Road to Reality | There’s No Going Back with Victoria Baamonde

[00:00:10] Welcome back to Road to Reality Season 2 Episode 2. Today we are headed back to The Edge of Extinction which aired all the way back in 2019. This is a really fun different way that I came to interviewing this contestant because in

[00:00:30] their original CBS application she said, I applied because it changes everyone's life. And then in the follow up article that Dalton Ross did with some survivors like catching up on what's going on in their lives, she wrote, it

[00:00:45] didn't change my life at all. And this dichotomy was so interesting to me. This podcast is literally created to talk with people through all of the changes that we go through because of being on Survivor. And I found it so refreshing

[00:00:59] and inspiring to hear, to read in that article, Victoria say, you know what, I know who I am. I knew who I was. Yes, that was a big experience and I have remained the same. And yet over the next hour, Victoria does talk about remaining

[00:01:17] true to herself throughout the experience and all of the changes that have come along in her life since we first met her in 2019 on Survivor. She gets into perfectionism, being portrayed as a villain, living with anxiety, playing with returnees. What affected the post-show experience given the fact that

[00:01:41] there was an edge of extinction, which I hadn't even thought about? It's really fascinating. There's a lot to chew through here and I had a great time with Victoria. So please enjoy the ambitious, witty and self-confident Victoria

[00:01:58] I applied when I was 22 or 21. I honestly don't remember the exact age, somewhere of those, either like late 21 or young 22. And then I heard back a year and a half later. And then by the time filming started, I was 23. So I was young,

[00:02:16] my early 20s for sure. I would say I'm a very different person now than I was at that age in a lot of ways. But like, in the ways where it matters for Survivor, I would say I'm not super different. Like I've always been very like,

[00:02:31] strategic, very focused, very able to like compartmentalize and I've always been pretty self aware. And in so many ways now I'm self aware in a healthier way. But I always still knew how I have I presented socially. And so I was I was

[00:02:47] confident definitely at 23 that I would do well in the game. And I mean, not to toot my own horn. I did do well. I did do that as well as I expected. So like, I

[00:03:02] just think that the big journey that people always talk about that they go on on Survivor isn't so much the adventure itself. But like once I've played and once I've met people, it's like the personal transformation they go through

[00:03:16] afterwards, but like the self reflection, like being deprived of like, you know, your everyday resources. And sure, I've never been in a situation where I've been not deprived before. But having that amount of time to reflect wasn't

[00:03:28] anything new to me. I've always been a very reflective person. And that's why I think I didn't go through this major like metamorphosis that other people have gone through. Like, like the first time I ever talked to themselves and that to me

[00:03:41] was just baffling. I'll say you guys never like sat down with yourself and like had a heart to heart with yourself. You had to be on an island to do that and like that. I'm glad you got the chance, but you probably should have done that before.

[00:03:52] Yeah, yeah, it's such a it's so true. One of the things you said, I think it was in your Ponderosa video that you were like, well, I asked for a survivor buff when I was eight. So Survivor has been a part of your life, but for a very

[00:04:05] long time, what was that like having your like inner child survivor dreams come true? Or was this something that you just knew when you were eight, like you knew how you do socially you knew would go well? Did you always know you'd

[00:04:16] actually get on the show and it was destiny? Or what was that like? No, I'm, I would call myself a realist more than anything. I've been working towards being more like optimistic. But more than anything, I would call myself

[00:04:31] a realist. And especially when I applied for show totally realist would never say I was an optimist. And so when I was a kid, I don't, I don't know that I ever

[00:04:37] thought like, yes, I will be on that show. But I did know that I wanted to be on it. So I've definitely been watching it since I was a kid. And like the first

[00:04:44] season that really sticks out to me is Pearl Island. And so I was about seven or so when that aired and that that is the one where I said like, I asked Santa

[00:04:52] Claus for a buff and I did I got it. I still have it. I have a Pearl Island spot. And that was the first season that I really remember. And like, I've watched every season of never missed an episode. But I also have a terrible memory like

[00:05:05] for Survivor and literally everything. So the fact that I even like remember a lot of that season means a lot to me. And I just remember it being just like, that one really truly felt like such an adventure. And like before we even knew

[00:05:18] like how those characters were going to carry in Survivor history, just like watching it for the first time, like you had like Fair Play and Sandra and Rupert, like all those big names now like we know now they're big names. And

[00:05:30] back then I was there for a season, but they were just so prominent. And I just the Rupert stealing the shoes. Like obviously everyone talks about Fair Play's dead grandma. I just remember watching that season and being like, I

[00:05:43] need to be on there. And it was really the aspect like the piratey aspect of that season. And like, I remember the buried the buried treasure reward, even though like all the food is rotten. Like that was the season where I was like, I

[00:05:56] don't know, just like pirates and buried treasure and being on an island and like stealing and lying. And like, this is the adventure I want to go on. And so when I was that age, I didn't have like, you know, the wherewithal to be like, Oh,

[00:06:09] yeah, like the best social experiment on television. It was just a fun adventure. I love that artistic part of it of bringing up the imagery and that fun of Yeah, I feel like I've even forgotten like you're bringing that part back to

[00:06:21] me as well with Survivor China and all of the different far away. I mean, for me, I've grown up at a chicken farm in Indiana, like all of the faraway lands in which they were going to these new places. And of course, as a kid, the

[00:06:35] pirates, the that theme and so the location and the travel and the adventure of it. Also, I relate to that fed into my desire when I was younger to play, which I feel like as an adult, when I went out there, especially I think

[00:06:51] because it was Ghost Island, but I did get to like, really play into and experience that like, Oh my gosh, I'm in the Disney world of Survivor. And this is my dreams come into life. Were you having that moment when you got to set

[00:07:06] and all that stuff or a set, you know, the island? Or were you had you grown out of that childhood magic? No, I definitely don't think I grew out of it. I think there's a lot of it that

[00:07:18] you don't realize is going to happen. And like, I mean, some of what like takes the magic, I guess away, but like, you know, I didn't know pregame was gonna happen. I didn't know we were gonna be there for like, I don't know, it was

[00:07:30] like five days a week before like, you actually started filming. But as soon as like, you know, the pirate ship, like first day sequence ended and like I was approaching the beach at my camp. Like, yeah, it did hit me like a ton of bricks.

[00:07:43] Like, Oh my gosh, totally forgot about the pirate ship thing. Yeah, duh. We have some pirates. Yeah. It's it and I was like, you know, I, it was a lot of nerves to me like I do have like very bad anxiety. I've had it since I was like

[00:08:00] 15. So a lot of it honestly, the first day is like almost a little bit blacked out. Like especially the opening sequence. I have like great memories of it. I mean, I don't know how much is a memory and how much is it me watching

[00:08:10] back to season but like walking onto the beach is when I like remember feeling like oh my god, like, I am here I am doing this. This is starting like I'm ready to rumble. I don't know that I would say it's magic. Once you're there,

[00:08:24] I would say it's like it's life and you are I was just ready to go. For sure. I wasn't I wasn't ready to cry. I was ready to go. I wish I thought I was ready to go but I did cry the entire time. I just I got

[00:08:37] lucky with my edit. I did see your I hope it's with your permission that somehow your audition tape ended up on YouTube. Yeah. Okay, cool. Like if not, that sucks. But I saw it. I have to tell you it is the first audition video that I've seen

[00:08:55] that reminded me so much of mine. Like the this idea that you whether this is true or not, but this is how it came across that you sat down, press record said this is who I am. Like, talked a little shit. Like said just like to the

[00:09:19] point blank said this is who I am. This is why I'm going to win survivor and like yours. This is what I'm meant to do. First of all, did you just sit down and press record? Or is that how it came across?

[00:09:32] No, that is what happened. I want to say I was 21. So I've been thinking about it for years because like, you know, you could be 18 and film it. And I remember it opened the application a ton of times. And I always stopped when I got to the

[00:09:46] video portion because I was like, What the hell am I gonna say that is going to make me stand out and I never had the confidence to submit something and I was in a relationship and we were living together and it wasn't going well. And I

[00:09:59] remember I remember the thought process that made me do this. I was like, I just wanted to shake things up in my life. I was like, fuck it. I'm gonna I'm gonna do

[00:10:07] I don't care. Even if I don't know what to say, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna hit record. I'm just gonna submit it. Fuck it. So I sat down on my couch in my studio

[00:10:15] apartment in Woodside. I hit record on my laptop. And I just went for it. I'll never forget that I said Richard Batch instead of Richard Hatch. Like I know it's Richard Hatch. I don't know what the fuck happened to my brain. But I

[00:10:28] filmed like a video that was around a minute and a half. I can't remember which version made it online. I know I sure it's short. Yeah, like a minute. Yeah. So the video that actually got

[00:10:39] uploaded was 37 seconds long. Okay, so I couldn't find the one I'd crop down or maybe it doesn't even exist anymore. So I remember I tried to hit upload on my video that was like two minutes, maybe a minute and a half. Yeah, I kept saying

[00:10:53] file file too large. Yep. I am not technically savvy still not. And so I just kept cropping the video until let me upload it. I uploaded a 37 second long video. I was like, fuck it, I'm going for it. And I uploaded 37 seconds. And I was

[00:11:09] just me sitting on my couch being like, you need me on this show. I'm gonna win. And what's up? What's up? Hey, what's up? That same energy of like, first of all, I was also in a terrible marriage. My relationship wasn't going on. So the moral of this

[00:11:22] story, everyone is just get a really bad boyfriend and then you'll change your life. Just kidding. Don't do that. So like when people ask me, I'm sure just as much as they ask you like, you know, for advice or what would you do for a casting video?

[00:11:36] And like, looking back at this one, and I've also applied to several other shows at this point, just all different challenge type shows. And I've been in a bunch of casting processes. So I feel like I do have the idea of what gets you

[00:11:49] through the door at this point. And it's, it is completely like I hate it when people said this to me, but it is completely to beat yourself. That is the number one. But it is to be an exaggerated version of yourself. Like,

[00:12:02] it's just like, you know, you have to have the type of personality honestly, that when the cameras turn on, so do you? Like and if you don't have that type of personality, honestly, reality TV is probably not going to be for you. It

[00:12:13] just is what it is. And it's like, what I like to say to people is if you're not if you're watching back your audition video, and you don't hate yourself at least a little bit, probably didn't do it. As you will. It might be different

[00:12:30] now because there is different casting people now but for me, it was just like be yourself. Be too much of yourself. Yeah. And just like, you know, this is that how I act with my best friends? No, probably not. But is it how I'm gonna

[00:12:42] like, present when there's somebody new in front of me that I want to impress? Yeah. So you go from being a fan seeing remembering these pirate moments, and then you get out there and here's this continued pirate theme. What? What? And

[00:13:04] then you said some of the magic goes away in the moment, and then you're ready. What part of the magic are you talking about? I'm trying to really remember how I felt when I was there because it's clouded a

[00:13:18] lot by how I felt watching it back. Mm hmm. Because like, you learn so much of the behind the scenes stuff when you're there, right? Like, the confessionals, like you're going for a walk, like, you know, when when you're watching on TV,

[00:13:33] people are looking for idols, and they're like, Oh, the island's huge, they pan out to the whole island. But now you're there. And you realize there's only certain paths you can go on. That's big. Like, I just think that, like,

[00:13:44] obviously, there is a production aspect. And like, we know that watching it as a show. But when you're there, the production aspect is so in your face that like, that aspect of the magic, like has to be gone. Do you feel like that helped you stay in strategy?

[00:14:00] No, I don't know. I'm really trying to like, it's so hard for me to put myself back in my shoes. When I was there in terms of like, I wasn't really thinking about, like how I felt in the moment compared to how I thought I would feel

[00:14:16] like I was so very focused on the moment. I wanted to honestly, like I probably the most honest response I could have is I probably like dissociated for like 36 days. Yeah, like, like, it was not my real life. It was

[00:14:30] the show. I was on the show. I was doing the show thing. And like, this is the show when he expected I didn't really have expectations is the thing. Yeah, that is maybe why I'm having a hard time answering this.

[00:14:42] No, I think well, first of all, I love the language and it's interesting to me curious about that you're saying I was on the show. I was doing the show. Yeah. And your ability to stay in that mindset. First of all, you did well, because you

[00:14:58] continued to be in the game. And you knew you were in the game. So that's something that me included a lot of us can't do. And then I wonder if this also plays into this whole idea of where other people go out and lose their mind

[00:15:12] and find a new version of themselves and all this stuff because they get tugged down the journey of being in their survivor journey, quote unquote, their personal survivor journey, and your ability to stay in the game. I'm

[00:15:28] Victoria, I'm on the show. I wonder if that helped you stay more in yourself at the time and then didn't make the roller coaster ride afterwards as bumpy. Tell me where I miss no, I think you're right. Because I one thing I do remember when being out there

[00:15:48] is being extremely confused seeing almost everyone cry every day. And that is something that I feel like the audience doesn't see. I mean, maybe more so in the more recent seasons, we show a lot more emotion in the edits. But almost everyone

[00:16:02] on my season would cry at some point every day about you know, whether whatever it was missing their family missing their kids just being hungry, being tired, being losing mentally drained. And I just remember watching and being like, I don't

[00:16:15] get it. I didn't get it. And I understand that I cannot relate to what it's like to having small children at home. So I can imagine like if you have a literal infinite home and you know, you're missing milestones being away for a month

[00:16:27] and a half. Like, I can understand why that would be extremely like upsetting. But otherwise, I don't emotionally get it. And I don't logically get it. Because for me, it was so very much like, guys know we're going home, right? Like this

[00:16:40] isn't like our real lives. Like it's, it's hard. It's really fucking hard when you're there. I don't want to undersell that like, it is extremely difficult to be there. But I just think I was so aware that it had an end date. And I was

[00:16:54] so aware that there was a reason I was here, that like, I really didn't get emotional at all until like family visit, you know? So I just, yeah, I think the ability to stay in the game was definitely a help for me because a lot

[00:17:12] of people we see play very emotional games, and it mostly does not serve them. So to be able to be like a robot in a lot of ways, but a robot that presents emotion. Social robot. Social robot, ideal hidden place survivor.

[00:17:28] One of the things you talked about your edit is that you're like, why didn't they show me shit talking people? Why didn't they show me cursing? Like, do you feel like you got kind of good girl? Good girls in a way? Or what are your feelings around that?

[00:17:43] I mean, it's again, it's so hard for me to have like, an objective opinion of my own edit, because I lived the experience. So I know how much was not shown. But based on like audience reaction and feedback, I don't think I came across as

[00:17:59] a good girl. Like I know a lot of people call me a villain, which I'm completely fine with. But I could have been shown in a much worse light. I mean, I'm not

[00:18:09] upset about the only part of my edit, I would say I'm at all upset with is just the lack of showing me. Yeah, but what they did show I'm completely fine with, but they could have made me look worse than they did. So I'm grateful that they

[00:18:26] didn't. They showed me as a villain in a very strategic way, which I'm grateful for. And it is something I did, but they cut out all the parts were just objectively mean. Probably a good thing. I was a little surprised because like,

[00:18:40] you would think that would be good TV and I wasn't doing it for TV. There were just people out there that I straight up driving you crazy. Yeah, yeah. And I wasn't like shy about that. I hated them in my confessionals. But yeah, they cut

[00:18:53] out a bunch of those rivalries, I guess, because they didn't add to the plot, right? Like, neither of us were in the finale. So who cares? So yeah, it was a little it's really hard, I think, to come to terms with your edit. And you could I

[00:19:03] don't know how you feel about yours. But I know like when I was watching it back, and I mean, I'm sure everyone feels this way. I'm out there for 36 days. It's over a month of my life. And to get like, like what 14 minutes like my highlight

[00:19:17] reels like what 14 minutes long, like, over all of these days, it just sucks. Obviously, you know, the whole show is not going to be about you. You know that. But you think maybe a little bit more might be. So it just, it's really hard to

[00:19:34] come to terms with that. I think. Overall, I'm happy with my edit. I got a very good audience reaction, I think is probably what I'm happiest with. But I can't imagine what's that? What's that like?

[00:19:48] I just I just wish it was more and I think it was. I think it was my season as a whole. That was the problem, like, because we had, you know, the three tribes, which was typical at that point. And then we also had edge of extinction.

[00:20:01] So people who were voted out are getting airtime. Now there's a fourth tribe of people getting airtime. And there's never really four tribes competing for airtime. And that's super frustrating to see, like, all the sequences of people

[00:20:17] who have been voted out of the game who I know don't come back. Like, so I know it's not contributing to any storyline to watch them get airtime when I am in the game, I'm doing things like plans are happening. You're not seeing any of

[00:20:30] it. That was probably the most frustrating part. And probably because the winner came back from there than they even had had to, like, give more time there and all that. So yeah, it's just a it's just a process of shared time, which would be ridiculous.

[00:20:48] Yeah, unfortunate. I mean, I'm not quite about like, I think you we feel the same way about over, over idling, over advantaging, over gimmicking. Like, I don't think we have much to talk about. That would be great debate because I

[00:21:03] think we're both like pretty survivor purists in that sense from what I've seen from what you put out in the world. In your Ponderosa video, David said, which leads me to a few questions, but David said that you went out and played

[00:21:22] like it was your third or fourth time. One of which a comment which I would agree from looking back. So what in the heck did you do to get to the point of

[00:21:32] being able to go out there? Keep your head on your shoulders? Is it is it who you are? Or is it how you prepared a mix of both? I really just think it's who I am because I didn't prepare very much. Like

[00:21:46] by the time I got cast and by the time filming started, can't remember exactly but it was something like six weeks. It wasn't a lot of time. Wow. From the time you got to Caldwell when you left was six weeks, something like six

[00:21:58] weeks. It wasn't much longer than that. Maybe two months. But not definitely not longer than that. I honestly did not prepare a ton. Like I read a little bit of like how to win friends and influence people but I did not read the

[00:22:10] whole book. I did like some like balancing and like throwing exercises just to like put myself in that mindset. The practice making fire. That's, that's really it. I didn't work out. Yeah, I rewatched a couple

[00:22:23] seasons. And I rewatched the first like two episodes of a lot of seasons because I wanted to like really drive home to myself what it was that made the first person be voted out. Because more than anything, I just did not want

[00:22:35] to be the first person voted out. And like really what I learned was it's just you can't be super annoying. They're really just the most annoying person. But yeah, I really just think it's who I am as a person. Like I

[00:22:47] just, I don't know how to I don't know. Yeah, you do not have to struggle with this. It's amazing to say, especially as a woman, I think it is amazing to hear a woman say, Look, I was built for

[00:23:01] this game. I went out. Yes, that is a that is a great answer. That is a that is. That is enough there. There's nothing else that needs to be said. Look, either you have it or you don't. So I mean, sort of who you are.

[00:23:20] In my personal life, I do like I feel like I'm always playing that game, right? Like, I feel like I adjust slightly, at least to any social setting. And I am slightly different at work than I am with my best friend

[00:23:34] that I am with like my partner than I am with my family. Like, I think I'm very good at reading a room. I think I'm very good at fitting in to a group without really changing the core of who I am, but really seeing what the

[00:23:47] group wants and conforming to that in a bit. I have very strong values and morals. But if it's not a situation where expressing my opinion is going to change much, I can, I can listen to somebody talk about something I

[00:24:01] disagree with all day long and be like, yeah, like, and just like, be out like, not really be on their side, but also not disagree with them. And we leave that conversation, they think I'm their friend. I think that is something I've

[00:24:12] been in tune with a lot of my life because growing up, I was extremely bullied. So I learned pretty young how to slightly adjust to just no longer be the odd man out. So I think that's really what prepared me more than

[00:24:27] anything to like be on the show. To create this sense of safety for yourself by chameleoning. Yeah, chameleon. Yeah, I think that's Yeah, I think it's a skill that's important in life in general. I don't think anyone should change the core of

[00:24:43] who they are, like ever, no matter who you're with. But I think there's also something to be said about adjusting very slightly to, like if you want to keep up relationships with certain people, like to make them feel

[00:24:56] comfortable in a way that you also feel comfortable as long as you're not compromising who you are. And that's something that I feel like I've learned how to do. Yeah. And how when you say stay true to who you are, these are my strong

[00:25:12] values. This is who I am. I guess it's because of the work I do as a coach, which is often helping people say, I don't know what matters to me. I don't know what fills me up. I don't know what exactly brings me the most joy. Is

[00:25:25] this something that you were you've been born with? Is this work you've done self reflection? Like, do you have early memories of like, these are my core values? And this is who I am? No, I mean, that's also a good question. No, I, I've always been opinionated,

[00:25:41] I'd say I don't think I've ever been shy to like, speak my truth, not necessarily because I wanted to represent something but more. I think I've had this, again, I like a lot of my personality comes from bad anxiety.

[00:25:56] I've always needed to take control of situations, make sure they go my way. And that is definitely a trait of having bad anxiety. So I would say that I've always been in control of a lot of situations, which makes me assert

[00:26:09] how I feel on top of other people. But in more recent years, yeah, I've definitely put a lot of work into myself. I've been to a lot of therapy, a lot of self reflection, just spending that time healing myself and and

[00:26:20] learning what it is that's important to me when I am alone, which is I think the most important thing you can do is like, when you are alone by yourself, and you're not performing for anyone, what is it that brings you joy and like

[00:26:32] truly understanding that? And what is it that like, you believe in and what are things that you can compromise on? And what are things that you can't? That is something I've put a lot of active thought into recently. Did I put

[00:26:44] a lot of active thought into that before Survivor? Not necessarily. I think it was just more like, like, chameleon aspect of me for Survivor. But yeah, I think that it's a mix of being born with somewhat of an aggressive

[00:26:58] personality, having a lot of fucking anxiety and then growing up to like really want to heal myself a little bit. Yeah, I one thing that stuck out, which I wish I could be more I'm working on

[00:27:12] being more in my villain era, which is, I've got a lot of work to do. I think I just posted on my Instagram the other day, I'm in my villain area. It's just me trying out the word no.

[00:27:24] That's where you start. Yeah, that's where you start. What what is that? Like to own the the villain idea? Does it play into gender for you at all? Being able to be a woman who was on Survivor who was a villain and then had from

[00:27:44] your perspective, I think everyone's perspective, a really good response from the audience, the idea of like being a woman who's a villain on TV. And owning that what is that? Like when I went on the show, I didn't think I was gonna go on. I didn't have

[00:27:59] an idea of like, I'm gonna be a villain. I think that is just my personality, I guess. And just like a quick side note, like an interesting thing about me, I would say is that like, I have always, always, always

[00:28:12] struggled with I have no idea how people perceive me. And I felt that way on the show to something I've talked about in therapy a lot. Like, I have a sense of who I think I am. And I have genuinely not a single clue how other

[00:28:23] people feel. I don't think how I feel about me translates to anyone else. Still to this day, don't know if it's true or not. So coming across as a villain was an accident. I would say I was just being like true to who I am. Like, I

[00:28:37] think I'm sure as you can attest to like being on the show. At least I felt like I was not on it. Like I knew I was playing Survivor. I knew the prize of a

[00:28:46] million dollars was there. But I was not playing to the cameras. I don't know if you feel that way. Also, I'm sure some people I mean, I was too much caught up in it. I know. Yeah, it was just my life. Yeah,

[00:28:58] it was just my life at that point. So I was like, I wasn't putting anything on it was just who I was in those days. Like, so if I was mad, it was gonna come

[00:29:06] across as mad. And am I often mad? Yes. I think that's just what happened. When I got a very positive audience response. I was so grateful, because I didn't have to deal with like all the hate that people so often talk about. You know,

[00:29:28] there's always some comments of like, she didn't do shit or like she's over hyped and like, sure, whatever. Okay. I was extremely grateful to have been perceived that way. But I genuinely was confused by it. Because watching it

[00:29:43] back, knowing what I did and knowing what was shown, I didn't think they showed that much for me to have gotten such a good response. So like, I would love to say that, like, yeah, I went out there to be a confident badass woman.

[00:29:59] But I didn't. I just went out there. I didn't think I could win. I didn't. It was never really on my radar that I didn't win. I would have loved to but I have a really hard time like picturing a good outcome because I don't want to

[00:30:13] hope for something that's not going to happen. Um, I just went out there to try and I tried and I was me. And I'm so grateful that it went well. Yeah, I don't really have like, the how it happened. Yeah, look, you don't have to

[00:30:34] I do have one theory about that. Tying back to where you had said I didn't really change me. I picked up in your Ponderosa video that you were talking about measuring yourself with tests and that you had been tied in with like

[00:30:49] being the valedictorian of your college and I assume a bit of like a type A perfectionist at least unless Yes, yes, she's nodding. And, and you talked about in Ponderosa video about how it was a different kind of measurement to

[00:31:05] look at this experience. Can you tell me more about that? Yeah, so that's definitely one thing I can speak to. So at that point in my life, like I was pretty quick, like pretty fresh out of college. And I

[00:31:16] definitely at that point would describe myself as a perfectionist, which is something I have moved away from with a lot of work. But I always had measured my self worth and my success in like very strict measurements. And like the

[00:31:32] best way to measure that, especially that age is through tests because there's numbers like zero to 100. It's either you're 100 or you're not. And so in college, like my freshman year, I ended up with a 4.0. And that was not

[00:31:48] something I'd done on purpose. I wasn't thinking about then. And once I got it, I was like, Oh my god, I now need to maintain this. Then every year in college, every year, we got more and more stressful. So by the time I was a

[00:32:01] senior, everything felt like life or death because I got anything less than an A in any class at any point, it would ruin the entire four years because an A minus would ruin the 4.0 and there it goes. So the pressure I put on myself

[00:32:17] was incredible. And so I to this day, you know, I'm almost 30 years old, I still have stress dreams about going to school and having a test that I didn't study for and freaking out because I'm not gonna, I'm gonna ruin my GPA. And so

[00:32:32] that's still something that definitely lives within me. And so I felt that that version of success would definitely translate onto survivor I was worried, because you always hear those stories of people who like, they lose sleep at

[00:32:46] night, they played on the show, and they have regrets of like how they did and like they, they kick themselves every day for years like that they fucked up. And so I was very worried that would be me like if I didn't win, how would I feel?

[00:33:00] And I didn't win, obviously. And you might think that like being that close also to winning would be even harder. But like I, I would be honest, like if I felt regret, like, but I genuinely didn't. And that's what's crazy to me is

[00:33:16] that was that was probably the one part of survivor that I would say like, I felt like some form of like change in me. I don't even know if it was like a change per se, but just like something I didn't expect.

[00:33:29] Yeah, looking at your experience, because yeah, we were about it because you felt accomplished because you felt like you had given it your all. I don't know if accomplish is the right word.

[00:33:41] No, it is. It is the right word. I did feel accomplished. I felt like I did everything I could. I've felt like this before in other settings. Like I also played softball for a lot of years growing up. There were definitely times

[00:33:53] when I'm played, like the team would lose. But I had a great game. And I would walk away from the game feeling good because I did so good. And I was proud of myself. And even though we lost, I knew I did everything I could. I

[00:34:08] think this is the same feeling. Whereas like I did everything I could. There's nothing that I really regret. And you know, the outcome was the outcome. Not necessarily like there was not much else I could do. And so I'm okay with

[00:34:23] that. But I learned that it's not so much like winning is the goal, but just trying my best. And knowing that trying my best isn't always what might be like 100 or the perfect score or winning. Yeah, believing that I did everything I could is enough.

[00:34:44] Yeah. Are there other other things in your life with your career with relationships or whatever where this I didn't give 100 because I chose to give 75 and that was right or I lived the experience out to my best and that is

[00:35:00] enough where this theme has repeated at all or not so much. I'm stretching. No, you're not stretching. I'm trying to think I feel like at work. I do always do what I need to do. I'm not gonna say 100 I think I've learned what is

[00:35:21] enough for me. I've got another thing I've really worked on with myself is learning what's enough and defining enough. And that can be different in different scenarios. And I think it definitely translates to relationships, right? Because I guess the success of a relationship would be like, being

[00:35:38] married, I guess would be the ultimate goal of relationships. Yeah, if I had to define success of a relationship, like would probably be being married to them. And so I'm clearly single. Yeah, I think it's definitely translated to that. And that's definitely also in the last

[00:35:53] couple of years where I've like, I used to when I was younger, stick with things too long. Because I was like, Oh, I have to, I have to fix it. I have to make sure everything's okay. And that was that perfectionist tendency and like, time

[00:36:07] sounds good, like, got to make it right. Whereas like more recently, I've learned to like stick up for myself and realize what's good for me. And like, maybe I did everything I could. Or maybe I tried my best and maybe this person just isn't for

[00:36:21] me. And that's not my fault. Like, maybe I lost survivor and that's not my fault. Like, you know, just like learning that sometimes what you do can't change what somebody else is going to do. I definitely think that that has

[00:36:34] translated to an extent in a job like there's always times at work where I've been like, Oh my god, like, am I gonna get fired? Like, I have no idea. But it's like, no, I mean, I'm doing above and beyond my job description. And so if I

[00:36:47] were to be let go at any point, that is not my fault. Yeah, yeah. And you play into like the the high anxiety piece as well. But this idea of how you've been talking about your high anxiety around keeping that a

[00:37:04] perfect valid, valedictorian thing, which is amazing. And then realizing you can give what you choose to give and still get the most out of an experience without just reaching for what society or what your even previous self would have

[00:37:22] thought as perfection. And I'm wondering how that plays into your anxiety levels. It's something I definitely had to work on a lot is letting go of the idea of perfection. Because my anxiety was definitely triggered when I felt like I

[00:37:38] wasn't doing whatever enough was to be perfect or successful or however I was defining that in the moment. And I'll be honest, it was never like a battle that I won on my own. I'm just gonna like throw this out there because I am such a huge

[00:37:51] advocate for it now. Like I've fought this for years. But I started anti anxieties about a year ago. And this has been quite literally the best year of my life. And so there's there's only so much work I think, I think you can do on

[00:38:08] yourself and like therapy and self reflection. And like, you know, I think I put in all of that time and all that work I was working on myself, you know, whatever, however, that means to you for about two years, and like, I'd really come

[00:38:22] to like a point, logically in my brain that like, do not need to be perfect. That is an unreasonable expectation. And what helped me was like, knowing that I didn't require that of other people, like, really always tried to frame how I was in

[00:38:38] terms of like, my friends was like, I'd be angry at my best friend if she wasn't perfect. And I'm like, of course not. I would give her so much grace, and I would

[00:38:46] love her no matter what. So I always tried to like think of myself in that way. And logically, it always made sense. And emotionally and like with my anxiety levels never translated. So I just nervous system was still waiting for that test to miss. Yeah,

[00:39:01] fighting me. Yeah, it was my brain and like my body were constantly at war. I just want to throw it out there as my little PSA if you feel like that, if you

[00:39:09] are doing this work, and you feel like your brain and your body are still at war and start medication. I was so worried for so long, I would lose myself, but the best version of myself that I've ever been. So it's kind of hard to answer that

[00:39:22] question now because so much of that anxiety that I had has melted away. In the best way possible. Yeah, with Yes, I'm so thankful. Thank you for sharing that we don't have to like fight up all of these battles on our own. And whether

[00:39:42] it's survivor or a job or school or whatever, whoever's listening, like we can get help and we can we can do work on our own. And we need help, whether it's a professional therapy, medication, whatever it is. And so walking towards

[00:39:56] that freedom. And yeah, like exuding that for people and sharing that here is super powerful. Coming from a true perfectionist for so many years, asking her for help is so not easy. And then when you finally let yourself do you're like, God damn it.

[00:40:12] Why didn't I do that 10 years ago? Well, here you are now and thriving, which is incredible. I'm so happy for you. What was it like to have the returnees? You're getting ready for survivor, you're going you're out on the beach. I assume you're finding figuring

[00:40:35] it out at Ponderosa that there aren't enough of you. A Ponderosa there were 16 of us because there were two alternates there. So I did realize there were 16 but that could have meant two tribes at eight. We weren't

[00:40:49] sure we didn't know what our theme was. So I was questioning it for sure. But it didn't mean to me we had returnees. So morning up when we were getting on the

[00:40:58] boat to go out to the pirate ship and I'm, you know, you're not all on the same boat. You don't necessarily know exactly who's there. But when we got on the pirate ship, looking around, and I was like, some people are missing. I didn't know what

[00:41:10] was going on. It's not enough time to process it. No. So there was really, I definitely had suspicions in Ponderosa or like I was curious, not necessarily suspicion. But I was like, this is an interesting number of people. But I

[00:41:23] nothing ever was like, oh, there's going to be returning players on my season that never, like that active thought never happened. So when the boat pulled up with like the returning players, I was like, get the fuck out of here. So at first, I

[00:41:38] was just excited. Like really fun story is that before I went out on survivor, like, you know, I said, I was rewatching some of the seasons and I rewatched Joe Anglim's first season that was like the heroes, hustlers, whatever. And I'd only

[00:41:53] been dating someone for two weeks before I went out on survivor. And I was watching them with I was watching the season with him. And it was Billy. And I was like, I remember, like verbatim, I said to him, I was like, Billy, I swear

[00:42:04] to God, if Joe's on my season, I'm gonna be like, Billy, who? And like, imagine my surprise when he pulls up on this boat. And they tell me he's on my tribe. I was like, get the fuck out of here. Yeah.

[00:42:24] Of course, I saw how to crush like all the above. You know, it's my type. Oh, long hair. Survivor. So I mean, immediate reaction was hype. Hype is fuck. There wasn't a lot of them.

[00:42:39] And just especially to see Joe on my tribe. I was like, hell yeah, we're set. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's fun. That's an amazing story that you're like, sorry, boyfriend, if he's out there, you're gone by. He like rolled up. That is so

[00:42:54] insane. What a fun moment. manifestation. There we go. Right? Was being friends with people who have played before, like, were they talking you through? Like, this is what it's gonna be like when it's on TV. This is what it's gonna be like with

[00:43:12] fans or like in the post either while you're out there or post did they like guide you through like college? RA floor people? You know what I mean? Not about like what to expect after because when we're filming, they're, they're like not

[00:43:28] really allowed to talk about like production or anything like that. And after the fact you would think that would be a good time maybe for them to tell us things of what to expect. But at that point, they all hated us. Don't

[00:43:40] know nobody at that point was willing to offer any help. I mean, like I really only knew Joe and Aubrey like I dated I spent some time with like, I'd done some boats with him. We weren't close but we weren't enemies by any means. I talked to

[00:44:00] Kelly. Almost not at all. We just never really were on the same side in the game. But Joe and Aubrey specifically did not. Specifically Aubrey especially did not like me after the show. Joe didn't really talk to anyone. He was in his own world.

[00:44:16] So no, nobody helped us at all about what to expect after the fact. But while playing I can say that Joe was a gigantic fucking asset to have on the tribe. Like he made our first fire. He built like our entire shelter. Like he

[00:44:33] was Mr. Hero and all the challenges so I can very reasonably say that my survivor game could have been extremely different had he not been on our tribe. I have no idea like how the game could have gone like less comfortable. Yeah, yeah, less

[00:44:49] comfortable. I never lost when he was on my tribe. So I never was on the top line block at that point. So definitely in the beginning super grateful to have them. And also even not in the beginning, they like mid game or so like they were huge

[00:45:05] targets. So they were Yeah, he was leaving. Yeah. And then they were like, public enemy number one mid game was not mad to have them while playing. But the only problem with having them was watching back to edit seeing that they were getting the four of

[00:45:22] them were getting like 50% of the airtime. Yeah, yeah. You've got edge, edge airtime. You've got return the airtime there was a big old fight for and 60 minute episodes, right? I mean, yeah, 42 minutes of the returnees are getting a quarter edge of

[00:45:38] extinction is getting well, the challenges whatever it's leaving like very little time for camp like very little probably I imagine left a lot of you feeling like your stories didn't get told especially if you're a tribe, especially if you're a tribe that's winning.

[00:45:51] Like, yeah, you know, yeah, I was on comma and we won everything up until the tribe swap. So you didn't see any of us. Yeah, for the first however many episodes that was like,

[00:46:01] yeah, cut out completely there. And then you tried to flop, you got some of me. And then people start going to edge and you're following them. Like, I remember being on my couch and watching it back. I just like, here's this whole sequence of like them like zooming

[00:46:14] in on Joe. He's like doing yoga on edge of extinction, like this close up shot of his face. And there's like a single tear like rolling down his cheek. And it's just like,

[00:46:22] yeah, he's fucking kidding me because I'm on plan ABCD with like, how I'm gonna vote out war dog. But yeah, let's focus on Joe's single tear rolling down. Like, get it. Give me a break. Yeah, oh, yeah, those things. Those are things about being on the show,

[00:46:41] which is I got very lucky. I got so much airtime. And it was so I couldn't have asked for anything different in that sense. I mean, I obviously wish they would have shown me actually

[00:46:53] playing survivor that would have been helpful. I would have felt better about that. But it was I really can't complain too much. So yeah, I was curious about that. And then I can see how there

[00:47:06] may have been this or it sounds like there was this which we don't need to go into the drama, dear God, there's enough of it. But I can see easily how in the post season, there's sometimes

[00:47:17] pre merge and post merge groups. And then that there was this returnee and first time player idea. And it's really interesting that it sounds like it happened more post game versus in game. That's, that's a bit shocking. Although I guess they were in game,

[00:47:33] they were targeted as the returnees the whole time. So maybe that's not Yeah, they were definitely targeted as returnees in the game that that for sure happened. I mean, like the interesting thing about my season is that there's very few people who are friends

[00:47:48] after the fact. I mean, at least definitely the more recent seasons, but most seasons I've talked to and you could tell me Are you friends with anyone in your season still? Like you keep

[00:47:57] up with it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I do. I mean, I am not the only person who I talk to all the time is Dom, which is funny because he's the only person I didn't like while I was there. That's

[00:48:09] not true. There were other people I didn't like but he was the only person who I like openly was in conflict with while on the show. So with my season, I'm very close with Dom. And in general,

[00:48:21] though, like looking at what's happening now with 46 and then hearing that your cast doesn't necessarily get along like our season was a very happy to be together. There was not a lot of beef.

[00:48:32] All of us at the finale got along very, very well. So and have had continued relationships. So I think we got out very unscathed, like super lucky compared to what a lot of groups are. So

[00:48:44] I'm sorry to hear that just for your experience. What I think it really was was that, you know, people who got voted out went to edge of extinction. And then they only all went to

[00:48:56] Ponderosa finally on day 35. So there was very little time for my cast to hang out get together. Yeah, without the stress of the game. Yeah. And, you know, and like, you know, I'm not on day 36.

[00:49:13] Right. So I'm the first person to come to Ponderosa who hasn't gone to edge. So they're barely settled in. And so as soon as I come, it's still a game, game, game, game, like,

[00:49:24] everyone's still talking about the game. They want to know what's going on, because they're not over it yet either. Like, I would say that like, I'm obviously I've only been on the one season,

[00:49:33] but I can imagine like, you know, the first person in Ponderosa like, is chilling and then the next person comes in and it's now together. They're chilling. Like, they're like in the We used to have three days. We had three days in between each person.

[00:49:48] ended at the same time. And they had not even like basically 24 hours till the next person came out and like you're in the finale. It's like, big energy like you're now we're all voting for a

[00:49:58] winner like in just like 48 hours. So it just really, there was no time to decompress and like get to know each other as people really outside of the game. And I really do think that that

[00:50:12] changed our relationships. Like it wasn't time to make true friends. It was always game. Yeah, that part is massively different to think through. It's just stuff you know, we're all in our own way. But we all played Survivor. We all did it but how different it

[00:50:30] is in these different twists and how it changes the game and changes the afterlife as well. Okay, I unless there's anything else there's any part of you that you feel like you really just need fans to know about Victoria, I will go into these rapid fire questions.

[00:50:47] How many times did you apply for Survivor? Just the one Just the ones. Okay, the three words that you use to describe yourself on your CBS bio were controlling, ambitious and witty. Want to change any of those? Are they the same?

[00:51:04] Yeah, no, I would change one of them. I would change controlling, I would still love to keep ambitious and witty. I think those still two very much still describe me. I think the controlling had a lot to do with my

[00:51:18] perfectionism, which I have definitely let go of a lot. So I would, uh, what would I replace that with? So fucking cheesy, but I want to what I replace it with like, yield, maybe he'll Oh, yeah. Confident, like self confident. I love that.

[00:51:37] Yeah, ambitious, self confident and witty. Amazing. Take that as you will. What was the hardest part of the survivor experience? And what was the best part? Hardest part literally from like when you as applied until this moment right now, the hardest part and the best part.

[00:51:56] I mean, I don't I think that the hardest part probably doesn't change. It probably has to be the starvation. I still tell this to people all the time. I'm like you if you've ever been hungry? No, you haven't. Like no, you haven't. Like,

[00:52:11] there's times now where I'm like, God, I'm so fucking hungry. And I'm like, I had lunch today, like, and I'm so hungry for dinner, like ridiculous, like, so ridiculous. Unless you've ever been like in like a household that has food insecurity, or you've lived on the streets. Like,

[00:52:26] I can promise you, you have never been hungry. Yeah, yeah, that has to be the hardest part. Like, when the show ended, I was only 100 pounds. And I have not been 100 pounds. I was 13 years old. Yeah, I just had watched that. That was a crazy place. Yeah, too.

[00:52:44] I was emaciated. So I would say that's the hardest part. The best part. And like, honestly, I'm just gonna admit it the best part. And I've learned to admit this myself in the last couple years. I'll be honest, I really love attention.

[00:53:01] The best part has been the attention. I can't help it. Like, it's so fun to like go to the parties and have people know you. It's so fun to know that you have fans like how ridiculous like

[00:53:12] I have fans. Like, I never thought that would happen. And like, I know I'm not a celebrity. I know like it's a very niche following. But how fun like yeah, yeah, hiding that people know me

[00:53:23] for doing something that I'm so proud of. Yeah, that's so lovely. And I can be as guilty as anyone. I shed a lot of light because it needs to be done on the shitty side of people being cruel

[00:53:36] and crappy and this ridiculous out of control Twitter stuff and people showing up at people's work and all this stuff. So it is great to take a pause and celebrate the fun part of being

[00:53:49] recognized and having fans and getting to be the person that other people have watched like live out the dream. And there is a little person out there girl boy who's looking at you being like,

[00:54:01] I want to be Victoria on Survivor when I grow up. And that part is is really fun. It's hard to believe like it's so exciting. And even like on Twitter now like some people were

[00:54:12] like just like nothing to do with my game boy just been like all like Kenzie was so giving Victoria and final tribal because she had her hair and braids and big glasses. It's just so

[00:54:21] fun to be known and like this franchise that I've always loved. And so yeah, and I don't want to gloss over the fact like you said there's plenty of people who have from being known have been

[00:54:33] bullied and have experienced so much hate and that is awful. Don't do that. But I am I am lucky to not have really had to go down that rabbit hole. Yeah, yeah, pick who you love and like shower

[00:54:46] them with love. We like all the love like go on Twitter. Yeah, how amazing we are and how much you love us. And if you hate someone else just don't just leave that part out. Okay, so you answered

[00:54:57] the second question of this second part of this question, which is before you went out. Did you think you could win? You said no. If you could go back and give yourself one piece of advice on day

[00:55:06] one of the game, you're walking you're standing on that pirate ship. What would you say? I would say my piece of advice would probably be be more social. I think I was social with

[00:55:18] certain people in the game. But again, I at the time had really bad social anxiety and people might not have picked up on that and amazing because I'm really good at masking but

[00:55:27] I struggled a lot to try to connect with people. I'm the person at the party that will hide in a corner and pet the dog and then Irish exit so it would be get over that and be more social

[00:55:39] and form those bonds also look for idols immediately. And my edit made it seem like I never looked for idols which is bullshit and not true. I looked a lot but I didn't look as

[00:55:51] much as I should have. So I would definitely say look for idols hard back immediately and create those social bonds of people not even necessarily about the game but those will get you farther. Other than Survivor, what's your favorite reality TV show? Is for sure The Bachelor.

[00:56:13] And like, typically like Bachelor in Paradise. Okay, definitely the best spin off of the franchise. But if I had to pick between like Bachelor and Bachelorette, definitely The Bachelor because sorry, bunch of women competing over a man is always so much more fun and dramatic

[00:56:28] than a bunch of men competing over women. It's just how it always airs. I love the drama. I love the drama. I don't want to get back in. I should get back into it. I haven't watched for

[00:56:38] forever. What's your favorite place in the world that listeners could visit? If I had to pick one late, that was well, the good trip and a good place. I probably pick Costa Rica right now. Some of my more fond memories were in Costa Rica,

[00:56:56] just like the people were great. The food was incredible. The weather was perfect, like wasn't too expensive. Just I mean, for me, my favorite place is always like somewhere where it can be in a jungle and have a beach. So shocking that I love Survivor. So Costa Rica

[00:57:12] had both of those. And I also love wildlife a lot. And there was a shit ton of wildlife there without having to go to like a sanctuary or anything. So I guess yeah, I'd pick Costa Rica. What is a book or article you've read that's changed your life?

[00:57:27] So I've obviously mentioned this like 27,000 times now, clearly been in therapy. And just a little bit of a preface. I was super hesitant to start therapy because, you know, as I said, I was on

[00:57:39] Survivor when I was like 23 and I considered myself extremely self-aware. And I think I was I was self-aware, but also with bad anxiety. And I was always like, the fuck am I going to

[00:57:49] start therapy for? What are they going to tell me that I don't already know about myself? But there's so many other ways to think. And like, I was not going to get there on my own

[00:58:00] about like changing my thought patterns. So I would say this book that one of my therapists recommended Reinventing Your Life and like self-help books, I feel like people are like, but like this is like an extremely helpful book about like teaching you how to be like,

[00:58:17] just like more positive. And I always thought that about myself. I'm like, I was an optimist genuinely were silly. I was like, things aren't always going to go well. Why the fuck are you like what's not? I just I literally thought being an optimist was dumb.

[00:58:31] And it took a lot of time for me to realize how you think is influencing how you feel at all times. And like, how you think like what you think is going to happen can influence what happens. And

[00:58:45] even if it doesn't, like, you don't know what's going to happen. So why not think happy thoughts instead of like bad ones? It was like, once I started thinking better, I was like, why did I

[00:58:54] feel so like negative before? Like, of course, I should try to feel optimistic. Like, why did I think that was stupid? Who is a trying to impress? So I would say Reinventing Your Life. And Janet

[00:59:08] Yeah, Janet's cloth go. Yeah. Yeah. It's about like schemas and like measuring your if you don't know what schemas are a really great tool to like, figure out what your tricks are. That is probably the best book I have read to help me change my thinking pattern.

[00:59:27] Super interesting. I'm in a life coaching training program right now to add like life coaching to it. Thanks, man. I throw up in my mouth. But it is very, is actually so helpful. And I'm learning a ton to add on to like the career coaching side of what

[00:59:44] I do. The section we're in right now is the separation between our beliefs and our thoughts, our core values and our thoughts, our body and our thoughts. And we're doing parts work. Have you done internal family systems, IFS work? Okay, so we're doing, we're talking about parts work,

[01:00:04] which is just quickly for anyone who hasn't been lost yet is this idea that if you think of yourself as like a boardroom, there's your capital S self who is like your true core self that sits

[01:00:15] at the front of the boardroom. But then there's all these other people at your board table. One of my clients said it's a red dragon named Charlotte who tells her she has to be productive

[01:00:24] all the time. Other people have a lizard on their shoulder. Some people have their, their mother or maybe a, you know, a teacher, a young teacher, all these other voices, I'll get to sit at your boardroom. And so we've been doing all this work around identifying parts

[01:00:38] of ourselves and witnessing our thoughts, which I've done this work with meditation and all this stuff for so long, but really this dis identification, or like you said, following

[01:00:52] the schema is so fascinating to me and in the world of which I could talk to you for a whole another hour about this, which we won't, but we could outside of this. Yes, we should super

[01:01:08] fascinating. I love the suggestion of that book and who doesn't want to like feel better in our brains and our bodies. And if we have the control over that, which we do, why not choose some of

[01:01:20] that path? Cool. Completely agree. All right. How about a favorite podcast that you just love or a podcast episode that you can't get out of your head? Funny enough, I have quite literally

[01:01:32] never listened to a podcast. I have filmed several I've never been to it back. I am not a podcast person. I have dated a good amount of people who really like audio books and podcasts. And so I've

[01:01:47] been in a lot of car rides where like they're putting something on because they're driving and I cannot focus on a podcast. Cool. That's all right. Immediately go elsewhere. Love books, love TV, love movies, podcasts do not work with my brain. Not where it's at. That's so,

[01:02:08] that's so wonderful. I who cares? I mean, that is the way, you know, technology is so wonderful that there are so many different ways to learn. So I love it. Do you listen to music? Do you have

[01:02:19] a favorite song that's on repeat? Yes. So it's funny because I very interesting with music, again, queen of first date, but I feel like something first date people always ask like, Oh, music do you listen to like what are your playlists? And I'm just like, all right,

[01:02:35] so I'm going to give you my red flag. I have one playlist. It's my life song. And this is like, I don't know, some form of ADHD and me probably the tissum. I have like 112 like songs that I've

[01:02:50] put together over like two years. And I listened to that same playlist every single day. It's like my comfort music. It's what I want to hear. I'll add a new song as they come. But like,

[01:02:59] I really have to like it for it to go on there. And I usually choose an artist to like play every morning. And I've gone through a bunch of different artists. And currently the artist is Teddy Swims.

[01:03:11] And my favorite fucking song that I'm always I don't want to say her name out loud. I have here. I always tell Alexa to play for me is blow and smoke by Teddy Swims. Okay, I've heard it.

[01:03:22] Listen to it. It's my favorite song in this moment. Probably two months from now. I'll fucking hate it. But right now can't stop. And it's on repeat on repeat. I can get into that. Skinny by Billie Eilish is the one that I've been listening to because

[01:03:39] there's this line in there that says, I'm not going to screw this up. But the internet is hungry for the meanest kind of funny and somebody has to feed it. And yeah, topical, especially with

[01:03:55] my friend going out and yeah. Being on the show and I've been in therapy for this over the last few weeks of like, how can I be the best friend possible for her as she gets back?

[01:04:08] Because it's just this can of worms that can't be put back in and we're all various scales or various scales. We are all various levels of affected by the experience. But I think you would agree that there's no going back. Like no, there's no going back. Once you're

[01:04:27] out there, you're out there. You're out there. It has changed your life. It has changed. It does change our lives. It doesn't necessarily have to change us, but it changes our lives. Okay. And last but certainly not least, if you want people to find you,

[01:04:44] where can they do so? What are your handles? Anything you want to plug? My Instagram is Beables the rapper. If you don't follow me already, and I'm really, I'm mostly on Instagram, but I also have a Twitter that I post on,

[01:05:00] you know, when survivors happening and that's the V-E-E, V-E-E, Vamandi. And that's really it. Those are the only two places I'm on socials. I do not have a Snapchat. I do technically have

[01:05:13] a TikTok, but I don't use it. Like if you think you're talking to me on Snapchat, TikTok, anything like that, no, you're not. But the company I work at, which I would love to plug

[01:05:23] because I do love my job. I love my company to death. They're called Fi, F-I. So if you guys don't know, I am a huge dog person. Just going to bring in my puppy for this. Guest appearance by Gibby.

[01:05:40] I don't know if this part is on. So I actually got my dog because I work at Fi. We have a dog friendly office. So I finally felt comfortable enough to adopt a dog because I knew I was going

[01:05:54] to have the time for him. Basically what Fi does is kind of like a Fitbit and a GPS tracker for dogs. So it is a collar, has a module inside the collar that gives you their live tracking

[01:06:05] location at any time. Similar to an AirTag in some ways, because you can ping an AirTag for live location, but you need an iPhone nearby. But Fi works with GPS satellites. So you do not need

[01:06:17] an AirTag, an iPhone, anything like that nearby. You can get your dog's live location from an app on your phone anytime. It is such a good piece of mind. And it also tracks their steps, it tracks

[01:06:29] their sleep. There's also a social component of the app. There's the U-Post photos, there's a community tab. You could check into dog parks, you can make friends. It's just an amazing product.

[01:06:40] And we're always doing more and more. I make $0 by promoting this. I'm on the people team. I only work in HR with employees, but I am such a strong, strong believer in this product. I would recommend

[01:06:52] any person who has a dog to get a Fi collar. It's tryfi.com. You can't find me there, but you could always add me on LinkedIn if you want to. My name is Victoria Bimondi on LinkedIn. You can find me

[01:07:03] on the Fi page. Happy to talk to anyone professionally also, if you want to figure out how to get into the people and culture space or figure out how to work with dogs, I can help you with both.

[01:07:13] Yeah. But yeah, huge advocate there. I love that. I was stalking you through getting ready for this. And of course, in the career business, I like to follow people's career stuff and to watch the progression of what you went through. And then to have your professional

[01:07:27] work come together where you love dogs and have loved animals and dogs and do all this stuff. And now it is part of loving people and having the dog component. It feels like maybe things

[01:07:39] have come together in a current iteration, a really great Venn diagram of where you're at. And that is a testament to all the work you've been doing on yourself. I'm sure. Thank you for recognizing that as somebody who does not know me personally. Yes, that is something

[01:07:54] I'm extremely proud of. I have had a very long and windy path of finding my career. And a lot of times you think you're going to get out of college and just know what you're going to do.

[01:08:05] And I did not. It took me until about 28, 29 to really get on this path. And I have never been happier. So yeah, I do feel like all the pieces finally came together. And I'm extremely,

[01:08:15] extremely happy where I am. Yeah, great. There's nothing better than loving your job because I mean, I don't believe in the whole, if you love your job, you never ever worked a day in

[01:08:24] your life sort of thing. No, I fucking work but I still love it. Yeah, right. But there is always a space always, I believe for every single person where your skills and then what you care about,

[01:08:38] even if it doesn't seem like it's related, can come together in a perfect storm of where you can bring out the things that you love doggies and all this stuff working at a tech company,

[01:08:48] working with people and getting to be yourself. And take your cute little Gibby to work with you. So everybody keeps searching out there. It does exist. They do exist. Yeah, don't give up.

[01:09:00] Awesome. Well, thank you so much for your time today and spending it with me. I know, living in survivor land can sometimes be stressful, mediocre, overdone, whatever. But I really enjoyed getting to know you more today. And hearing about your journey, whether or not

[01:09:18] it changed you how it changed your life. So thanks for being willing to go there with me. Of course. Thanks so much for having me. I had a great time.

[01:09:26] A huge thanks to Victoria for joining me on the podcast. We had not met in person or had much one on one messaging if at all, I had a great time getting to hear more about who she is and what she

[01:09:38] is about beyond what I've seen just in the survivor universe. I thought she did a great job of letting us in behind the curtain of how she sees the world, the work she's doing on herself

[01:09:48] to live an adventurous and more fulfilling life. Post survivor. This is a small but hopefully growing little community here at Road to Reality. Now that we're in season two, if you enjoy this podcast, please like subscribe, leave a review, share it with a friend,

[01:10:05] post it on your social media, tag me tag our HAP. Let's get the word out for people who may be interested in a different view on the survivor group of folks that went out and did this crazy

[01:10:19] thing once. Thank you all for being here and see you next time. I'd like to thank Rob Sestranino and the entire RHAP team for their support in making this podcast. Jessica Sterling is the

[01:10:30] editor. Tricky Rice created the artwork. To all of my fellow survivors, thank you for showing up for free to give me and all the listeners a look into your lives that we wouldn't otherwise get to

[01:10:41] see. I'm much gratitude to all of you listening. If you'd like to connect and only if you're kind, you can find me on social media at the Kellen B or at kellenbechdel.com where I as a holistic

[01:10:55] career coach tried to give away as many free resources as I can to help people find more happiness and success in their career journeys. May each of your realities lead down a road of

[01:11:07] peace, joy, and a whole lot of adventure. And now here's Jacob Derwin with Mira from Manhattan. Her name is Mira from Manhattan. Her name is Chelsea from Chelsea. Her name is Krista from Columbus. It doesn't matter much to me. Now she's staring out the window.

[01:11:42] She's turning on the night. She takes a pen to her new novel. And the airplane takes flight. I never knew. I never knew. I never knew. I never knew. You were flying out to Dublin just a stop along the trail. Mira hops from there to Paris.

[01:12:55] I ride to Belfast on the rail. Now she's cheering in the winery. I'm staring at the sea. Her name is Mira from Manhattan. It doesn't matter much to me. I never knew. I never knew. I never knew. Never knew you.

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