September Premonitions: The Cocoon Before the Change

[00:00:03] Purple Pants Premonitions, Brice and Gary DeAndre Purple Pants Premonitions Spiritual Care and the Terror Reads on the Way

[00:00:17] What is going on and welcome back to the Purple Pants Podcast. Premonitions for the month of September. We are here super excited to be here with my co-host the amazing the talented Mr. Gary DeAndre. Welcome back. Happy September. How are you?

[00:00:46] Listen, it is my favorite time of the year, baby. We made it to the birds. Okay. And for me, that's when I started thinking about, oh, birthday season coming. Then it's holidays. It's like, all right, girl, 2027. She's close. Okay, she's real close. I don't know what's going on, but she is time is moving sister. How about you? It is 2026. They wrap it up. Okay. And that's what it is feeling like. It's weird to be in September. Yes.

[00:01:15] It's still summer. So, you know, I have to remember that, but I am a summer baby and I like, I'm not a summer baby. I'm a winter baby, but I love the summer. But I have come to the realization, like, I live for fall. I think I like it when my house is cold. I hate it when it's hot. I'll be sweating and I'll turn on my air because I'll be trying to keep the costs down.

[00:01:38] So, so I am excited for the season to change and just, you know, a new beginning. I feel like we've been through it enough. And so it is just trying to, you know, see what it gives. I feel like it's been, it's been something. And so here we are. And I want to make the best of it, despite what I'm going through.

[00:02:01] Okay. Come on now. Pushing through. I'm not mad at it. And also, can we actually back up to the fact of the matter of like the cost of living for this electricity during this little heat wave? Girl, honey. I'm like, I've never seen those astronomical numbers in my life. And who do you think is paying that right now, girl? Like what? Honey, that's just for me to live and not even live comfortably, sister. That's just to make it through.

[00:02:30] So yes, bring on the fall. Listen, as we sit over here, baby, because you see, I decided to change my environment for a little bit, you know, try something new for a hot second. And it ain't got a fan that's blowing in front of me. And I'm like, I need a Beyonce fan at all times. So I'm over here like, we need to get summer over with, girl. Cause I'm tired of sweating, Jesus. Listen. I'm tired of sweating.

[00:02:53] You have never lied. In my podcast studio, like I have lights and like this room always gets so hot and I've been sweating and sweating. And today I was able to put a little jacket on. I can wear lighters and feel so comfortable. So I am really expecting, uh, that this fall transition is going to be the transition that like I need. I don't know what everyone else has been going through, but you know, the summertime was fun, but I don't feel like I did much. Right.

[00:03:22] I really feel like I was in a, in, an isolation state of just really kind of keeping to myself and, uh, keeping my interactions very limited. And I try to be really intentional with just the people I kept around me. And so it felt like there were some people that felt a ways. And I really just, you know, I felt like during this time, I was like, I have to live for myself.

[00:03:48] I really do. And I think I had mentioned this last time, but like, I have read a quote or saw the quote, uh, where it was just like, when the people pleasers realize that people are never pleased. And that stuck with me, uh, cause I would categorize myself as a people pleaser in the sense that it's my nature to always make everyone feel comfortable. I want to make sure everyone is good.

[00:04:13] I really want that is something that is important to me, but I also have to remember, bitch, who won't make you feel good? Who won't check in for you? And I really felt like this summer, I really had to, to isolate myself and really kind of like get back to myself.

[00:04:35] And I say that, but then I also say like, I really don't even want to get back to myself. I want to get to a new version of myself. Um, and so that's really what I've been meditating on and talking to myself about. Um, it's just really kind of allowing this evolution. Cause I really do feel like I'm in a state of transition.

[00:04:59] Mm-hmm. Do you feel like, okay. So like state of transition. And do you feel like you're still in the cocoon transitioning into the butterfly or are you already out of your butt in your butterfly phase and learning how to live in that? I, I, I feel like I'm still in my cocoon. I feel like, uh, the cocoon, I'm still in the cocoon. I'm still figuring out what I'm supposed to be doing in this cocoon.

[00:05:26] Mm-hmm. Okay. Like, where are we going after we get out of it? Everything like, where am I showing up? What am I giving? Like, these are important questions. And I can identify with that too. Cause I feel like leading up until this point, you know, the last like eight months that we've lived through in like 2026 have been transformative in some way, shape or form. And I feel like everyone is learning something new about themselves, what they want. You know what I mean? What they don't want.

[00:05:55] Um, and then I feel like it's just like a time of figuring out how to live in it. You know what I'm saying? And how to like embrace it and how to like take it for a spin. You know what I'm saying? Like out in the streets. Cause there are going to be people that, you know, they love the new ride. Okay. They love the color that you chose. They love the wheels that you put on. But then there are some people who can be like, how much money did you spend on that? Dude, that's looks like it was expensive. Like I always just like have something to say. And it's like, are you going to do in spite of, or are you going to do because of, you know what I'm saying? That was a hard girl.

[00:06:25] Um, okay. Yeah. Because it's very important. Like at this point, I think it's very much the season of you only have one life to live and you also know you best. So somebody trying to dictate or derail what you doing best for yourself is, even if it's coming from a place of like, I'm trying to like, look out for you. It's like, you can't.

[00:06:52] Huh? I'll say it like this. Like you can't control what else somebody else got going on, especially if you see it as something that you're trying to like save them from, let them have their experience. And then you also have to remember like people have to be in a space to be receptive to that. So sometimes wasting your breath on bullshit is like really not worth it. At the end of the day, like you could just save it, you know? And it's like, I wish that people were more in a season of like saving. It's like, yes, thank you.

[00:07:15] But like, also like one, what things did it gives you the audacity to say or operate as like who gave you that authority? Cause I didn't. And two, so now what? So what do I do now? You feel what I'm saying? Cause like, is it helpful? And I can honestly say like, Hmm. It's complicated because I haven't had to deal with that.

[00:07:41] I think what I'm dealing with more or less is one, not feeling guilty when I don't do what somebody else may be expecting of me to do. You know what I'm saying? And then I think the other part of it is like instances where I wish things were different and it had a different outcome. So it makes me think about like, how do I show up appropriately as things are like coming down the pipeline?

[00:08:07] And I think what I mean by that is I know you'd be, you'd be out you with the family and stuff like that. You know, you running around, you've had a very full summer. You know what I'm saying? Me on the other hand, I'm not saying it hasn't been full. It's been, I don't even want to say it's been isolating because it hasn't been that either. I think it's been more about me reestablishing what places fill my cup. And I also feel safety in and places where that is threatened.

[00:08:36] And the fact that it's being threatened, does that mean that I still show up in spite of, or do I protect myself first and then try to find something that ends up working for the both of us later down the road? So that way we can both be able to show up, you know what I'm saying? And I'm doing what I can for you to the extent that I can. And also just trying to meet you halfway. And I know that sometimes you got to go above and beyond, but it's like, if that's a threat to me in some way, shape or form, is that good for anybody?

[00:09:05] And a lot of people may not think that. And it, uh, cause they, I know you saw the Sabrina Bryan, like sometimes you got to go to, uh, baby girls, uh, her event that she's having, her play, her one woman show. You feel what I'm saying? Like in order to like show up. Um, and yes. And cause everybody's situation is different. And I think I'm also still understanding what the situation exists like for me and not feeling guilty about that reality.

[00:09:36] Cause that's the, you know, sort of the real place to be. No, I feel you. And especially like when you are this, like a single gay man that doesn't have kids that like, doesn't have a partner. And you know, you're always constantly showing up and sometimes you need a break from that.

[00:09:54] And sometimes it's like, well, how are you? And it's not to pretend, right? Because you are like, sometimes you do have to show up and sometimes, but sometimes if I can't show up for myself, I'm a show up for you. Right. Like, and who's showing up for me? Right. Where everyone always just, they think, oh, you're the show her upper. So it works. And so, no, I definitely receive that way. And it's like this give and take where you feel guilty.

[00:10:18] But at the same time, it's like, I want to listen to my spirit. I don't like, if I'm not feeling like it, then I probably should stay home. And it is, it's so different. Even being with family. Like, so my family had this barbecue last weekend and it was like great.

[00:10:40] And some family members and I got into it with an elder and my family who I love and adore, but I'm not 11 anymore. And so like, there was a conversation being had and I was adjacent to it. And I was, you know, I was listening and I didn't really like some of the things that were being said.

[00:11:04] And I understand like, you know, my aunt has lived a life and she's going through, I'm saying she has gone through some things that like, I just don't know. We'll never know. Right. And that have conditioned her and the way that she operates. But then like, you know, some things were said and I, I didn't interject, but I just had to say like, well, I don't feel like that's actually appropriate.

[00:11:33] And it kind of like spun into this argument with me and like my favorite aunt. And it kind of boiled down to like, she was like, I'm being disrespectful. Like, you know, essentially like stay in a child's place. Do as I say, not as I do.

[00:11:53] And Gary, when I say it triggered me and I hate to be that family member that makes a scene at an event, but I had to shake the table a little bit and essentially say like, auntie, I'm not a kid. And respectfully, like essentially like I has shared my, I don't want to say disgust, but disappointment. And that is how she felt about a situation.

[00:12:24] And she tried to turn it on me. Like, and I had to, and again, for a while I was just listening and just like, and then I was, I had to realize like, baby, I'm not 11. I'm not 11. We're adults. And you're essentially telling me that I can't have my own feelings. And I'm like, whether you agree with it or not, like, that's how I felt about it. And so like, I need for you to hear that.

[00:12:49] And then that just kind of was like this whole world war in the family. Not really. It was just private between us, but still. And like, I had felt so guilty. Like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm talking to my aunt like this. But at the same time, I like was like, there's so many things in my life that like condition me or people that like, we just are supposed to take it or we're just supposed to.

[00:13:17] And again, this, I feel like this trend kind of comes up in that same conversation of like showing up for people, which is something that we love to do when we do. But like, if there is a moment or a period in our lives where we're falling back and maybe we're not doing as much. And the way people receive it sometimes.

[00:13:41] It's like, I've never more in my adult life felt when people be like, 90% of the times, somebody's action has nothing to do with you. And I receive that so much because I feel like, again, my aunt and my other friends, they take my actions as like, I'm personally, baby, this don't got nothing to do with you. Right. I'm just stating the facts.

[00:14:11] I'm just stating the facts. I'm just telling you how I feel. I'm just, you know, removing myself from the time being like you love me from here. You can't see me as a person. You can't see me as an adult having feelings. And I feel like, you know, I share that because it's like me. I can't be the only person that feels this way. And so it just is such an interesting thing because in my mind, then I demonize myself.

[00:14:39] Then I make myself feel so bad for like speaking up about how I feel or where I'm at. And then it just kind of puts you in this cycle. And it's just like, well, I don't want to be in that cycle no more. Right. No, I get it. I was about to say, bitch, if only you knew how much I like exhibited control just now. I feel like that meme of like that boy where he's like in the classroom and he's like holding

[00:15:08] in a screen because I'm like, there's so much that I wanted to like unpack there because I would not be surprised if this is also religious to some extent as well. Or maybe that plays a little bit into the mentality of belief around like, what is the good old the phrase they say in the Bible where it's like you have to, you know, honor that mother and father. But like they also talk about like not stirring your child into anger and people completely

[00:15:38] miss that part. Because it's like essentially this place of this is what I believe. This is what I feel that you should feel as well. And as soon as you start bringing up anything that allows nuance or a conversation or like pushing back because you have like a difference of opinion, then all of a sudden I am the enemy. You know what I'm saying? And then I'm the demon because I have an opinion, because I have my own life, because I have my own experiences.

[00:16:07] And I can only speak from my side of the pond, but I also know that like my experience in life is going to be very different from anybody that is in my family solely because the gaze is its own thing. And they're also living it out loud because, you know, sometimes the girls be, but don't be, you know what I'm saying? Enough. And, you know, we got respect for and love for you over there. And we love you because you family. But still do your big one. It's hard to live in it as well.

[00:16:35] And then I also think because, you know, I'm not saying I'm well-traveled, but I left home at a very young age. Like I allowed the world to help me experience things in like a different way and have a different perspective than what you may have. And even if you try to frame it as that, it's like anytime you bring up any sort of, I have a difference of opinion, I have a difference of feeling, I'm willing, like I actually love a healthy discussion.

[00:17:03] But like, I also have to feel like I'm being respected in said discussion because like that is part of the reason why I do not take my ass back to Georgia as much as I used to. And I also think, you know, the Lord, the universe was like, girl, you're in your divine molding right now. If you take yourself somewhere where you are in the mold phase and you are not fully put together, that means that people have the opportunity to put their fingerprints in the molding.

[00:17:32] That means people have the opportunity to speak things into it that is not necessary for its divine unmolding. You feel what I'm saying? I'm gonna call it that divine unfolding, divine unmolding. We just make stuff up. And it's like for me. Okay. Listen, somebody will quote that coin that. Um, but no, it's like I can't be in places where I'm zipping myself up. You know what I'm saying?

[00:17:56] And I know that I can be complicit in sometimes trying to people please or sometimes trying to like skate around because I'm still human too. And when they say stuff, you know what I'm saying? Because listen, it's that this sounds funny, but there's so much deeper than that. Perfect example. So a couple of days ago, um, I call my family cause I will go to an email on Friday and I was told that I was being given royalties for my tarot debt.

[00:18:25] And I was like, what? Okay, girl. That's the first, I'm like, girl, but cause you know, of course that's part of the thing, but I don't think about that. I'm just living life. And then all of a sudden I get an email on a Friday morning. I'm like, oh my God, I got a little, a little something coming in, you know what I'm saying? Blessings. Like, thank goodness. And thanks to everybody that's bought. Thank you for buying it. Thank you for everybody that supported like gratitude.

[00:18:52] So of course I normally don't like to share stuff with my parents because of, I know their understanding of what they think I do and the tension with that. So I do try to keep things a little bit more outside of their realm of information. But this was one of those things where it's like, girl, you can't tell me that something that I did is allowing me to be able to bear fruit in some way, you know, and it's the first. So anything can happen past this.

[00:19:17] So I want you to be proud of me for once, even though I shouldn't have to ask for that. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes you want to be able to share those things so that way you can get that in return. The Lord is working on me. So of course I called my mom. She in the country, she had to get off the phone. So I was like, girl, she dealing with the elders. I ain't got time for that. I called Gary. Hey, guess what? Are you having a baby? Now, why would you say that?

[00:19:48] Why do you think I'm going to have a, do you think that I'm responsible enough right now to have a child? And also, you know what has to happen in order for me to have a child. Have you ever heard of any man? No. Have you ever heard of me even considering, why would you say that? Because he thinks he's funny, but he's not. He thinks he's funny, but he is not. Okay. Because then he proceeds to tell me my brother's going on a cruise or something like that. Um, and he's married. So I'm like, I'm glad you're going. He's going somewhere with his wife.

[00:20:18] Like, he was like, well, you could get one too. I'm like, now Gary, see, this is why I don't come home. Because I'd be going to let your ass up. Because you think you're funny and you're not. And I know what you're trying to say behind this. Because you know, you know what it gives. But you're trying to get those little jazz. I'm like, girl, we are. I'm not about to fight with you. And that's why I don't answer the phone sometimes. Because, like, you have to know you're not your opponent. But you know what you have grown up with. You feel what I'm saying? And it's like, I know what you are trying to, like, steer me into.

[00:20:47] That would make me smile. I'm like, no, I'm just not going to give you that time of day. And I'm going to get off the phone. Because I know what you are trying to give me. So if you can't give me that in return, why should I offer you that? You know what I'm saying? And that's kind of where I feel like it's a standard in life. Like, I'm always going to move with love, understanding, harmony, appreciation. But at the same time, if you're not able to, like, offer that back in some way,

[00:21:16] even just, like, as your base level, then that means that there's something else going on there that I cannot be responsible for. You know what I'm saying? Because I'm not going to put myself in harm's way. And I think that that's what this year has been about. Realizing where we are being harmed. Realizing where we are having challenges. That are actually helping us to learn more about who we are at our core. And what we want to show up as in this iteration of life.

[00:21:44] It's, and to piggyback on that, right? Having this conversation with my aunt and us going back and forth. Like, in that moment, I realized, like, I see so much of myself. Not, not, not same situation. But, like, seeing how I handle myself sometimes when I get upset. And, like, and I was just like, oh my God. Like, it, again, having so much understanding and grace for my aunt. But also kind of, like, speaking up for myself.

[00:22:14] But also being able to see, like, in real time. Like, wow, like, I operate like this sometimes when I'm upset. Or when I'm in so even being able to see that. And to see, like, how can I be a better communicator? How can I, like, it just, it was so eye-opening. And again, it wasn't even nothing deep. It was just kind of like a random conversation. But I had feelings about it.

[00:22:41] And so, I'm assuming my aunt was, like, her feelings were hurt. And so, like, how she responded. And then I'm like, oh my God, this is how I respond. Right? And so, it was just like, even being able to take in that moment. Yeah. And be like, wow. I see myself. Absolutely. 100%. I've been having those revelations, too. Because much that I love, just talked about Gero. I love that man through and through. And some of the things that I've learned is ways that I've seen him operate.

[00:23:11] You feel what I'm saying? Man, like, perfect example. Helping everybody else out before you help yourself. And, like, conditioning yourself to, like, be supportive of everyone else. But then when it comes to your own needs, big question mark. You know what I'm saying? So, it's like, you have to allow yourself to have that balance. Because you also deserve everything that you're giving to others. And it's like, where do I learn some of these habits from? And it's like, we learn them from the people that we love. You know what I'm saying?

[00:23:38] Because we've seen it maybe work for them in the past. As far as all we've been conditioned to understand. I think that the older that we get, the more, I think, like, secure we get in ourselves. And secure that we get in the life that we are living. Because, you know, everyone's life is different. Their motivations. Their, you know, deterrence. Like, everyone's situation is different. So, it's like, you have to figure out what works best for you.

[00:24:03] And something that may have worked best for you when you were 19 is not going to work the same way when you're 36. You know what I'm saying? And, like, you have to be okay with understanding that that is okay, too. And people that don't feel that way about it, that's their own issue that they have to deal with. But people are great mirrors if we allow ourselves to be the most transparent version of ourselves and our relationships. And I think that that's, like, this time that we are leading into as we're, like, getting into September. You know what I'm saying?

[00:24:32] Like, we've gotten through these first, like, couple months. We know that the birds really just, like, invites in this spirit of, like, what does the rest of this year look like for me? You know what I'm saying? And, like, what have I already learned? What have I already established? What have I already tried on for size? And, like, do I allow this to sustain me through these next couple of months? Because this is the time where I figure out what I'm taking into next year. What I'm taking into everything beyond this. And, like, zooming out.

[00:25:02] Because, like, everybody was excited about this one year. New opportunity. New things. Da-da-da-da-da-da. You're the fire horse. Remember all that at, like, the top of the year, right? And it's, like, if you think about it, like, everybody is burnt out. And, like, stressed out. Because everything is moving at a fast pace. Everything is new. Everything is expensive. You feel what I'm saying? We're seeing some of the worst, like, societal, like, norms and, like, responses to things. Like, I know in my lifetime. You know what I'm saying?

[00:25:29] And maybe just I say that because of my awareness back then when things were different. But it's, like, this is a crazy time to, like, be living in. And, like, everybody has to find ways in order to make it through. And this month is really about setting the foundation for, like, what's going to get you to make it through in the global aspect of things and then in your day-to-day. And we don't have time to be fielding nonsense. Like, there's no time or energy for that.

[00:25:58] Mama is focused. Mama has vision. Mother has goals. And, like, I know what's going to be in support of those goals. I know what's going to be in support of those visions. And if you don't know, this is your sign to figure it out, sister. Okay? Because time is moving. Things are happening. Go ahead. It's been moving. I just was saying, like, for us millennials. Yeah. Bitch, we've been through it.

[00:26:25] Like, and I feel like it's almost like we, and I can only speak to my elder millennials, where it's like, bitch, I'm tired. We've been through it. I don't care what nobody say. Our generation, we have been through hell and back. And bitch, we're still in hell. And we still, like, so it's like, sometimes it's even like, how do we operate from a place of chaos? Because that's all we know.

[00:26:54] They told us the world was going in 2020. Child, we done been through war. Girl, they told us the world was going in at the Y2K, girl. What are you talking about? Okay? We the first girls on the internet. Okay? We didn't see the plane crashes. We didn't see life change. We didn't see the market crash. We didn't went to college. We didn't got the jobs and we still broke. Now you're saying we don't got a retirement plan. Now this man in office. Now the meat is hoarse.

[00:27:22] Now you're saying you can't. Water is, like, you don't have to drink water every day. Like, what? What? There's not enough water. The glaciers are melting. It's like, we've been through it. Damns, like, falling apart and taking out thousands of people in, like, other countries. Like, it's crazy. It's like, we, yeah. Like, I asked myself that, like, often. Are we living in hell? Like, and I think that we are.

[00:27:53] And, like, hell is a state of mind. So it's like, what do I do to combat that bull? You know what I'm saying? Like, through all of this. Because that's the only way that we make it through. And then if you think about it, like, life is just so random. So it's like, you have to make the most of a shitty situation. Is what I feel like we are in right now. And, like, people are trying to find. I know. And trying to find, like, the pockets of time where you feel good about something.

[00:28:21] Like, investing in something. Investing in someone. Can't even trust these men out here. Don't get me started. Because, you know, I will always get on my and trust these men's soapbox. Okay? Even though I am one. Yeah. Okay? Okay? Listen, and I don't. I ain't got no man. But I'm just like, listen. Everybody got some issues with some man in some way, shape, or form. Whether it is romantic or not. Listen. Somebody's getting on your nerves.

[00:28:48] So, I just feel like this is a time to establish some sort of routine. Establish some sort of focus. Shout out to all the Virgos out there. We are in the middle of Virgo season. And Virgo is really strict to me. Okay, come on now, Bobby. Virgo is really strict to me. Virgo is very like, I know what I want. I know what it takes to get there. I know that it's like getting the wheels going. On like making that decision. Making that change. You know what I'm saying?

[00:29:18] Like, when I zoom out and think of like September. I think of like back to school. You know what I'm saying? We're getting back into the routine of going to class every day. What have you. Getting back into the routine of like the wake ups and whatnot. Then if you back to school. You know what. What classes am I going to be taking this year? What sports am I going to be investing my time in? You know what I'm saying? Like this is the time. To start setting the foundation. That's going to carry you through the winter.

[00:29:46] And I think this is the prime time to think about. If you are wherever you are checking in from. Like where are you right now? Like in this moment. What are you feeling? And like what is the vision? It could be as simple as just being happy. It could be as simple as find a new job. It's not simple in this time. My child. But something new as far as like a new hobby. A new opportunity. Putting yourself in positions to be seen a little bit more.

[00:30:16] What do you do in order to like make that happen? You were going to say something? No. I'm okay. I thought you had something to say. Uh-huh. Yeah. I thought you had something to say. No. But I just feel like this is like a time of like. What is the foundation that like I'm establishing? And like even as I like speak to y'all. Like I'm figuring that out myself. Like I gave myself this time. So I'm currently on a little like break from like my day job. Like a little work break. And then also I finally did not schedule client stuff.

[00:30:45] Like during these days that I have off. Because I'm real good. Okay. And I learned that from my father unfortunately. Even on my days off still be working child. Okay. Or have somebody. Somebody to like talk to. Or something like on the agenda. And I was just like. I just need some time. Like unstructured. Like because I don't know about y'all. But like you know when you have something on your agenda. It could be at 6 p.m. that day. And you wake up at 8. And all you think about is at 6 p.m. I can't do nothing till that. Okay. We ruined the whole vibe. So I'm like I don't want to feel like that.

[00:31:14] And I think that that is what I am learning right now. And also I think for me. Like I have rituals. I have routines and stuff. But I think becoming comfortable with the mundane. Is what I am in the midst of. At this moment. Like everything does not have to be chaos. You know what I am saying? Like in order for you to be feeling something. Like the things that you are building right now. Are going to be helpful for you later on down the road.

[00:31:43] Even if you don't recognize it like right now. But like there are still things that are a part of your day to day. That you know do not benefit you. And you still continue to do that. You know what I am saying? And how do we channel that energy into something else? Or invite someone in to help support with that. Because if you keep doing it. And just keep doing the same thing over and over and over again. Girl what do you think is going to happen? If you like you haven't made it happen yet. So girl. You think you're going to make it happen?

[00:32:13] Not too much. I'm talking to myself. But I'm saying back up off me. Okay. Back up off me Gary. I went to work with your child. They said hit Dasha Holler. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Ah. Okay. Listen. And that is fine. I'm whacking my. Listen. If you can't whack yourself. How the hell are you going to whack somebody else? Can I get an amen up in here? Okay. But I. Because I'm with you.

[00:32:41] Because there are so many things that I said. Like I wanted to do this summer. But then also I said. I wanted to take a break. Like you. Like I just wanted to not do nothing. And. I owe. I owe it to myself. And so like. I. Of course. Spoke guilty this summer. Like not really doing nothing. Right. But also like kind of. Getting. In a routine of like my nothingness. And my routine of nothingness. Isn't nothing.

[00:33:10] It's still work. It's still this and that. But like allowing my time to like. Be my time. And not do anything. Yeah. And so like. Beginning of August. We gonna start to like. Build up our. We gonna go running. We gonna do. We gonna do that. Then child. Then the beginning of August. Came the middle of August. It was eclipse season. Yeah. Eclipse season. The middle of August. It's September. And now it's like. I'm like oh my god. I'm so behind schedule. And that's like.

[00:33:40] My anxiety. But I said to myself today. I said. We can start today. Right. Like I don't need to. Like and that is kind of. Where I've been at in this. It's like. Yeah. I know what I need to do. And I just need to start. And I don't need to like. Overcomplicate myself. Yes. Literally. Taking it a day by day. And celebrating my accomplishments. For that day. Because in my mind. It's like. I'm looking at the road ahead. And I'm like. Oh I got all this stuff. And I'm like. I'm like.

[00:34:09] I thought I would want it to be. But I'm like. You know what. Guess what. You're here. This is how you're entering. Right now. And so. You make it do what it do. Right. Okay. And don't. And I'm not going to beat myself up about it. Okay. Like I'm not. That's all. That's all you can do. What? You know. Day by day. That's all you can do.

[00:34:39] At this point. Because like. At the end of the day. Like. If you look too far in the future. If you start worrying. Like. Then it just complicates. Like the whole experience. You know what I'm saying. And like. I've been also trying to do better with that. Being in the present moment. And like. Letting things happen. And being where my feet are. Is what I try to like. Remind myself of. Even though. That feels difficult at times. But. I try to remember the things. That I do. That help bring me back. To me. Because I think that. I spend so much time. Up here. You know what I mean? That sometimes.

[00:35:09] I forget. What's going on. Down here. And I can sometimes. Over rationalize. The reason why. Instead of just like. Feeling my way through it. And I feel like. This is like a time. Of me just like. Getting reconnected back to my body. In like a different way. And also like. I think this feels like. A time where. I am trying to get myself. Back into the routine. Of like. Society. You know. I feel like. I've spent. Especially like.

[00:35:39] Post you know. All the things that have. Like been happening. I have. I don't know. If I had like. A full life. Like fledgling life. Outside in the streets. And stuff like that before. But I know that. You know what I'm saying? Well. The girls see me. The girls will see me. But they don't see me all the time. But when they see me. They do see me. Okay. And I'm trying to get back into. A season of. Allowing myself to be seen. And not. Panicking. About the fact that I am being seen. In public. You know what I'm saying? Because I deserve.

[00:36:09] To be. Experienced. And. I do not have to be scared. About what I perceive. Other people's experience. Of me being. Is. I just need to be. In the atmosphere. And I mean that with like. Friends. Although. I do experience. Summer depression. I've experienced summer depression. For a really long time. So like. The fact that I even. Managed to do. Anything this summer. I'm giving myself credit for. But like. As we load. Into like. Fall season. Like the fall frolics.

[00:36:39] Okay. I am. Very much the girl. That is going to. Celebrate her birthday. And everything. So I'm already like. Oh the countdown starts. Girl. Okay. And I'm very much looking forward. To this one. But I feel like. This is like the preparation. We have a nine nine portal. That's coming up. This upcoming week. The number nine. In numerology. Is all about like. Completion. Endings. Like that last. Like little bit. Before like. You get to like. Your end goal. You feel what I'm saying? And it's like. I think about it as like. Closing up. Little tasks.

[00:37:09] And then we have the new moon. In Virgo coming on the 10th. And I feel like. This upcoming week. That we're getting ready. To like be in. Is like a week of like. Okay. What's working? Like a full like. Audit. Of like. What's happening. In real life. I'm. And no tea. No shade. Something I've been thinking a lot about. That I have not actively done yet. But has been on my mind. It's just like. Writing down the people. That like are a part of my life right now. And just like. How do I feel about them? Like. Where. What am I feeling? Like. Not necessarily like. What's missing. But like.

[00:37:39] Where am I checking in. Right now. With just like. The people that are around me. The people I'm spending time with. People that I want to spend. More time with. That I. I like haven't seen. You know what I'm saying? And I'm. I think I'm in a season of like. Rebuilding. I don't want to say. Rebuilding relationships. But I think like. Starting in relationships. To your next level. Yes. Yes. It's like a new chapter. In like the book. Of like some connections. Because I don't really feel like. I'm in a season of like. Closing them. I feel like they're evolving.

[00:38:09] And I think that like. This month. Is really about. Not just like. Foundation setting. But like. Also giving ourselves. Gratitude. And giving ourselves. Like our kudos. For making it through. These difficult times. Like. It's not easy out here. It feels like. We are over stimulated. At all times. We're getting messaging. From all different sorts of folks. Everyone's like. No shade. Like. I'm part of the. I don't got bigger crew. And I'm like. I know that's. There are certain reasons. Because of that. But it's like.

[00:38:38] The food is not fooding. You know what I'm saying. Every time you try to eat something. Girl. You can have salmonella. Or you can die. Because there's glass in it. These days. It's just like. Bro. Like. How does one breathe. Through this. Like. And if that's happening. At a global level. You can only imagine. What's happening in the house. So. It's like. What do we do in order to get. Get back. To like. What feels good. You know what I'm saying. Some of us have been. Kind of like. Rolling in the deep. It feels like. For a while. And I'm just looking for. A little bit of peace. In my household.

[00:39:08] In my community. And being able to. Spend that time with other people. That we can value that time. With one another. So. That's kind of like. What September is. We've got the new moon in Virgo. We got a full moon. In Aries. By the end of the month. I feel like it's like. On the 24th. 25th. I can't remember. But the new moon in Aries. I want you to think about this. As like your fresh start. To just like. Start really getting things. Moving. And like. As this week is like. Coming up. As you go through like. Next week. It's a time for you. To be able to just like.

[00:39:38] Obsess. You know what I mean? Like. Giving yourself a moment. To look at what's in front of you. Lay it all out on the table. And plan from there. And you don't have to do this today. You don't have to do this tomorrow. But like. Do it sometime this month. Before the end of this month. So that way. Going into October. You have a little bit more direction. As to how you want the rest of the year. To look like. We are also aware of the fact. That Venus retrograde is starting. Which is also very important. Venus retrograde started. The pre-shadow. On August 30th.

[00:40:08] Venus is the planet of love. The planet of harmony. The planet of beauty. So I want you to think about. Relationships. The way that you connect with people. As it retrogrades. Through Libra. Into Scorpio. I want to say. On October 3rd. And this is really about. Allowing yourself to think of. Where can people kind of fill your cup? Where can you fill other people's cup? What are you willing to do? Yes. Shout out to Rihanna. Okay. Kiss it better baby. And also. Allowing ourselves to really get deep in our feelings.

[00:40:38] I think this is coming up for me. Because I. Well. There's two folds to this. But something I was realizing. In my therapy session. This past week was. When my therapist asked me. Like what. Like what do you feel? Or like what. What do you want to like focus on? Sometimes I don't have a question. An answer to that question. It's like something I haven't like thought about. And she. Sometimes will not push me. To like get deeper into her. Or allow me the space to really like. Realize it. So it becomes a lot of deeper work. Around.

[00:41:07] The way that I'm feeling about things. And then feeling. I don't want to say this. Like having the feelings about it. And then feeling like. It's a safe place to be able to discuss them. Because it's like. I know some of us out there. We don't want to open our mouths. And share things with people. That aren't going to get what you're talking about. Like what's the point? You know what I'm saying? So it's like finding those relationships. Finding those safe pockets. Because those are the connections during this time.

[00:41:36] That are going to be helpful for you. And your emotional growth. Your relational growth. Your intimacy. You feel what I'm saying? So. That's my spiel off the top. Just got the yapping. Let me get to cards. What do we have? Thank you. Ancestors guides. Spirit guides. All here in this very moment. Time. Thank you for allowing me to sit in this living room. And do this work on today. I know we've been all over the place today y'all.

[00:42:05] But we are just asking for direction. We ask for guidance. We are asking for clarity. As we are going throughout the month of September. We have come to September a little tattered. A little battered. You know what I'm saying? But we are still powerful. We are still putting things together. And we are still moving forward. So those are two that we need to know in order to get us through. The month of September. Also. You told something about. What was it? Expecting early today.

[00:42:34] And I have to shout out Caitlyn. Because Caitlyn posted the other day about. Yes. Caitlyn and Andrew. Congratulations. Congratulations. Yes. I had to make sure I shared that. Because I thought about it early today. That was a long time ago. And that was in my spirit. I wanted to make sure I said congratulations. To them. Oh. Okay, girl. We got one. Oh, we got two. Two. So. We're going to do this too. And see what it says. We have.

[00:43:04] Oh, wow. The winds of change. And the four of chalices. Coming up in reverse, friends. So. Basically, what I interpret this to mean. Is like. You. Cannot. Be scared. Of taking a step back. From things that you know. That you've been wanting to take a step back from. What comes to mind. And what I see is like.

[00:43:34] And I'll frame it like this. Like, you know that you wanted to break up with them. You know that you wanted to like. Leave that job. You know that you wanted to. You know. Stop that habit. You know that you wanted to. You know. Get on. Get on your good foot. And you keep making excuses. As to why. You can't. Why now is not the best time. Why now feels like. Oh, like. I'm not sure. If you continue. To let that be your reality. If you continue to let that be your narrative.

[00:44:03] Baby, you'll be stuck in the same. Place. Over and over again. And what this feels like to me. Is like. There's going to be one situation. That happens for you this month. That gives you just like. That wiggle call. That's like. Actually like. I don't want this to be my reality. And I deserve better than this. I deserve to like. Feel happier. I don't have to be. Like sold out to. This situation. That is causing me harm. In my life. You're going to let somebody else. That's not you.

[00:44:31] Allow your emotions. To be tainted. Allow your feelings. To be hurt. Day by day. And you're just going to choose that. Why? Why? Why are you choosing. Your pain? Why are you choosing. Your suffering? And sometimes our pain. Our suffering. Is our greatest teacher. Right? But like. You don't have to. Consciously be. On the difficult. You know. The difficult diva plan. You know what I'm saying? Like.

[00:45:01] Everything doesn't. Like. Things are going to be hard. But like. Where can you make it. A little less difficult? Where have you been complicit. In doing the same thing. Over and over again. And thinking that you're going to get something different. That's the definition of insanity. I'll frame it like this. Because you know me. I'm a former teacher. Well still a teacher. I'd love to give a little reference. That's like me. I have eaten the same things in my life. Over and over and over again. Okay? Don't really change it up. But like.

[00:45:31] That make my stomach hurt. And I still eat it every time. Does that make sense? Like. So I've actually been feeling like. I started a list. A while ago. Maybe like early last month. Where it was like. These things make my stomach hurt. After I eat them. Just so I can like remember. Like. Okay. Before we choose to do this right now. Like. Do you think that makes sense? And I think for me. I got used to the pain. I just got used to it. As a side effect. And it was something that like. Oh. I feel like this. Whatever.

[00:46:01] Whatever. And I know that I'm. Frustrated about the fact. That now here I am. Laying down. Holding my stomach. Like girl. I am miserable right now. But like you chose to do that. And I think. For a long time. I just kept doing it. Because that's all I knew. That's all that I was aware of. And it's crazy where it's like. Things like that will happen. At my big age. And I'm like. You don't have to actually do that. Like you don't. Like you can choose something different. Like it may be this one time.

[00:46:31] You know what I'm saying? You can have a little test. But like girl. If it's every single time. You know how you feel. Like. Mama. What's wrong? Why are we not? What do you think about yourself? To be doing that. And that's not fair to you. With the winds of change. And the forest chalices. Coming up in reverse. As you can see. We got the. They come up upright. You see. We got the winds going. You see young. Young man is a little frustrated. You know what I mean? And this four of chalices. To me. In the traditional four of cups. Is always about like.

[00:47:01] Understanding that there is. The choice. To like feel withdrawn. There is the choice. To feel burnt out. There is the choice. To feel. Stressed out. And like starting to get the mentality around. Like what to do next. You know what I'm saying? But like. This is a point where you have. Exhausted. All thoughts. You. It's a ruminating thought. That keeps like. Beating you up. And this is time for you. To do something. About that.

[00:47:30] Instead of thinking about. What can be done. On the other side. Sometimes we think about. The end goal. We think about. What we want. The. The. The stopping point. To be. And don't appreciate. The journey that it takes. To get there. It's very. Reminiscent of our culture. Instant. You know. Instantly having things. In front of them. And it's like. No diva. Like the things that matter. Most of the time. Are the things. That took work. To put into it. You know what I'm saying? And like.

[00:48:00] I'm not saying that. Every single experience. In that work. Is going to be. Woo. Peaches and cream. But I am saying. That like. The things that you've got to work for. In life. Like nothing's ever going to be easy dog. And I don't know who told you that. And maybe that's just my perspective. As a black gay man. Having. You know what I'm saying? Like. That's what. That could be a part of my. That's a part of my experience. That's a part of my reality. Excuse me. Okay. Come on now body. Listen. So it's like. You have to also understand.

[00:48:29] There are certain things that. You don't have to continue to sign up for. Like you don't have to continue to sign up. For going home for the holidays. If you know that every time you go there. You end up feeling worse than when you came. You don't have to sign up. To go to. That event that you went to. And you signed up. Because you felt like you were pressured. To go to it by someone else. But you know that you actually don't want to be there. And when you are there. You fill the room with negative energy. And you feel drained. After you get home. You know that you're not going to have a good time.

[00:48:59] So why are you forcing yourself. To do something that you know you're not going to have a good time at. Why do we do that? Sometimes you know. Because for other people. But then it's like. If I'm sacrificing a part of myself. To do something for you. That you know is actually going to not be good for me. And be good for me being there for you. What are we doing? And I'm going to leave it there. Yeah. Okay. It's really a season of you. Like.

[00:49:32] You can't get. A new outcome. Doing the same thing. Over and over again. And you will see. Listen. You can either get started on it. Or let the Lord. The universe. The spirit guides. You know what I'm saying. And whoever you want. Take it away from you. Before you were ready. And then you're going to have to do. Everything to figure it out. So how about you try to get ahead of it. As best as you possibly can. And I will also say this. Like. I want to give credit to those. That have already started the process.

[00:50:01] Or at least thinking about it. Involving other people in it. Like. Don't think that you haven't done enough. But if you're sitting there. And you're continuing to do. And be. And you know what you. Then girl. What are we doing? What are we doing? There's no. There's no room for that. I want to read the. I want to read the cards. Because. I just want to. Something keeps telling me to. So I'm going to do that. Read them. Okay. Name them. Read them. Okay. Because I was going to say. You keep texting that man. Okay. And he don't respond. After. Until the next day.

[00:50:31] Yeah. Child. Or be like. I was busy. No you weren't. Because you saw your phone. And I know. Listen. I know sometimes you're not in the mood to respond. But like. He could also say that. He could also say that. Anyway. Because you know me. I will always say on a man net. Resisting change. Submission. Adaptability. The winds of change coming up in reverse. Is a sign that you are resisting fate. And trying to control everything that's coming your way. This is gently nudging you to let go.

[00:51:01] What are some of the changes you are resisting in your life? What are some of the choices that you need to sort through. In order to start making different decisions. This also comes up in regard to a shift of power that's happening in your life. Away from giving control externally. And towards taking back control for yourself. What spiritual changes have you been noticing. That are taking hold. And how are you ushering them in underneath this new beginning. That you have seen yourself walking into.

[00:51:31] The winds of change in reverse. Is a sign that sometimes. The most necessary change. Is the one that feels the most daunting and challenging. And instead of running away. This is your time to run towards it. And accept where you can incorporate these changes into your life. How are you allowing yourself to remain. Adaptable to the winds of change that are popping up in your life. Instead of running away from these winds. Allow yourself to run closer to them. To allow them to have their way.

[00:52:02] So. Clock it. Dag it. Okay. Like girls. Listen. It's a tornado. Because she coming anyway. Take me with you. And set me on the good path. Girl. Bro. Okay. And then we have the four of chalices in reverse. Fixated. Complacent. Open to opportunity. You may be finding yourself stuck in a particular morass of emotions. That are not serving you right now. What has you feeling depressed?

[00:52:29] And how can we address it instead of letting it fester. And continue to make you feel like you're sick. The four of chalices in reverse. Alludes to your feeling of complacency. What would it take for you to try something new and different. Instead of doing what you've always done. Knowing that you're unhappy. The writing's on the wall. And it's time for you to saddle up. And do something about it. Instead of hiding in the shadows. Thinking that everything is going to be fixed on its own. Has there been a situation you've been fixated on for quite some time.

[00:52:58] And it's causing you to spiral emotionally out of control. How can you get out of your analysis paralysis. And try something outside of the box. It helps you seize your situation through. Seeking connection. Or trying to take some time to reflect on how you have gotten to where you are. Could be a great first step. If you've been feeling a little stuck in your ways. The only way from here is up. And you're the only person who can oversee. What that looks like at this specific moment in time. Girl.

[00:53:29] She pushed that pin. Okay. Okay. Listen. Okay. She pushed her pin. For real. For real. On that one diva. So. I say all that to say. Literally everything that we've talked about. Like in this episode. Is really like girl. Like. What is you doing? Okay. Tighten up. They calling it the great lock-in. What did you lock it in on? That's what I want to know. What did you lock it in on? Let us know. What did you get ready? I know I'm focused on. You know.

[00:53:59] I'm trying to lose a little weight. I actually do have a doctor's appointment coming up very soon. To try to figure out how to like do that. I've been walking a lot more. Or they said a little watch ring thing. Said the ring thing. Said that my movement has been up over the last five weeks. Comparatively to the last four months. So I'm like. Okay. We're doing things. We're going places. We're making moves. So. We're making things happen. So. Let's see. What did you use? Come on. The great lock-in. Okay. I needed that. I received that.

[00:54:29] Yes. Because. Yeah. It's lock-in time. They say. Summer bodies is built in the winter. Well. Time to lock in. Yeah. It all comes. It all comes together. And so. I'm getting ready for next summer. Okay. Getting ready for next summer. Okay. Okay. But. Child. I'm trying to get ready for this winter. Okay. Like. I need to lock in for the winter. Right. Where we don't. Yeah. We always looking for the summer. But sometimes it's like. We know.

[00:54:58] A turbulent season. Can sometimes come upon us. And so. It's like. Locking in for that. And just locking in for like. Yourself in these situations. Them cards read it down. I. I received. Yeah. Wholeheartedly. Um. And. I just. I love it here. On the premonitions. Where. We can. Share our feelings. And talk. And hopefully. Someone that is listening. Relates and gets to it. Where it's like. You know. It's. It's a key. Key with your friends. And so. Uh. Friends.

[00:55:27] It's time for us to lock in. Let this be your. Sign. Uh. If you've been. Thinking about something. If you've been thinking about doing it. Bitch. Do it. Lock in. Okay. Drop. Now. Now. And get with a hero. Yourself. Get rid of it. Get. It's time to. It's time to do. What Kelly Roller said. It's time to do that. Do that dirty laundry. Uh. And lock in. And so.

[00:55:56] We are logging in. For the month of September. As always. Gangsta Gary. Gigi. Gary DeAndre. We thank you for giving. Your gift. To us. And. Locking in with us. Uh. We look forward to hearing. And seeing all of you next month. Uh. Uh. Because we'll be locked in. Okay. And. Let us know in the comments. What you are locking in for. And. Uh. Uh. I gotta figure that out myself. I know what I need the locking for.

[00:56:26] But. It's the greatest locking. And so like. Uh. I respect that. But. As always. Be well. Uh. Uh. And we will see you next month. This has been your Purple Pants Premonition. For the month of September. We'll see you soon.

[00:56:44] U Ayte killed Jim bloom on Twitter. It's the Purple Pants mulch. It's the Purple Pants. Peace.