate music and storytelling and vulnerability and we only had like leaders of color

[00:35:18] take the stage but we call it like our traveling it's called leadership journeys and we go to different conferences and elevate our leaders and it is so cool and that's like one of my favorite projects that I'm working on right now sounds amazing

[00:35:34] so you have this sort of creativity production leadership education kind of all swimming together and it works it works so well with like who I am as a person I love to be around people I love like personally I love hosting like my friends over

[00:35:54] I love throwing parties barbecues anything like any excuse for people to come over to my house and have a good time that is the type of person I am but I think that's how I grew up as well like a really loud Mexican family yeah

[00:36:08] so it's sort of that is something that has led through and I assume while playing survivor being a I heard you talk about that I'm proud to spoken about being a people person and all that living the you were survivor like going to the backyard

[00:36:22] having a barbecue or going to the island having a barbecue being around people telling stories hearing stories this is who you are and you're getting to do that in your work which is incredible since you have hargan back to childhood your parents were really

[00:36:38] young when they had you okay and you were born in San Diego yes I had a few watch parties in San Diego because I was out there traveling for work surprisingly during my season and I had this big one the week before the finale

[00:36:54] it was really amazing to see like aunts and uncles and cousins who I haven't talked to show up because I also left home when I was 18 and I rarely go back like it's been a long time since I've really been with my family so that's a time element

[00:37:14] but it's really cool for them to be like oh wow I can't believe you did that to this person so to see them catch up with it was a really cool experience I think one thing that it did do is I have an older brother

[00:37:26] and I had no idea that my brother was a huge survivor fan I think up until that moment when I was like I'm going on the show and he's like I love Ozzy, I love Boston I was like what? It was just wild

[00:37:40] and so I think that really brought us closer I think one cool part about it though being on TV was that I was able to reconnect with some of my old teachers or I had these young kids reach out to me who are like

[00:37:54] I'm in Mr. Crawford's class you went to middle school with him and we're watching you and I'm like wow to be from the hood but also to have kids from the hood and I'm going to go out to you and be like

[00:38:06] I am watching you and I know I'm at the same middle school that you went to or I know your teachers that's the one part that I was like whoa because I feel like the hood and survivor do not there's no connection really

[00:38:20] Yeah I wanted to talk to you about this because you've talked about the types of women, the size of women there is more representation in New Era Survivor thank god but in a way I have this theory that the survivor experience is extremely extremely exclusive

[00:38:40] to people who have money Yeah already I mean not that that's true because there are some people who who come from less money or need the money more than others but the experience of getting on survivor already is one that requires money and do you feel

[00:39:00] there's like a class exclusion among the people who play survivor Yeah I wouldn't say money rather like certain because I know there's a few folks in my cast who don't have quote unquote like money but they were able to make it work you know um

[00:39:24] I think there's a sense of not even privilege but there's a sense of yeah like you have to have the freedom to leave your job or to quit your job I use my PTO so like you know like even having PTO um

[00:39:42] the ability to even take time off to do all these interviews and do all these yeah so oh of course there is what I also wonder though like maybe that I don't know maybe it's just not I don't know actually I just think that there's still a distinct

[00:40:00] there might just be a pool of people who apply every year who fit a certain category um and maybe the folks who are watching casually and we might want I don't know I don't know what I'm trying to get at but yes anyway you have to have resources

[00:40:18] you have to have so many resources to apply to get on survivor there's a lot involved in getting on the show um and I just heard you in the prior to spoken talk about that like being from the hood and that is not the representation

[00:40:36] and then what was it like to have kids from where you grew up say hey I see myself oh my gosh I know that's yeah the way you just phrased it I don't know why it's making you I'm gonna sit with that I'm gonna sit with that

[00:41:00] why it's making me emotional but it's cool to see I wish we could have more um whoof you're getting me um alright let me take a minute take your time um I think well I know I'm getting emotional because I think um it is sorry for the silence

[00:41:31] that's what editing is for there's no need to apologize and at any point you say this is not meant for sharing we don't have this can just be between between the two of us you don't have to say the right thing

[00:41:47] we can decide later if you want to keep it okay okay it hits at certain like emotional strings I think because um I've never I don't want to let I've never really seen anyone like me or Jesse and please correct me if I'm wrong um on the show

[00:42:15] and even then like since you know in the last like three seasons and so it's really um like special to me um to I'm gonna pause here so it's just really cool to talk about and it is something that I can say that I can like

[00:42:36] leave my footprint on and hopefully open more doors and hopefully just seeing the seeing me like if people are like I saw Carla and it made me want to apply I'm happy but also I need more diverse stories because not everyone you know

[00:42:59] the amount of people who have degrees on you know the cast or who have jobs where they can it's it's not accessible to everyone and I just wish it could be and maybe they're working on it who knows yeah I don't know it's just something that

[00:43:15] I've noticed over the last I don't know I guess during the diversity initiative that has changed and to me I will say this over and over my dead body can anyone argue against that the casting is not I mean miles better in the new

[00:43:31] era because of the diversity initiative and the stories that are being told and there's still so much more every single human being has their own story and to expose viewers especially younger kids who seem to be watching the show to be able to see themselves

[00:43:55] no matter who they are in someone who plays survivor like no matter who I am as a kid to see part of themselves in someone is a gift and that is part of the gift that you have given me it's so

[00:44:10] sweet when you say oh I was in Mrs Crawford's class and I saw you and I know that I mean even if it was just that one child which it wasn't just that yeah impact that you had and does that put into some perspective this

[00:44:26] the reason for the ride of it all um no well no because I know this is so funny because I'm like I go from like look at what I've done you know like look at this but but then no I think I the reason I applied honestly

[00:44:48] well aside from being like finally have someone that you know like I could finally see myself on TV um it really well you know what what was the reason I mean I wanted to win but I also wanted have an amazing time and I also wanted

[00:45:04] one to have I just wanted to show that you could be badass and not be you know a model but yes I think at all my life has been I love my life it's a lot of I went through so much but I love

[00:45:25] stop don't look at me wait let's cut this off I don't know what I'm trying to say ask the can you ask a question again yeah for sure um my question was as we happened to land on this part of your experience which is representation

[00:45:51] when we think about the entire roller coaster ride the high as the lows the experience of it all quote unquote we're still here we're still doing it you know not right now in this moment we're still in the survivor thing yes does the representation piece help give reason

[00:46:11] and purpose to this maybe especially the lows but to the highs and lows of going on this ride in your already beautiful life that you've created for yourself yes okay definitely I like the way you frame it at the time 100% I think that that is the

[00:46:35] I mean I think that's I don't even know if that's the reason why I got cast but I think that's the reason why I kind of told casting that they should bring me on the show is to one just be be that person for other queer women queer

[00:46:57] plus-sized women girls from girls from the hood girls who struggled um daughter of immigrants and it is it's cool to see it's it makes it like when you remove all these other layers of external you know social media editing whatever that is still true right like this

[00:47:21] represent representation piece exists in my audition tapes it exists in my bios it exists in this and so that's what that's what's gonna stay hopefully that is what's gonna stay yeah it is it is already written um my on the light side of this

[00:47:47] it is okay to give an example and I'll bring them in here hey Adrienne you want to come in and say hi um my husband you're your his favorite she's she's has stuff going on she's oh maybe her wife's coming too you're his favorite hi how are you

[00:48:07] hi how are you doing good nice to meet you um I love you awesome thank you I don't get that from men a lot but I appreciate that well sincerely I mean besides the fact that I mean there there aren't that many resemblances between you and my sister

[00:48:31] but you have the same name and that's kind of funny but I mean just seeing you in the show um I don't know if Kelly brought this up but you are a fashion icon for me um a fashion icon why how so you wore

[00:48:53] a black plaid shirt during the show mm-hmm yeah and I feel like that that is a representation of you know the Latino culture here in America thank you I appreciate that I appreciate it yeah I was I had a few options but

[00:49:15] I think I asked one of the castmates or one of the crew members to do my hair too and I was like ooh this is looking like yeah and so I had to buy myself a couple of those after I saw that you're lying for real

[00:49:27] yeah I didn't have any surprisingly well I'm a first generation Latino uh Spanish so I don't have much like US culture and I feel like that was more unique to US you know yeah kind of it's like yeah exactly so I was just

[00:49:43] really happy to share in that with you oh thank you I appreciate that so much wait where are you from where's your family from my dad is from Nicaragua and my mom is from Spain so I've always had a little bit more connection

[00:49:55] with my Spanish family but I mean when it comes to culinary culture it's always been a Latino as well ooh okay how about you are you first generation how's it work with you yeah yeah my parents immigrated when they were in high school so first generation

[00:50:15] Chicago or Mexican-American I was born in the states in San Diego but yeah both Mexican my wife is Portuguese though and so I get that Portuguese food and kind of like when we cook it's like oh both cultures really add like a really cool twist to it

[00:50:33] sure does we love Portugal as well on their food we do yeah we would be at the stores and he would like hold up two shirts and be like is this one more Carla or is this one more Carla no way

[00:50:47] I didn't even know where I got those to be honest I was like who knows and he would button because I think he would wear a button all the way up too and so then he would wear it all the way buttoned up and like oh wait did

[00:50:59] she tuck it in did she not so it's been a real journey I'm trying to making sure the whole button though I think that was a question that I had with the folks around me I was like button or no button and if I think

[00:51:13] they said no button but I was like I'm a button because there's just something about like you know if you have no button that doesn't mmm yeah it's not the style not the style and I had fun fact I had this necklace that says like Chingona

[00:51:29] like gold you know in like little cursive and it was gonna hide in the pattern but you have to get everything approved by the wardrobe they didn't let me bring it on and I was like why like it's people don't even know what it means like badass

[00:51:43] and they're like no that would have been badass to wear somebody was like googling that from wardrobe being like urban dictionary no sorry for real I feel like that's exactly what they did because they're like I have to go ask

[00:52:01] and I was like I know what they're doing they went to go google it alright nice meeting you okay well sorry to interrupt our survivors only talk with a fan but I suppose I give this one an exception nice meeting you my heart fashion get out of here

[00:52:25] meanwhile here I am in sweats so thank you so much for making time and space for my sweet husband oh Adrian right? Adrian Martinez oh are you my did you take the last name or no I know no I didn't

[00:52:43] not with my first husband or my second husband I've stayed we didn't take each other's last names either so but he's lovely and loved you as you can tell so well Carla there's a bajillion things I would love to go through with you

[00:52:59] and we might just have to do a different episode or make an entire series of us going through some of this stuff your wisdom around it and your ability to reflect is so amazing but alas we do have to get back to our worlds

[00:53:13] and I have 10 quick questions if you have time to go through them you can answer them with one word and then we'll expand as much as you want some of these rapid fire sections have been like 7 minutes and some of them has been 47 minutes

[00:53:27] so take it as you wish so we already know this one but how many times did you apply for a survivor? I applied once one time all the way through okay in your survivor bio you alluded earlier you chose ambitious gregarious and adaptable

[00:53:43] as the three words that describe you are these still three that you relate to want to make any changes, additions yes I still relate to them I think adaptable was more of a game word that I used but I think in I would change it to adventurous

[00:53:59] but overall yeah ambitious that's my life has always been my life will continue to be my life gregarious I love social socializing being around people being around company and then adventurous I'm very impulsive I wanted to use impulsive but my wife Lisa was like

[00:54:17] you are impulsive but I feel like it sometimes holds like a negative connotation but I'm very like if you tell me right now come to Chicago I will try to make it happen you know like I'm like alright let's go between September 2021 when you applied and today

[00:54:31] what was the best part of your survivor experience so far and what was the worst and hardest part of the survivor experience the best part of the experience honestly was being out on the islands and being removed from the real world

[00:54:55] there was a lot of surprisingly a lot of rest but a lot of I really challenged myself mentally to I mean there was a lot of reflection and I for those I joke because I'm like while I was out there all I kept

[00:55:11] thinking about was I need to be a better daughter a better sister a better wife a better friend because you're so removed from your family it was like I'm going to do everything different when I come back did I do anything? No I did not but

[00:55:27] at least I thought about it the thought that counts Carla come on at least I was able to think about it so just testing my body knowing that I could win challenges and knowing that that was just fun I was out on Fiji

[00:55:43] I saw so many shooting stars I got really really tan all of that was amazing I loved it I keep saying that if I could do survivor that experience without an airing I would find a way to do that for the rest of my life

[00:55:59] just because it's maybe not starved but like and also because you know it has a really bad impact on you whatever it's not great on the body it is not or the mind it's actually really torturing I say the exact same

[00:56:11] thing with people I would you ever do it again I would play survivor every summer for seven weeks I would go and do it yes every single time and if it's going to be on TV no I would never do it again

[00:56:23] well I can't say that I would never but the worst part though is the ego it's the battle of the ego if you can you know it was just me with myself just you know reminding what like do I post or not post should I

[00:56:39] respond do I not respond get off my phone Carla get off my phone all of that okay that's your answer yeah the self talk that the self arguments that come on are doozies yes if you could give your go back and give yourself one piece of

[00:56:53] advice on day one of the game what would it be I would have told myself to not play it so safe so early like just have a little bit more fun I was too in my head and I was a little bit more cautious

[00:57:09] which I think also threw people off I think people are like oh expecting me to just like go in which is why I'm like maybe but I think I would just say have a little more fun with it it's not don't have to be so calculated surprising amount

[00:57:25] of people like I don't know I'd have to go back and count the answers to this but a surprising amount of us say more fun which is crazy right because we all also say it's like the most fun that we've ever had in our lives

[00:57:39] in some ways like the most fun and then there's this piece of like could I have mentally had more fun with it at the time at least for me that's how I would differentiate it is like a little more mental freedom to have more fun yeah yeah yeah

[00:57:59] I could have I could just have more like but okay yeah right like more like I wish I would have played it more like I would have had a more like playing mafia in high school like playing you know I've been playing Blood on the clock

[00:58:15] tower with some people online where it's like these deception and lying games like I wish I would have had more fun in that sense of like who who's doing I mean I was tracking from an emotional standpoint who is working with who how

[00:58:29] what is going to happen I wasn't surprised by the votes but it was just I seem to in the relationship of it and did not stay enough in the play the game like as a fun game yeah gotcha I think I also forget that I was injured

[00:58:47] so if my fun was more like go out and swim you know like go out and fish a little bit more go out and like try to do you know have fun now remember I couldn't do those because the doctor was literally like

[00:58:59] if your finger gets infected you're going home and so it's like okay so I was just like not there yet other than survivor do you watch reality TV and what's your favorite reality TV show I was thinking about this question before and I

[00:59:13] surprisingly do not watch a lot of reality TV so I don't have any favorite I dabble with like Shark Tank Love Island UK version I dabble like I think between I think early last year 2023 Omar 42 recommended I watch Real Housewives so I kind of started the franchise but

[00:59:43] overall not a reality TV person okay cool Omar was a guest last season so Easter egg there where is one of your favorite places in the world that listeners could visit okay I'll give you two I'll give you one that's like super international or whatever I really love

[01:00:03] PP Island in Thailand that's one of my favorite if not like my top place I've visited in the world but if we're talking local US there is I used to live in the Bay Area I went to UC Berkeley and so

[01:00:21] I at least and I would have adventure Sundays where we would leave Berkeley and go across the bay into San Francisco and just learn about the city and there was there is it's called point point Bonita Lighthouse in Marin County in the Marin headlands

[01:00:37] and it has one of the really nicest views of like these cliffs that overlook the Pacific Ocean and then on the other side you could see the Golden Gate Bridge whenever friends would visit we take them there and there's like this

[01:00:51] box I don't know how to call it but there's like this place where you can just dangle your feet literally over the cliff it's all graffitied out but you just as a sun sets it is one of the most beautiful majestic views I've seen

[01:01:03] and you just go with your friends and chill and talk what is a book or article or poem that you've read that's changed your life okay one of my favorite books that has changed my life is Gloria Anzalduas Borderlands Gloria Anzalduas was a Chicana poet, activist, author

[01:01:23] queer Chicana and Borderlands really it's in her own writing it's about her experience of coming from like a border land of being Chicana of owning her own identity as a queer Chicana but what does it mean to kind of feel like you're in the middle of two cultures

[01:01:43] that being like American and Mexican and there's this she brings in a little history too of like the colonization of Mexico and she kind of uses that knowledge analogy in ways that she has also been colonized but not you know it's like metaphor and symbolic and there's this

[01:02:01] piece on they're talking about the history of when Mexico was colonized by the Spaniards of course it was all indigenous people of the eagle eating the serpent and the serpent represented everything that was like for indigenous communities everything maternal, spiritual and the eagle everything paternal patriarchal and

[01:02:23] they kind of like as you know the Conquest is essentially happening they saw that image and they're like we're going to create this into like that's going to be the flag and so in the Mexico flag you have there's like in the middle like the eagle

[01:02:35] is eating snake but it's also right like the patriarchy and my way of decolonizing from like my own culture of saying like well yes I am a Chicana I'm also queer but I'm also never going to be in a relationship or within you know my home

[01:02:51] won't ever have that patriarchal like no man is going to live with it whatever right so like I got this tattoo of it is essentially like the it's like an inverted so like the eagle is being eaten by the serpent and this is similar to what's on the

[01:03:07] Mexico flag and so it kind of changed my life so I put it yeah I made that that shift wow from that book that is amazing I cannot wait to read the book what a great description and the discussion around the I don't know that I've ever seen

[01:03:31] colonization flipping from patriarchy to matriarchy like obviously that rings so true and is so true but just like in that way presented and then that it is a representation within yourself as well and then your life and that's amazing what a beautiful story

[01:03:55] you just put out there for us to witness thank you and it's also reclaiming symbols I just got this tattoo of a serpent because also in certain cultures like the serpent and even like wasn't it Adam and Eve like I'm not religious whatsoever

[01:04:07] but like the serpent is representative of everything like evil and there's certain stories of folklore where like serpents are also very feminine surprise serpents are so feminine me and my acupuncturist slash witch friend we have been all in the serpent this is insane that

[01:04:25] it's coming up right now I literally had no understanding and other than I was raised in a Christian home so the serpent is bad and Eve fell for the serpent and the evilness of Eve talking Adam and eating the apple sort of thing but this historical

[01:04:47] imagery of the feminine in the serpent I noticed that on your like literally when you were talking earlier I noticed on your eyes like she has a freaking snake on her arm of course she does like what powerful woman I was already thinking all this

[01:04:59] but I have two snakes because it's like we have to also twist what you know like just reclaiming symbols that have been used to like I mean I could talk about this forever especially just like even like witch hunts I learned about this through like

[01:05:15] someone who's who studies history it I won't tell you we can talk about this offline but oh my god yeah the witch wound which wound his stuff like that you're being hunted down just because you are a woman who has power and how that has taken our power

[01:05:29] from us and the association with the snake and the feminine with danger and evil and all these things there any anyone listening right now who's interested go get the books go do the watch all the things read the articles because there's a lot of freedom to be

[01:05:45] found in reclaiming some of this stuff as women I'm going to have to talk about that later I've been looking for other witchy serpent women to talk with about this stuff I'm going to be messaging you okay what do you

[01:06:03] are you a podcast listener do you have a favorite podcast or an episode that just lives rent free yeah there's um I mean I'm so new to survivor to the survivor world to reality tv like I so one that I a podcast not

[01:06:19] reality to be connected but it's called what is dissect and it is a music podcast that breaks down or dissects albums and songs and really like investigates kind of like the symbolism the imagery even like the composition of the music made provides some historical context of like

[01:06:39] the artist and so I started off with Kendrick Lamar's damn album and then they also have like a season on Lauren Hills the Miss Education of Lauren Hill and whoa doesn't make you like really appreciate just kind of like the artistry and it's like

[01:06:55] sometimes line by line beat by beat of specific songs so that is I would start with Kendrick Lamar's damn album if you're because I think it won it did win the Pulitzer I think that's the one that or I forget what ward it won but yeah

[01:07:09] are you a music music person what song do you listen to on repeat right now you've got a favorite on repeat right now I am listening to okay I'm this lately not like us Kendrick Lamar looking at my iTunes right now something that's very summery and like feels

[01:07:29] good to my love the tiny remix by Bomba Stedio I think that's like a nice summer song that's on repeat aside from Lady Gaga's Chromatic Album that will always be which will always be so do you have anything that you'd like to talk about that's going

[01:07:47] on your life where your current handles anything you want to plug yeah I mean let me just do quick quick social media plugs yeah it's so weird to plug my social media because I will just randomly okay side sidebar I was reading of course

[01:08:05] I browsed read it sometimes when I'm like really bored and someone was like Carla with it what did they say they're like it seems like Carla didn't have enjoy her time on Survivor because she doesn't really her Instagram isn't about Survivor she doesn't really post

[01:08:19] about it much and I'm like because my life has to be beyond more than Survivor right and I thought just thought it was so interesting I'm like what you expect me to hang on to this for two years and every post just be about the same thing anyway

[01:08:33] yeah I think they do I think they do expect that which is so weird yes my libya my life my Instagram is yes queer which is actually from I wanted it to be yes queen while I was watching broad city but yes queen was taken so

[01:08:49] I was like yes queer and then Instagram Twitter is I think it's X Carla Cruz Godoy I'm also on LinkedIn so let's make some professional connection yeah yeah and I think that's it I'm not really I don't post on tiktok though I want to

[01:09:09] I don't do YouTube I oh and I stream sometimes fortnight so if you want to watch some of my streams they're really dumb but it's fortnight survivor Carla is my username for that or handle for that listen we are so part of my job

[01:09:25] event plan but I also do a lot of conference planning so right now we have our organization is having our annual conference it is the end of July July 22nd to the 25th in Memphis Tennessee I am like the main stage coordinator manager so I am really

[01:09:43] busy trying to get people in and confirm their time you know what to run a show and stuff like that so we have that conference if you're interested to learn more about big picture learning and or any of the services or fellowships that we offer

[01:09:55] can go to bigpicture.org if you are in education if you are you know want to learn more about equity and leadership and leadership development we also have really cool initiatives and some apps and things like that that you might want to look into and personally

[01:10:11] I haven't had a vacation in since December I'm going to say a long time but I'm getting ready to so I'm going to- yeah girl it's June that's half the year we're gonna get that PTO in I know right with work

[01:10:23] I'm going to Kenya in about three weeks which is crazy but then after that I'm taking like two weeks off and going to Barcelona and Portugal and like finally unwinding because I've been on the go for so many months and that is- that's a lot to look

[01:10:37] forward to it's amazing and if anyone would like to donate so you can go to bigpicturelearning.org if you've enjoyed listening to the podcast consider throwing five bucks ten bucks that way to help Carla and her work I actually want to shout out Planned Parenthood

[01:10:53] I think everyone should have access to reproductive healthcare healthcare in general absolutely do you know that people get vasectomies at Planned Parenthood do you know that people get cancer screenings at Planned Parenthood do you know that you can get all sorts of healthcare at

[01:11:11] Planned Parenthood anyway there are all sorts of ways that Planned Parenthood helps people receive affordable accessible healthcare which is so important folks it's so important so thank you for bringing that up yes thank you I appreciate that Carla thank you so much for spending time with me

[01:11:31] today I feel like there are a thousand I think I went through three of my 15 questions I had and learned so much and just really appreciate your time and your energy and your willingness to be here just a few years out from

[01:11:47] your experience I appreciate it so much thank you thank you for having me um I really enjoyed this you know this we've been on for about 90 minutes it I wow it's always a lot of really cool memories um didn't think I was going to get emotional

[01:12:03] I got a little emotional but I think that's I mean we're all human but also there is not I mean there's just so much beauty to this experience and I'm glad to be a part of it yeah and I hope that we can continue

[01:12:15] to do some good in the community within the survivor community um not just with the fans but also within alums um and I hope they know that I hope all the survivor alums if any we're watching we we're here for you I'm here for you like

[01:12:31] if you're going to think you don't have to do this alone yeah you don't have to do it alone I know that's so true okay we'll be in touch thank you take care you too awesome I'd like to thank Rob Cestronino

[01:12:49] and the entire RHAP team for their support in making this podcast Jessica Sterling is the editor to all of my fellow survivors thank you for showing up for free to give me and all the listeners a look into your lives that we wouldn't otherwise get to see

[01:13:05] I'm much gratitude to all of you listening if you'd like to connect and only if you're kind you can find me on social media at the Kellen B or at kellenbeckerdoll.com where I as a holistic career coach tried to give away as many free resources

[01:13:21] as I can to help people find more ideas and success in their career journeys may each of your realities lead down a road of peace, joy, and a whole lot of adventure and now here's Jacob Derwin with Mira from Manhattan I know she's turning on the night

[01:14:08] she takes a pen to her new novel and the airplane takes flight I never knew I never knew I never knew I never knew you we're flying out to Dublin just to stop along the trail Mira hops from there to Paris I ride to Belfast on the rail

[01:15:20] now she's cheering in the winery I'm staring at the sea her name is Mira from Manhattan it doesn't matter much to me mmm I never knew mmm I never knew mmm I never knew I never knew you you